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Ex boyfriend immediately on dating site


Plntldy22

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My ex boyfriend and I finalized our break up on Sunday. Prior to that, we had taken a few weeks apart because he was unsure of whether or not he saw a future with me. I’ve found the whole thing to be so confusing and terrible and despite the ending, I had always very much saw a future for us together.

 

I wanted to believe that he got scared and panicked, that maybe we just needed time apart and me giving him space would help him realize the terrible mistake he was making.

 

Today though, one of my friends sent me a screenshot of a profile he made on Facebook dating and I feel like I got hit by a freight train.

 

One week??? He couldn’t even wait more than a week to try to move on from me? I want to be with him more than anything and this makes me feel like there’s no chance for that. He’s over and done and wiped away our year plus relationship like it didn’t even matter.

 

How can someone move on so quickly? Why do I feel like I don’t matter at all to him?

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I do understand how heartbreaking your situation is. It's downright shocking, IMO. I ask myself the same question time and time again. I was married for 29 years when he asked for a divorce. It seemed surreal. He gave me 11 days to move out once I found an apartment. All my belongings did not fit into the moving van so I'd go back to the house and pick up a few things while he was at work. On the 11th day after I moved out, I found her things in my bedroom and bathroom. Can you imagine that??? He didn't even have the common courtesy and respect to hide her things knowing I'd be going. Why are some men so thoughtless? I have no idea but perhaps your bf and my ex had move on, unbeknownst to us. Still, it's so hard to process how they could move on so quickly.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I apologise for being so bold but I feel it's safe to conclude that he didn't truly love you. Please do your best to forget this mind blowing incident and move on. Easier said than done; I get it. I wish I could give you a hug. In time, you will heal. I promise that you will be better off without him. Hang in there. Talk to a close friend or family member. It may help you to talk about it. Try to keep busy.

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My ex boyfriend and I finalized our break up on Sunday. Prior to that, we had taken a few weeks apart because he was unsure of whether or not he saw a future with me. I’ve found the whole thing to be so confusing and terrible and despite the ending, I had always very much saw a future for us together.

 

I wanted to believe that he got scared and panicked, that maybe we just needed time apart and me giving him space would help him realize the terrible mistake he was making.

 

Today though, one of my friends sent me a screenshot of a profile he made on Facebook dating and I feel like I got hit by a freight train.

 

One week??? He couldn’t even wait more than a week to try to move on from me? I want to be with him more than anything and this makes me feel like there’s no chance for that. He’s over and done and wiped away our year plus relationship like it didn’t even matter.

 

How can someone move on so quickly? Why do I feel like I don’t matter at all to him?

 

At this stage, you should be concentrating on your own life, rather than wasting time on what your ex thinks or does.

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At this stage, you should be concentrating on your own life, rather than wasting time on what your ex thinks or does.

 

Granted, but she's human and has feelings. You can't just turn off your feelings. They were on different pages but it hurts when you love or really care for someone and they quickly move on, leaving you baffled. Unless you are a sociopath, devoid of feelings.

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At this stage, you should be concentrating on your own life, rather than wasting time on what your ex thinks or does.

 

I am sure she knows she needs to move on with her life but that doesn't negate her feelings. She has every right to feel whatever emotion she wants.

 

Plntldy22, yes it's hurtful, instead though try to look at it as everyone processes the demise of a relationship differently. Maybe it will feel less "personal" that way.

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I guess I naively thought we could figure this out. I thought he was my person and maybe this was just something we needed to go through. Apparently I was wrong. It just hurts to realize that someone who was my world for over a year, views me as expendable.. and can just toss me to the side and not think twice.

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Sorry about this.

 

Hard as it is, I’d really try not to see this as verdict on you, what the relationship meant to him, or a way of measuring his love. My personal belief is that everyone is a flailing mess after breakups and everyone flails differently, at different times. Him on an app? That’s a man flailing, end scene.

 

I realize that doesn’t bring comfort, but neither, I don’t think, do stories about how you’re expendable. You’re not. You’re you and you’re awesome, as was the case before you knew him, during, and now. He’s incapable of complimenting that awesome now, which is devastating. But I’d make that the thing to feel and mourn right now, if possible, rather than focusing on these kinds of specifics and spinning stories around them that just increase the hurt.

 

I’ve flailed every which way a person can following a breakup, from celibacy to the swiping right, from riding a motorcycle at idiotic speeds to getting really into yoga and Buddhism. While I’m more proud of some of those choices than others, or at least see some as better for long term healing than others, none of them were reflective of my feelings for the person who had ended things, or who I’d ended them with. It was just pain, and pain management, some more graceful than others.

 

Maybe you can see this as that, and nothing more? You’ve got enough to process as is, and for all that I’m sorry. Hang in there. It will get better.

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My 2 cents.... I think some people try to avoid the pain and hurt of a breakup by trying to just jump into something new. I don't think that's a great idea, but a lot of people do it. He could take a few months instead alone to think and heal. Ultimately, he's going to go on a date with some woman expecting a single guy, not a hurting fresh out of a relationship guy, and she'll be confused and hurt too. IMHO.

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Hey Plntldy22 -

 

I'm sorry to hear you are going though this; heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences you'll go through and you're in the first few weeks of it where it will no doubt be the worst.

 

First things first, to address the subject - No, I heavily doubt he is "over you" and anyone he dates this quickly will be a failure of a prospect because of that. Everyone has a different way of trying to get over a relationship and his seems to be the classic "replace that person with someone else" aspect, which is unhealthy and unwise...

 

however,

 

THAT is none of your concerns right now. Let his dumb-ass go and it is time to focus on one thing in the meantime - healing. You obviously were in love with him, obviously trusted him and obviously meant well for the relationship. That's a lot of great qualities that other men are looking for in a companion and you were his to lose.

 

I know the feeling of the freight train - I know it all too well - it's the sudden surge of adrenaline mixed with a massive feeling of shock and despair - but I and everyone on this forum who have been through it can tell you it will alleviate and get better with time and right now it's the harshest; then slowly it will become less and less the longer you go without talking to him. A few months from now, if you avoid him, it'll be largely subsided and around that time or a few months thereafter, you're going to see that new guy you just met - the one who you likely don't think is possible to exist right now - and you'll realize your ex is just one of a lot of people who can make your heart go like it had.

 

So now is the time to focus on you - not him. He can go make terrible decisions and fall in and out of rebound after rebound; you'll do this right and focus on 1. Healing and time to heal. 2. Bettering yourself - you're free! You're single! GO DO S#IT! and 3. Moving on in a couple months when the worst of this pain is subsiding.

 

Do not message him, block him on everything - Facebook, Instagram, Venmo - you name it, his a$$ is blocked! Also, tell your "friend" to not do that nonsense, what good came of it? She should have more sense than that or you should get a better friend.

 

Go talk to someone who is trustworthy and wise - a real friend, a parent, a sibling, whomever; and please realize, you're not alone and you're going through one of those life-events that is so universal it is alluded to in an incredible amount of movies/songs/books/poems/etc. because it is so universally painful. You're human, you have a heart, you're capable of loving and despite this pain (while also somewhat because of the memories of it) - you're going to make someone so goddamn happy someday.

 

Again, you were his to lose and out there right now is someone - and that someone has not met you yet so he therefore has no clue how lucky he is at this moment that this fool dumped you.

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Did it ever occur to you that perhaps her friend told her because she genuinely didn't want OP to get her hopes up? Just saying...
No. Because it's blatantly as intellectually void as it is completely apathetic. Anyone running to a supposed friend who's heartbroken with this kind of information is a right a**hole.
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Him being on Facebook dating doesn’t necessarily mean he’s ‘moved on’, no one knows what’s in his head but him.

 

He could be hurting and attempting to rebound.

 

He could have checked out long ago and finally but the bullet.

 

You said in your other post he said he didn’t see a future with you. I hate to say this but that could be an indication that he’s not as broken up about things as you are. In the grand scheme of things a year isn’t that drastically long.

 

With that being said, he could be attempting to work through his confusion, and figure out his true feelings.

 

There’s a huge variety of emotions he could be feeling right now.

 

It’s best to try to heal.

 

Go NC, no more light conversations. He can’t miss you and realize what he’s missing if you’re always there it just makes moving on easier if he’s got a soft spot to land, plus it hurt you.

 

Cut the cord.

 

Mourn the relationship.

 

I’m sorry this is happening breakups suck.

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I think he's probably just on the rebound and trying to get a hookup to "lick his wounds". Sorry, bad analogy! Lol I think it's just a typical thing that people do because they're scared to be alone. To be fair I don't think he wanted for you to find out. So he wasn't trying to be deliberately insensitive.

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I don't think there's any easy way of coming across info like that. It's the same as seeing your ex (a new/fresh ex) with his/her new partner. There's a bit of a jolt but nothing that can't be overcome with time and some healthy distance. Take things one day at a time. It's his life to do as he pleases. Don't take it personally as if he's insulting your relationship. Keep on moving forwards as best you can.

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Sorry to hear this. In a way you can feel free now rather than hanging on to hope that he'll come around because he is scared of commitment. As unnerving as the dating app screenshot may be, it can help you move forward now.

 

Unfortunately he was never in with both feet, so in a sense, this is a blessing:https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562648&p=7180814&viewfull=1#post7180814

My ex boyfriend and I finalized our break up on Sunday.

I wanted to believe that he got scared and panicked, that maybe we just needed time apart and me giving him space would help him realize the terrible mistake he was making.Today though, one of my friends sent me a screenshot of a profile he made on Facebook dating and I feel like I got hit by a freight train.

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Him being on Facebook dating doesn’t necessarily mean he’s ‘moved on’, no one knows what’s in his head but him.

 

He could be hurting and attempting to rebound.

 

He could have checked out long ago and finally but the bullet.

 

You said in your other post he said he didn’t see a future with you. I hate to say this but that could be an indication that he’s not as broken up about things as you are. In the grand scheme of things a year isn’t that drastically long.

 

With that being said, he could be attempting to work through his confusion, and figure out his true feelings.

 

There’s a huge variety of emotions he could be feeling right now.

 

It’s best to try to heal.

 

Go NC, no more light conversations. He can’t miss you and realize what he’s missing if you’re always there it just makes moving on easier if he’s got a soft spot to land, plus it hurt you.

 

Cut the cord.

 

Mourn the relationship.

 

I’m sorry this is happening breakups suck.

 

I haven’t contacted him since the day he left me on my doorstep crying after our final break up conversation. I’ve thought it’d make me feel better, but I still feel terrible. He hasn’t reached out to me, but I also asked him not to when he kept telling me he still wanted to be there for me. I told him it just hurt too much, that the problem isn’t that I don’t want to talk to him, it’s that I do want to more than anything.

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I haven’t contacted him since the day he left me on my doorstep crying after our final break up conversation. I’ve thought it’d make me feel better, but I still feel terrible. He hasn’t reached out to me, but I also asked him not to when he kept telling me he still wanted to be there for me. I told him it just hurt too much, that the problem isn’t that I don’t want to talk to him, it’s that I do want to more than anything.

 

Apologies for confusion.

 

Yes now that the breakup is final you did the right thing telling him you can’t be friends at this time.

 

I know it’s hard.

 

There’s a post here, write here instead of contacting your ex, please utilize when you feel weak, or text it al out but don’t send.

 

Take things one day at a time to heal.

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He moved on so quickly because he moved on long before you even broke up. Most people don't just wake up one day and decide to breakup out of the blue. It can go on for weeks or months before they decide to do it. I get it, you are in love and it doesn't seem possible, or how could he do that to you. You have to look at it from his perspective, people fall out of love naturally. It doesn't make you a bad person, you didn't do anything wrong, it's just his feelings faded, and he couldn't stop it from happening.

You did the right thing by going NC. You need to address one thing and that is this friend. Tell them what they did was very hurtful, that it didn't benefit anyone....what was she thinking? Tell her to keep out of it, mind her own business.

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I guess I naively thought we could figure this out. I thought he was my person and maybe this was just something we needed to go through. Apparently I was wrong. It just hurts to realize that someone who was my world for over a year, views me as expendable.. and can just toss me to the side and not think twice.

 

A lot of posters here know exactly how that feels. Especially when the ex dumps you because they have already met someone else.

 

But it has to be said, they usually didn't make their mind up in an instant... they had already moved on. [*what smackie said]

 

They did what they thought was best for them, time for you to do the same.

 

Saying no to friendship, and going no-contact is a good start.

 

Getting yourself some new activities to be busy with is also a good idea. Hit the gym, etc- the endorphins from exercise make you feel better.

 

The hurt will fade with time, and you need to instruct that friend that you do not want to hear anything about the ex.

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Yes what Smackie and RayRay have said is quite correct. They have usually left in their head and heart a month or 2 prior.

 

If it helps, from my experience the fact that's he only on a dating site soon after the breakup means he hasn't been cheating either emotionally or physically. When an ex-girlfreind has dumped me they have usually been in a new relationship, not dating only, within 48 hours so they have been emotionally cheating at least. It sucks but once they end it with you/me/we don't have a say really. You just have to accept it.

 

Block delete and move on. Your friend isn't being too friendly sharing that information, it serves no use or help to you. Sorry you are going through this.

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As painful as it is it is probably good for you. When my ex dumped me she didn't really date anyone for 2 years (or at least I didn't know any of the specifics) so for 2 years I thought maybe we'd get back together. Once she moved on I, after freaking out again, I found it easier to move on myself.

 

It hurts so badly to find out how different reality turns out to be from a story you've been telling yourself, especially with the future on the line. But your current path is your reality, and now is as good a time as any to start learning to accept it. Cry your tears, take care of yourself, and start rebuilding a future in your mind that is bright and beautiful and perfect for you, that doesn't have him in it. What is something you have been looking forward to in the future that doesn't need him? You can still have that thing. Start picturing what that thing might be like and how it could be amazing with just yourself.

 

Someone breaking up with you doesn't mean that you aren't amazing or even that they don't like you. It just means their vision doesn't match yours. However great things seem with someone, they are that much better with someone who genuinely does share your vision.

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Could definitely be a distraction. But either way it can be seen as a really hurtful but helpful wake up call.

 

Trust me, the saintly rendition of an ex comes at a cost. That doesn’t mean things can’t reconnect down the road, but right now you have zero false obligation to manage him or try to imagine you’re both sharing some unhealthy parallel pain. He could be hurting still, and distracting himself; but either way you’re in very different spaces right now, and it takes pressure off of you to sit and painstakingly try to figure out a bunch of puzzle pieces that won’t fit for the time being.

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