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Thread: Not sure if I am making a big deal or not with coworker...

  1. #21
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    Good luck! Why does it surprise you that many people want to present their professional selves only at work? It's great if you can be friends too -I met my husband at work -but usually it's when you don't work together that it works best. People typically have to make their jobs the top priority unless it's just a temporary job or some reason they do not really care about it.

  2. #22
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    I can be hard to understand when I'm rambling. Sorry.

    I mean I work with people who are two-face. I've gone on outings with a few of them and been invited to dinner/drinks with their families, play board/video games with coworkers during lunch, etc. Talked to me one on one about family and friends, etc.

    Again today he was only training our coworker after giving another good speech this Tuesday that he's here to train us all on create and pulling reports. Guy has promoted himself from salesman to politician. So after making it clear a handful of times I want to learn how to do monthly and quarterly reports.... he goes back to training just one person, the only person he has been training.

    So today, Wednesday.... I jumped in during their one on one training and just said "hey M, noticed you guys are doing monthly. I looked at the reports and did it myself and know I can do it. Just wanted to see if you guys were in the process of routing it? I would love to see that part so I know all the parties I need to route the report to. Then I want to try it on my own and you can check it." He of course gave me the answers I needed -but I could see a smile as if "ok this girl aint gonna let up."

    All I know here is if you aren't a Manager and want to play office politics, then I am going to play too. I am going to keep showing everyone that I want the reports not just because I have seniority but damn because I at least deserve a fair shake (the fair shake you have been lying about).

    In this small office, the only way to move up is data analytics. If you don't have extensive experience in it, it's hard to move up.

  3. #23
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    Why is it unfair if they choose not to train you in this one area? As you mentioned not everyone is being trained -really just this one person. As my mother likes to say "your thank you is your paycheck". think you're making this wayyy too personal - what he does is his business and as you can see his actions don't match his words. He is not interested in training you.

    Is there a way you can help him more with his work so it's not so one sided with you asking for his time and training?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by LootieTootie
    I really thought I was friends with M and this coworker, but it's become apparent what their motives are.
    Really? What are his motives beyond getting this first person trained? Did you ask why? Did you find out whether he's planning on training the rest of you afterward?

    I agree with the folks who've sad that you're personalizing this more than necessary. That's not against the law, it's just not good for your own head. While the saying, "Assume the worst, hope for the best..." is popular, it's much easier on my psyche when I assume the best, and if it turns out the worst, I know that I'm capable of dealing with that bridge if I ever need to cross it.

    Don't allow the small stuff to derail you, and you may be pleasantly surprised that it never needed to.

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  6. #25
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Finally with everyone's vacations and holidays out of the way, I finally had my one-on-one with my Managers.

    And yes you guys are right. I am personalizing it... way too much. Ugh...

    A lot has happened so I'll try my best to type this out.

    During the xmas holiday, I applied for a job and got interviewed. They called one of my bosses as a references (not T) and I did give her a heads up. I didn't get the job but apparently word got around. My boss is in a cubicle so apparently when she was on the phone, some of my coworkers overheard the phone call. One of my coworkers told me my boss gave them a rave review so that's good.

    M came by and talked to me same week and said he doesn't like that I am looking and he just needs a couple of months to train others before he can train me. I told him that I applied for jobs if I think I would really enjoy the challenge and experience, and don't worry it was not because of him. However he kept saying half-heartedly and half-jokingly "Give me time ok? I am busy with different projects and tasks but give me a couple of months... and I don't want to do your job too."

    After I got back from Christmas vacation, I have been quite busy with my own work. But I was able to go to my one-on-one meeting with a framework of what assignments/tasks I would like to do and which assignments/tasks I am willing to give away. I expressed to both managers I wanted to do more data analytics duties and I wanted to give away some of my lead capacity roles - portfolio acquisition and portfolio reconciliation (which can be painstaking and arduous). They asked who I felt could do those two roles and I told them I was hoping we ask the staff and see if anyone volunteer. They looked worried... Long story short, they think it's better if I give away my other lead capacities in website building/digital marketing because others would jump for those leads. Insert sad face.

    They also encouraged me on my next one-on-one meeting they want to hear ideas from me - ideas how to make more space for documentations, ideas in marketing to target audiences, how to streamline x and y, how to be a 21st century company, etc. So it sounds all positive.

    I also found out that M is going thru a tough patch too. Him and his wife have been separated for some time and during the holidays they were not together. The kids were with her. I think a lot of his just wanting to train his close friend only could have been a lot to do with needing a friend.

    Any way since the meeting, I've been feeling great because I stood up and said this is what I want to do. I feel kind of sad because it may mean I will be letting go of some duties I enjoy - website and marketing :(

  7. #26
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    I'm glad it ended up being ok and working out for you. Obviously you can't have it all in any job and it sounds like the upsides far outweigh the downsides. My suggestion for the future is to force yourself not to indulge in office gossip and make interview related phone calls at your office -gives you an unprofessional look and it's not always a good thing if your boss knows you're looking and knows you've been using company time to look (meaning the work phone call -did you actually maybe want them to overhear?).

    I'd assume that M wanted to train the person because he wanted to - leave the analysis of his personal life to his personal life.

  8. #27
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Hi Batya, sorry if I wasnít clear.

    I was on Xmas break for a week and saw a job I really liked that was posted. I have always been honest with all my employers that if I see something I like, Iím going to apply for it. My current employer or maybe I should say the ceo actually encourage us to grow and seek new opportunities and work experiences.

    I also went to the interview on New Years eve which I went home early to get ready for.

    Following week my boss got a call from the job I applied for. Not ideal but she sits in a cubicle next to some of my coworkers so it was bound to happen theyíll hear.

    I have been at my job for little over 4 years and itís hard not to talk to people who have spent those 4 years with me. I am definitely the one who makes small talk with everyone and then I quickly will side step away or pretend to type away (depending where Iím at) but sometimes it doesnít work.. Iíve become somewhat the designated person everyone can stop by and talk to because I am right by the copier. It also doesnít help that I am the one with a bench in my cubicle! If I was to get rid of this wood bench people would ask why. I have tried to put up a sign that I am busy and shoot me an email. But tbh I donít like putting that up too because in all honesty my coworkers are my only social life :/ lol

    Any way you are right about analyzing M life! I need to have a mantra in my life when I start feeling like Iím digging myself a rabbit hole. I realized Iím wasting energy when I could be using that energy on thinking about new recipes or new trips.

  9. #28
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    I can't relate to how you choose to act with respect to job hunting - it sounds like the ceo is comfortable with people looking for jobs while on company time and encourages people to leave his/her employment - I've only had jobs like that which were internships where from the beginning we were told it was an internship only and not meant for permanent employment. I believe in honesty and to me that's different from sharing information. I am very selective in the information I share about my personal life at work, and I won't answer a question if it's outside a boundary -that's not dishonest that's just being selective about what information to share at work. I never would suggest that anyone stop talking to coworkers or being friendly with coworkers. I married someone I met at work and have close friendships that started at work. If you like you can reread what I wrote above. Good luck and I'm glad it's all working out the way you would like.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    The way to seek work without impacting your current job is to use people from your past as references, not your current employers. Hiring companies get why you'd do that.

  11. #30
    Silver Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Batya, Let me make this very clear....I was at HOME for a week-long Christmas time off when I looked and applied for a job.

    I don't have time to look while I'm at work. I take a 30 minute break if I am lucky to remind myself and I always leave a couple of minutes later. & Thank you for your solid advices. I needed perspective from you all and I realized I was unnecessarily internalizing things that are insignificant.

    CatFeeder, if I had a choice, yes I am with you. Sadly this job chose to call my current employer for reference, which was a disclaimer when I applied.

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