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Not sure if I am making a big deal or not with coworker...


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Hi Everyone,

So I am a regular lurker on here and sometimes chime here and there, but this is the first time I need some perspective.

 

I thought about bringing this up to my tiny circle of people, but I know they will tell me to be patient or let it go. However these are also people who are conflict avoidance and have this view that if you think just a small bit about work outside of work, there's something wrong with your priorities.

 

I like to think me and my coworkers are all friends. Recently one of my coworkers, let's call her T, got promoted to be our Manager (we have 2 managers). One of my other coworkers, let's name him M, took over T's old duties. M & T are real close but not romantic or anything. I was told by our head honcho (CEO) that with the transitions and changes, more opportunities and responsibilities will be available for me. I assumed that meant I would take over some of M's duties since I'm next in seniority and I have had nothing but high praises from Management and head honcho since I started working there 4 years ago.

 

M put out a meeting two weeks ago for the team to meet up, excluding Managers and head honcho. This meeting he said he was here to help us all grow and train us. M was always the report guru for our team. I pulled reports too but mine are not as comprehensive as his.

 

*To give you an idea, we deal with millions of monies daily and tracking of those funds. So reporting is extremely important and M pulls the big reports- which are monthly, quarterly and annual. In addition, he's the only one who really knows how to create these big reports and put functions and formulas in it (we use a reporting application system not excel). My report, were always ad-hoc reports and brief but I would always export them to excel and scrub it from there to get my numbers - which always matched up with his.

 

Any way back to the meeting he said his goal is to train us and if we show we can do the reports he's been doing, he was willing to give them away. He said we would have these training every Tuesday for an hour. I got the impression that it was going to be a competition to see who can do the reports and do it right would get his duties. Any way I guess I kind of went along with it thinking yea I can do this because I have more experience in running reports than the rest (except for M.)

 

Since that meeting happened two weeks ago, he has been report training only one of my coworkers every day. This coworker is also a close friend of M & T. Today he asked me to come over to his desk while he was training her, and I noticed he was training her how to do monthly and quarterly reports. I was confused but not surprise. For two weeks he has been training only her and no one has said anything. I had this gnawing feeling he was grooming her to take over his duties... and yes, I've been acting like it's no bother. I am one of those people who don't like work drama so I try to keep my thoughts to myself to keep the peace.

 

But now... I guess I am at the point of what do I do? Or should I still do nothing at all and let it go?

I feel that if I bring this up to T, T is bias and will have her friends back. Also as a new manager, she may not feel up to tackling her first issue - which sadly would be a complaint from me. So I thought maybe I should bring this up to our other Manager.

 

However if I bring it up to the other Manager, what do I say or ask? That I am bothered that M is training only one coworker and not the rest of us? it makes me sound jealous and insecure and truly I am neither of those things.

 

Or should I not jump in to any conclusions and wait for my next meeting with Management (will be in 3 weeks) to talk about the potential of new responsibilities? But I feel that if I wait, to them it may mean I don't want the new responsibilities as much as the coworker who has been getting one on one trainings.

 

Any way I can really use some perspective and maybe if anyone can share similar experiences in how they handled a similar work situation. What you did or/and would do different?

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Yes, sounds annoying. But may I ask - is there any particular reason why you want M's responsibilities or reporting duties in the first place? It doesn't sound like reports are your forte. You may be shooting yourself in the foot. I'm just putting this out there - have you considered your other strengths at the company and improving what you already do best (whatever that may be)?

 

From what I'm hearing, M's methods sound a bit ridiculous and unprofessional at the start (his screening methods) and he sounds a bit full of himself. It seems more like a beauty pageant than a training session. Let him do as he pleases and get his kicks. The end result, however he wants to prance around on stage, is that his responsibilities will have to transfer to another individual. You should keep building your rapport with your "head honcho" and focus on the things you are good at, create and devise better systems in your own way and request other opportunities or more responsibilities that you may be more interested in.

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If I were in your shoes, I'd ask to meet M in his office, and then ask for clarification. I'd say: I should have spoken up at the meeting for clarification, because I'm not sure if I'm making a false assumption. Are we each getting a set amount of training hours and then you'll decide who has been the most successful, like a competition?

 

Then listen to his answer.

 

If you're more senior than the other co-workers besides those above you, and you believe you're the best candidate for those extra responsibilities, then turning a blind eye to favoritism will make you a doormat, and that's what you'll be treated as.

 

Yeah, it's hard or awkward to stand up for yourself in instances like this, but try not to care about rocking the boat when they are the ones who created the need for you to speak up. If there is a reason you're being overlooked, maybe he has an explanation for this.

 

I think it's better to start at the source of the problem, the person who you have an issue with, first. If you don't get the answers you want from him, then you can continue going up the chain of command. I wouldn't make that leap before speaking to M, which will really piss him off that you've gone behind his back to report this. If you have to go to T and she takes his side, you can go higher. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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Thanks Rose & Adriana.

 

Rose, you may be right... Maybe numbers are not my thing for the company. I know that when I do pull numbers for the Exec Team, they're always right - all the time. They use my numbers for PR release. I get requests every week to pull those ad-hoc reports and it's always for something different. They're just not as comprehensive as M, which takes up a lot of gb.

 

I've also thought about the other things you pointed out... maybe I should focus on other strengths. However I am more on "projects" so when there are no projects or I am at a standstill with a stakeholder, I don't have much to do. It can get pretty busy for me but that doesn't mean I can't take on more. I also want to move up the ladder so I need more experience. Thought about doing contracts for our office, but the coworker who M is training was hired for that special reason. Because she had extensive experience in contract management. So now I am thinking policy and legislation but that means I need to train myself not to fall asleep reading legislative bills.

 

Andrina, I spoke up in the meeting that I would like to do more comprehensive reports specifically monthly and quarterly :| Yep I did.

I even told my managers this in my one on two meeting. I honestly feel that if I was to ask M, he would not give me a straight answer. He's good at deflecting and it doesn't help that everyone sees no wrong with him. I really don't want to go to T because T will tell M and M will gossip about it to the whole team.

 

Since I got hired on, I always felt that M was competing with me. He used to do the ad-hoc reports I am doing now. However because his duties became too much, they told him to just focus on the comprehensive reports and train me on the basics of pulling reports. He was reluctant to train me, and he said it was because I was too new. 4 years now I've been doing these requests, and my turnaround time is a lot faster than his. So I am wondering if he isn't training me because he doesn't want me to do the comprehensive reports because I will process them faster?

 

Any way, I am still undecided if I should say something or not... but you both did give me things to think about. Maybe there's a legitimate reason why I am being overlooked. Maybe I need to build on my other strengths. Maybe it's time to take a stand. Maybe all the above.

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I'd avoid making assumptions, so I'd avoid running straight to management based on assumptions. Part of promotability is owning reasonable enough communication skills to resolve questions with peers on your own. I'd consider involving management to be an escalation of a problem that I can't solve rather than a first step in ANYthing.

 

I'd ask M when he might have a few minutes for you to ask some questions. This allows him to invite you into his workspace or to come to you when he's free, so you're not catching him at a bad time. My approach would be curious, not furious. I'd tell M that I was happy to hear that he's offering training on report runs, and I'd like to know whether I can either sit in on his sessions with HerName, or whether I can get on his calendar for the training also.

 

Then hear what he says. He may have been directed to train this person to take over the task while he trains others.

 

I'd also consider that M is moving 'up' FROM running reports, which means that reporting is considered a lower level support task. So while it may be a a nice skill to learn, it's not exactly a reflection on you if you're not selected as the support person for reports.

 

Head high, and don't overthink yourself into an issue that may not really be an issue.

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So just to clarify -it's not clear to me - do you want this added responsibility on its own or do you want it more now because it's a competition and because your ego is a bit bruised watching him train someone else?

From what you wrote you and M are not the best match to work together. He was reluctant to train you to because you were "too new" -what does that even mean -isn't training for new people? If he does train you will you still have to work with him for a time as you transition - and if so does that sound like a good experience for you? If M is told to stop training the other coworker and switch to you given the back story do you think it will be awkward?

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Sounds a bit like you are missing the forest for the trees. You are way too focused on what is really a low level skill set you could train yourself how to do if you wanted to. It won't get you promotions. Open your eyes - people connections within the company is what gets you ahead. T got promoted and pulled M as a pal, M is pulling his pal as next in line. Welcome to office politics everywhere.

 

If you are great at doing reports, you'll do that job until you retire and yes, managers will praise your skills....'cause they need them and you are useful like that.

 

When you find yourself in a situation where you are outside that loop, you have three options - figure out how to get into the loop, if you can't, become best pals with higher ups, if that's not possible, do what most people do - move up by switching jobs into a new company.

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OP, you could talk to the other colleagues who were attending the meeting with M where the transfer of the reporting task was explained, because it concerns all of you. If they share your concern, then you all go to your head honcho and explain the situation. It is up to honcho to see with M. And you are not taking unnecessary risk of being the only wistle-blower. The disadvantage is that it will take more time to coordinate with the other colleagues, and that they may chicken and not go to the big boss.

 

Second option you do it solo by writing a very polite e-mail by recalling what was explained at the task transfer meeting and that you got the impression that a specific collegue is at the advantage of more training than all the other candidates for the task. You put on Cc all the other collegues that could be trained, T and head honcho. It is better to put these things in writing, because words could be twisted when refering to conversations later on. Also, if you have a private chat with M, then he would know that you are on his case, and depending on what person he is, he might take a pre-emptive strike by talking negatively of you to T or big boss.

 

So, to sum up, either you enlist the collaboration of the other collegues concerned (option 1); or (option 2) you put it all in writing and in Cc the bosses (T and honcho), the e-mail should be very polite and constructive, focusing on the benefit for the company of having equally trained staff.

 

I hope this helps.

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Thanks Rose & Adriana.

 

Maybe there's a legitimate reason why I am being overlooked. Maybe I need to build on my other strengths. Maybe it's time to take a stand. Maybe all the above.

 

Your thought process and how you approach this situation is different than what I would expect in a job. This job isn't a relationship where you wait for the guy to ask you out. You tell the job what you are looking for. You see yourself as an independent contractor willing to work for the best employer. You ask your employer to invest in you to make you better to give a better return on their investment. As such you can go to your manager and tell them that you would like to be promoted and you need to know what is needed to make that happen. If you want the training for the reports you go up to M and tell him you see he's offering personal training for another employee and you would like to be included. The goal here is not a competition for the same job, the goal is an opportunity to gain skills that will either allow you to gain a position here in your current group, a different group within the company, or another company entirely.

 

The main thing though, stop waiting for people to promote you, go ask for that promotion and ask them what it takes to get one. Ask for the training, show what you've being doing and argue why you'd be good for the job. If they don't know you're interested they won't come and ask you if you'd like training or if you'd like to be promoted. Once you stop being passive about this then all this guessing as to what is M doing or what is someone else doing goes away. For all you know, M's friend asked be promoted and asked for those personal lessons.

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Any way back to the meeting he said his goal is to train us and if we show we can do the reports he's been doing, he was willing to give them away. He said we would have these training every Tuesday for an hour. I got the impression that it was going to be a competition to see who can do the reports and do it right would get his duties. Any way I guess I kind of went along with it thinking yea I can do this because I have more experience in running reports than the rest (except for M.)

 

Since that meeting happened two weeks ago, he has been report training only one of my coworkers every day. This coworker is also a close friend of M & T. Today he asked me to come over to his desk while he was training her, and I noticed he was training her how to do monthly and quarterly reports. I was confused but not surprise. For two weeks he has been training only her and no one has said anything.

 

Is it possible that this coworker is the only one who approached him after that meeting and expressed interest in learning these reports? You say you assumed it was a competition, and I'm a little unclear on that--do you mean that you assumed that M would select the person/people to be trained based on your individual performance, and that it wasn't an opportunity for you to come forward and request to be trained?

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Whenever I read posts like this it makes me wonder what my team is "assuming" about me :p

 

Also I would hope that if my team has an issue with something I do or with someone I choose to put in a particular role, they would just come and talk to me about it vs. going behind my back.

 

Managers typically have their reasons for doing things, and rarely is it because they don't like someone or want to see them fail. I know that's often the perception though... which means there is a lack of transparency for reasons behind decisions that get made.

 

Could it be that you weren't as clear about what you wanted as you thought? And that this woman made it not only very clear, but took the initiative to act on it and do some learning on her own to make it easier? Could it be that you wait to do things until you are asked to... or that you assume that people should just know what you want to do with your career?

 

I would honestly let this go and focus on thinking forward... if you want to make something happen, you need to be the one to do most of the driving. Start setting some goals for yourself about what you want to do, where you want to go, what you want to learn, and how you will make that happen as well as what support you are looking for.

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Your thought process and how you approach this situation is different than what I would expect in a job. This job isn't a relationship where you wait for the guy to ask you out. You tell the job what you are looking for. You see yourself as an independent contractor willing to work for the best employer. You ask your employer to invest in you to make you better to give a better return on their investment. As such you can go to your manager and tell them that you would like to be promoted and you need to know what is needed to make that happen. If you want the training for the reports you go up to M and tell him you see he's offering personal training for another employee and you would like to be included. The goal here is not a competition for the same job, the goal is an opportunity to gain skills that will either allow you to gain a position here in your current group, a different group within the company, or another company entirely.

 

The main thing though, stop waiting for people to promote you, go ask for that promotion and ask them what it takes to get one. Ask for the training, show what you've being doing and argue why you'd be good for the job. If they don't know you're interested they won't come and ask you if you'd like training or if you'd like to be promoted. Once you stop being passive about this then all this guessing as to what is M doing or what is someone else doing goes away. For all you know, M's friend asked be promoted and asked for those personal lessons.

 

Totally agree with this! I was just a bit confused because you seem annoyed and upset that M is training the other staff member. Why do you expect/assume that these responsibilities should just go to you by default? Was this promised to you at any point? If not, then these duties can equally be passed on to any staff member. Maybe the other staff member did actually express interest, and therefore is being trained. You never said anything, so M and your managers probably don't know that you want to do this. Are you expecting them just to read your mind? If you want this position, then I think you need to say that and to "pitch" yourself.

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Thank you all for your input. Like I said... I need some perspective and writing all this and reading all your comments, it's helped me tremendously. Lots of feelings I need to sort out about this whole situation.

 

because it's a competition and because your ego is a bit bruised watching him train someone else?

It's never been a competition to me. Not sure about M. I just want to learn and grow. I am also one of those people who think more about the team than the individual. It's how I was raised - I come from a clan culture so everything is interrelated and interdependent. Meaning my primary concern is how it affects team morale more so than my own ego.

 

If he does train you will you still have to work with him for a time as you transition - and if so does that sound like a good experience for you? If M is told to stop training the other coworker and switch to you given the back story do you think it will be awkward?

Believe me I feel everything you wrote here. Management - what if they say "Well yes, we agreed to him training coworker but not you...However if you really want to be trained in Reports, we will go ahead and have him sit with you." Yikes... that might be awkward!

 

Catfeeder, I thought about asking him but he has never been straight with me on questions like these. Like how he felt "I was too new" to learn basic reporting - but duh like Batya said:

He was reluctant to train you to because you were "too new" -what does that even mean -isn't training for new people?

 

Sounds a bit like you are missing the forest for the trees. You are way too focused on what is really a low level skill set you could train yourself how to do if you wanted to. It won't get you promotions. Open your eyes - people connections within the company is what gets you ahead. T got promoted and pulled M as a pal, M is pulling his pal as next in line. Welcome to office politics everywhere.

Yes I know you are right. I guess I thought if I ever just show them my strengths and still be a pleasant person, that it will help me get "favors" without being buddy-buddy with all of them. I've been wondering too will my bosses go to the bat for me? I truly do not know this answer. :\

 

OP, you could talk to the other colleagues who were attending the meeting with M where the transfer of the reporting task was explained, because it concerns all of you.

Yes I spoke to one of my coworkers today while we both went on our morning Friday coffee run and she recalled the same things from the meeting. Also she expressed frustration that through her observation, M is only training one person though. I said "Oh okay. I thought I was the only one noticing it." She said she doesn't want to ruffle any feathers so she is being mum. She is also a mother of 5 young kids and only here part-time so I can see why she doesn't care as much. I also can't blame her because M is a popular guy, as much as he is arrogant and crass, he knows how to champion people to his cause. I always saw him as a salesman. Any way if I talk to too many people about this concern, it will get to him. It's a small office.

 

Don't think I am ready to escalate this to head honcho or even managers yet... plus if I or we go straight to head honcho, it's like stepping on management's big toe.

 

Mari, I know I need to be more loud. I reiterated this morning I would like to be trained on Monthly Reports too when he was at my desk grabbing something from the copier. I sit next to the shared copier. He just nodded and disappeared in to the abyss. You might say rude, but he's not a morning person and I am LOL

 

Jibalta, everyone was going around the table expressing which reports they wanted to learn during the meeting. M said he was here to help us all learn reports so we would all know how to use the reporting application. He said that after he trained us in a group setting (every Tuesday) we will all get these mock assignments that entails pulling reports and scrubbing the data. If you can show him you can do these reports, he would let us takeover one of his reports. So he made it sound like he's giving everyone a fair shake, but since that meeting, he's been only doing one on one training with one coworker.

 

Any way I am still debating what to do... I know they are at her desk and he is training her. Do I just barge in and be like yo remember me? Or do I think happy thoughts - it’s Friday. Friday. Friday.

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I don't think it's about just expressing an interest in learning "x" -it's about going into see the person where you express interest AND give a few reasons at least why you should be given the added responsibility. About 20 years ago or so I really wanted a certain professional opportunity but I was on the junior end to have it. My coworker had it and I believe the issue was he was going to go on his wedding and honeymoon so he would be gone for 2 weeks during the time he was supposed to be doing this task. I went to see him first -I asked him if it was ok if I asked to take over for him while he was on his honeymoon -he said "you know -yes- and to be honest I'm kind of tired of doing ____ so if they want you to replace me that's great!". So I walked into the head honcho, and in addition to expressing interest I gave two reasons why it made sense -one was the practical reason and the other was that it would be good for me to get exposure to this new task. I was brief and direct about my interest and "sales pitch" and I got it and it changed the direction of my career.

 

" I am also one of those people who think more about the team than the individual. It's how I was raised - I come from a clan culture so everything is interrelated and interdependent. Meaning my primary concern is how it affects team morale more so than my own ego."

 

So do you mean a clan culture personally? I don't know whether that is entirely relevant to a professional workplace plus I've got to say from a lot of what you've written I don't get that impression at all.

 

Not that you're about your ego but that you're certainly highly concerned with your individual goals and needs.

 

Like this: "I assumed that meant I would take over some of M's duties since I'm next in seniority"

"Any way I guess I kind of went along with it thinking yea I can do this because I have more experience in running reports than the rest (except for M.)"

But I feel that if I wait, to them it may mean I don't want the new responsibilities as much as the coworker who has been getting one on one trainings.

 

None of this sounds like you're concerned with the interdependence of the team or team morale - it sounds like you're looking out for your own interests -which is normal in a workplace of course.

 

 

Also I think you need to have better boundaries of personal v. professional with your coworkers -it's lovely to be friends but I think you're using the friendship to blur the professional/personal lines.

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Okay everyone, thank you all again. A lot of you are right about the assuming, maybe I am not really showing I want it as much compare to others, and I am thinking more about my ego than anything.

 

Anyway here's what I did do because my ego just couldn't handle it any more. Especially when I got that nod and slow fade after I again said I wanted to learn how to do monthly reporting!

 

I was getting ready to muster the courage to walk over there and asked if I can be trained too. Right when I was going to walk over, he called me and asked if I can come over to his desk because he had a question. It was like the Universe got tired of me thinking so hard that they gave me this excuse to walk over and poke my big head in.

 

Him and the coworker were both sitting there and doing the monthly report, they were having some issues reconciling some numbers due to something that happened in September.

 

After I answered his question, I said "Oh are you both doing the monthly report? I would love to sit here too and learn? Is that okay?"

 

I got an unenthused yes from him. As I was sitting there hovering over the coworker as he was teaching her the steps, I just knew I could do the report and do it well. I caught some things they missed and pointed it out to them. Even though I felt like I was intruding, my confidence grew. I noticed coworkers started walking by and one of them asked what we were doing and he even stood at the door to watch and listen too.

 

I asked if I can join next time and he said yea, it'll probably be after Thanksgiving.

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Well, at least you know you can do the job. That's important.

 

It's also good that he knows that you're interested.

 

Question is, what are you prepared to do from here?

 

What if your boss remains uninterested in handing the assignment to you?

 

Do you think it could be time for you to move on?

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Okay everyone, thank you all again. A lot of you are right about the assuming, maybe I am not really showing I want it as much compare to others, and I am thinking more about my ego than anything.

 

Anyway here's what I did do because my ego just couldn't handle it any more. Especially when I got that nod and slow fade after I again said I wanted to learn how to do monthly reporting!

 

I was getting ready to muster the courage to walk over there and asked if I can be trained too. Right when I was going to walk over, he called me and asked if I can come over to his desk because he had a question. It was like the Universe got tired of me thinking so hard that they gave me this excuse to walk over and poke my big head in.

 

Him and the coworker were both sitting there and doing the monthly report, they were having some issues reconciling some numbers due to something that happened in September.

 

After I answered his question, I said "Oh are you both doing the monthly report? I would love to sit here too and learn? Is that okay?"

 

I got an unenthused yes from him. As I was sitting there hovering over the coworker as he was teaching her the steps, I just knew I could do the report and do it well. I caught some things they missed and pointed it out to them. Even though I felt like I was intruding, my confidence grew. I noticed coworkers started walking by and one of them asked what we were doing and he even stood at the door to watch and listen too.

 

I asked if I can join next time and he said yea, it'll probably be after Thanksgiving.

 

I would not waste much more time being "trained" in this way - how did they react to your suggestions?

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Well, at least you know you can do the job. That's important.

 

It's also good that he knows that you're interested.

 

Question is, what are you prepared to do from here?

 

What if your boss remains uninterested in handing the assignment to you?

 

Do you think it could be time for you to move on?

 

So I have my one on one(two) meeting with Management in three weeks. I was going to use it as my platform to again reiterate to both of my Managers, one of them is T who is close to M, that I would like more responsibilities specifically the complex reports like monthly and quarterly. To show how much I want it, I asked M if I can sit with him during one of his trainings with a coworker. Also emphasize that during the training, I knew I could do the job and do it well. Then just listen to what they have to say to me. If they don't want me wasting my time because they got bigger plans - great, let me know so I don't waste my time going to these Tuesday report trainings with everyone! If they're surprise that so far its only two people getting report training and not the rest of the team - great! now they're aware too.

 

M is there to recommend who he wants to take over certain reports and throws in his pitch for that person, but in the end Managers decide. So if I don't get the reporting duties then at least I know I didn't get it. I am done assuming why and how. The more I assume, the more I dig myself in to this rabbit hole of thinking I must not be smart enough or not likable enough.

 

Batya, M didn't show any emotion when I asked and he's pretty much been like that with me every time I asked. Coworker didn't react, her eyes were on the screen. She mentioned being nervous during the training and I asked why. Neither one of them answered and I didn't think much about it. But now that I am typing this out, i think it's because M was sitting next to her telling her what to do every step while I was hovering over them watching and also catching little minor errors here and there. So I probably won't sit in any more, unless M actually invites me.

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OP, well done! You mustered the courage to address the issue and you grabbed the opportunity to show that you are inetersted in learning the reports and that you are capable to do it. I could see by reading your last two messages how the tone of your writing has changed to more confident and optimistic. Your last message looks like a good plan of action.

 

I wouldn't be so much concerned of intruding the one-on-one training sessions because they were not supposed to be one-on-one, but for the whole team. So, if your co-worker, or M make a remark, reply innocently with something along the lines "actually it was agreed that the training would be for all of us, this is why I joined you and I guess the others would like to learn as well."

 

Also, there must be a user manual, or some other guidance how to run the reports in the specific sowtware that is used. Start reading and learn by yourself. You could go to M with a speific question based on what you read in the guide/user manual and give a strong message that you are serious about learning and take over the task. I believe it is an important task, if your company is dealing with managing big-figures operations. As they say "measure to manage", hence stats are important.

 

Keep this thread updated, please.

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Thanks East. To be honest, i thought the same. Learn it myself but there's a lot of steps to the processes - and that there are no manual or written procedures! I would need M's guidance so I can write notes down and yes have a written procedures for the complete process of pulling data, scrubbing it, reconciling it and routing it internally and externally for approval before archive.

 

The only reason why I said I won't join in on their future one-on-one trainings unless invited is because coworker felt uneasy with me there - she said she was "nervous" ... I plan on my next one on one meeting with the managers, to let them know I joined their training after asking and asked again if M can invite me. Then insert if he has or hasn't.

 

I've remain cool and professional with M... hoping that after all his blowing smokes clear, we can still remain coworkers who can work together.

 

From this experience, I realized I work with a lot of... people who put on faces. I really thought I was friends with M and this coworker, but it's become apparent what their motives are. Not sure if T is on it but who cares. I can only be cordial and professional and not say anything. I'll let M's actions speak for itself and hope my team sees me asserting myself to their training, gives some of them some validation about what we all have been seeing and feeling.

 

I'll keep this thread updated after my meeting with managers, which will be in three weeks unless they reschedule. I also don't know when M is supposed to actually be giving up his reporting duties, so that might be TBD.

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Good luck! Why does it surprise you that many people want to present their professional selves only at work? It's great if you can be friends too -I met my husband at work -but usually it's when you don't work together that it works best. People typically have to make their jobs the top priority unless it's just a temporary job or some reason they do not really care about it.

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I can be hard to understand when I'm rambling. Sorry.

 

I mean I work with people who are two-face. I've gone on outings with a few of them and been invited to dinner/drinks with their families, play board/video games with coworkers during lunch, etc. Talked to me one on one about family and friends, etc.

 

Again today he was only training our coworker after giving another good speech this Tuesday that he's here to train us all on create and pulling reports. Guy has promoted himself from salesman to politician. So after making it clear a handful of times I want to learn how to do monthly and quarterly reports.... he goes back to training just one person, the only person he has been training.

 

So today, Wednesday.... I jumped in during their one on one training and just said "hey M, noticed you guys are doing monthly. I looked at the reports and did it myself and know I can do it. Just wanted to see if you guys were in the process of routing it? I would love to see that part so I know all the parties I need to route the report to. Then I want to try it on my own and you can check it." He of course gave me the answers I needed -but I could see a smile as if "ok this girl aint gonna let up."

 

All I know here is if you aren't a Manager and want to play office politics, then I am going to play too. I am going to keep showing everyone that I want the reports not just because I have seniority but damn because I at least deserve a fair shake (the fair shake you have been lying about).

 

In this small office, the only way to move up is data analytics. If you don't have extensive experience in it, it's hard to move up.

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Why is it unfair if they choose not to train you in this one area? As you mentioned not everyone is being trained -really just this one person. As my mother likes to say "your thank you is your paycheck". think you're making this wayyy too personal - what he does is his business and as you can see his actions don't match his words. He is not interested in training you.

 

Is there a way you can help him more with his work so it's not so one sided with you asking for his time and training?

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I really thought I was friends with M and this coworker, but it's become apparent what their motives are.

 

Really? What are his motives beyond getting this first person trained? Did you ask why? Did you find out whether he's planning on training the rest of you afterward?

 

I agree with the folks who've sad that you're personalizing this more than necessary. That's not against the law, it's just not good for your own head. While the saying, "Assume the worst, hope for the best..." is popular, it's much easier on my psyche when I assume the best, and if it turns out the worst, I know that I'm capable of dealing with that bridge if I ever need to cross it.

 

Don't allow the small stuff to derail you, and you may be pleasantly surprised that it never needed to.

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  • 1 month later...

Finally with everyone's vacations and holidays out of the way, I finally had my one-on-one with my Managers.

 

And yes you guys are right. I am personalizing it... way too much. Ugh...

 

A lot has happened so I'll try my best to type this out.

 

During the xmas holiday, I applied for a job and got interviewed. They called one of my bosses as a references (not T) and I did give her a heads up. I didn't get the job but apparently word got around. My boss is in a cubicle so apparently when she was on the phone, some of my coworkers overheard the phone call. One of my coworkers told me my boss gave them a rave review so that's good.

 

M came by and talked to me same week and said he doesn't like that I am looking and he just needs a couple of months to train others before he can train me. I told him that I applied for jobs if I think I would really enjoy the challenge and experience, and don't worry it was not because of him. However he kept saying half-heartedly and half-jokingly "Give me time ok? I am busy with different projects and tasks but give me a couple of months... and I don't want to do your job too."

 

After I got back from Christmas vacation, I have been quite busy with my own work. But I was able to go to my one-on-one meeting with a framework of what assignments/tasks I would like to do and which assignments/tasks I am willing to give away. I expressed to both managers I wanted to do more data analytics duties and I wanted to give away some of my lead capacity roles - portfolio acquisition and portfolio reconciliation (which can be painstaking and arduous). They asked who I felt could do those two roles and I told them I was hoping we ask the staff and see if anyone volunteer. They looked worried... Long story short, they think it's better if I give away my other lead capacities in website building/digital marketing because others would jump for those leads. Insert sad face.

 

They also encouraged me on my next one-on-one meeting they want to hear ideas from me - ideas how to make more space for documentations, ideas in marketing to target audiences, how to streamline x and y, how to be a 21st century company, etc. So it sounds all positive.

 

I also found out that M is going thru a tough patch too. Him and his wife have been separated for some time and during the holidays they were not together. The kids were with her. I think a lot of his just wanting to train his close friend only could have been a lot to do with needing a friend.

 

Any way since the meeting, I've been feeling great because I stood up and said this is what I want to do. I feel kind of sad because it may mean I will be letting go of some duties I enjoy - website and marketing :(

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