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Thread: Not sure if I am making a big deal or not with coworker...

  1. #11
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Whenever I read posts like this it makes me wonder what my team is "assuming" about me

    Also I would hope that if my team has an issue with something I do or with someone I choose to put in a particular role, they would just come and talk to me about it vs. going behind my back.

    Managers typically have their reasons for doing things, and rarely is it because they don't like someone or want to see them fail. I know that's often the perception though... which means there is a lack of transparency for reasons behind decisions that get made.

    Could it be that you weren't as clear about what you wanted as you thought? And that this woman made it not only very clear, but took the initiative to act on it and do some learning on her own to make it easier? Could it be that you wait to do things until you are asked to... or that you assume that people should just know what you want to do with your career?

    I would honestly let this go and focus on thinking forward... if you want to make something happen, you need to be the one to do most of the driving. Start setting some goals for yourself about what you want to do, where you want to go, what you want to learn, and how you will make that happen as well as what support you are looking for.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Mari
    Your thought process and how you approach this situation is different than what I would expect in a job. This job isn't a relationship where you wait for the guy to ask you out. You tell the job what you are looking for. You see yourself as an independent contractor willing to work for the best employer. You ask your employer to invest in you to make you better to give a better return on their investment. As such you can go to your manager and tell them that you would like to be promoted and you need to know what is needed to make that happen. If you want the training for the reports you go up to M and tell him you see he's offering personal training for another employee and you would like to be included. The goal here is not a competition for the same job, the goal is an opportunity to gain skills that will either allow you to gain a position here in your current group, a different group within the company, or another company entirely.

    The main thing though, stop waiting for people to promote you, go ask for that promotion and ask them what it takes to get one. Ask for the training, show what you've being doing and argue why you'd be good for the job. If they don't know you're interested they won't come and ask you if you'd like training or if you'd like to be promoted. Once you stop being passive about this then all this guessing as to what is M doing or what is someone else doing goes away. For all you know, M's friend asked be promoted and asked for those personal lessons.
    Totally agree with this! I was just a bit confused because you seem annoyed and upset that M is training the other staff member. Why do you expect/assume that these responsibilities should just go to you by default? Was this promised to you at any point? If not, then these duties can equally be passed on to any staff member. Maybe the other staff member did actually express interest, and therefore is being trained. You never said anything, so M and your managers probably don't know that you want to do this. Are you expecting them just to read your mind? If you want this position, then I think you need to say that and to "pitch" yourself.

  3. #13
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Thank you all for your input. Like I said... I need some perspective and writing all this and reading all your comments, it's helped me tremendously. Lots of feelings I need to sort out about this whole situation.

    Originally Posted by Batya33
    because it's a competition and because your ego is a bit bruised watching him train someone else?
    It's never been a competition to me. Not sure about M. I just want to learn and grow. I am also one of those people who think more about the team than the individual. It's how I was raised - I come from a clan culture so everything is interrelated and interdependent. Meaning my primary concern is how it affects team morale more so than my own ego.

    Originally Posted by Batya33
    If he does train you will you still have to work with him for a time as you transition - and if so does that sound like a good experience for you? If M is told to stop training the other coworker and switch to you given the back story do you think it will be awkward?
    Believe me I feel everything you wrote here. Management - what if they say "Well yes, we agreed to him training coworker but not you...However if you really want to be trained in Reports, we will go ahead and have him sit with you." Yikes... that might be awkward!

    Catfeeder, I thought about asking him but he has never been straight with me on questions like these. Like how he felt "I was too new" to learn basic reporting - but duh like Batya said:
    Originally Posted by Batya33
    He was reluctant to train you to because you were "too new" -what does that even mean -isn't training for new people?
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Sounds a bit like you are missing the forest for the trees. You are way too focused on what is really a low level skill set you could train yourself how to do if you wanted to. It won't get you promotions. Open your eyes - people connections within the company is what gets you ahead. T got promoted and pulled M as a pal, M is pulling his pal as next in line. Welcome to office politics everywhere.
    Yes I know you are right. I guess I thought if I ever just show them my strengths and still be a pleasant person, that it will help me get "favors" without being buddy-buddy with all of them. I've been wondering too will my bosses go to the bat for me? I truly do not know this answer. :\

    Originally Posted by East4
    OP, you could talk to the other colleagues who were attending the meeting with M where the transfer of the reporting task was explained, because it concerns all of you.
    Yes I spoke to one of my coworkers today while we both went on our morning Friday coffee run and she recalled the same things from the meeting. Also she expressed frustration that through her observation, M is only training one person though. I said "Oh okay. I thought I was the only one noticing it." She said she doesn't want to ruffle any feathers so she is being mum. She is also a mother of 5 young kids and only here part-time so I can see why she doesn't care as much. I also can't blame her because M is a popular guy, as much as he is arrogant and crass, he knows how to champion people to his cause. I always saw him as a salesman. Any way if I talk to too many people about this concern, it will get to him. It's a small office.

    Don't think I am ready to escalate this to head honcho or even managers yet... plus if I or we go straight to head honcho, it's like stepping on management's big toe.

    Mari, I know I need to be more loud. I reiterated this morning I would like to be trained on Monthly Reports too when he was at my desk grabbing something from the copier. I sit next to the shared copier. He just nodded and disappeared in to the abyss. You might say rude, but he's not a morning person and I am LOL

    Jibalta, everyone was going around the table expressing which reports they wanted to learn during the meeting. M said he was here to help us all learn reports so we would all know how to use the reporting application. He said that after he trained us in a group setting (every Tuesday) we will all get these mock assignments that entails pulling reports and scrubbing the data. If you can show him you can do these reports, he would let us takeover one of his reports. So he made it sound like he's giving everyone a fair shake, but since that meeting, he's been only doing one on one training with one coworker.

    Any way I am still debating what to do... I know they are at her desk and he is training her. Do I just barge in and be like yo remember me? Or do I think happy thoughts - itís Friday. Friday. Friday.

  4. #14
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    I don't think it's about just expressing an interest in learning "x" -it's about going into see the person where you express interest AND give a few reasons at least why you should be given the added responsibility. About 20 years ago or so I really wanted a certain professional opportunity but I was on the junior end to have it. My coworker had it and I believe the issue was he was going to go on his wedding and honeymoon so he would be gone for 2 weeks during the time he was supposed to be doing this task. I went to see him first -I asked him if it was ok if I asked to take over for him while he was on his honeymoon -he said "you know -yes- and to be honest I'm kind of tired of doing ____ so if they want you to replace me that's great!". So I walked into the head honcho, and in addition to expressing interest I gave two reasons why it made sense -one was the practical reason and the other was that it would be good for me to get exposure to this new task. I was brief and direct about my interest and "sales pitch" and I got it and it changed the direction of my career.

    " I am also one of those people who think more about the team than the individual. It's how I was raised - I come from a clan culture so everything is interrelated and interdependent. Meaning my primary concern is how it affects team morale more so than my own ego."

    So do you mean a clan culture personally? I don't know whether that is entirely relevant to a professional workplace plus I've got to say from a lot of what you've written I don't get that impression at all.

    Not that you're about your ego but that you're certainly highly concerned with your individual goals and needs.

    Like this: "I assumed that meant I would take over some of M's duties since I'm next in seniority"
    "Any way I guess I kind of went along with it thinking yea I can do this because I have more experience in running reports than the rest (except for M.)"
    But I feel that if I wait, to them it may mean I don't want the new responsibilities as much as the coworker who has been getting one on one trainings.

    None of this sounds like you're concerned with the interdependence of the team or team morale - it sounds like you're looking out for your own interests -which is normal in a workplace of course.


    Also I think you need to have better boundaries of personal v. professional with your coworkers -it's lovely to be friends but I think you're using the friendship to blur the professional/personal lines.

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  6. #15
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Okay everyone, thank you all again. A lot of you are right about the assuming, maybe I am not really showing I want it as much compare to others, and I am thinking more about my ego than anything.

    Anyway here's what I did do because my ego just couldn't handle it any more. Especially when I got that nod and slow fade after I again said I wanted to learn how to do monthly reporting!

    I was getting ready to muster the courage to walk over there and asked if I can be trained too. Right when I was going to walk over, he called me and asked if I can come over to his desk because he had a question. It was like the Universe got tired of me thinking so hard that they gave me this excuse to walk over and poke my big head in.

    Him and the coworker were both sitting there and doing the monthly report, they were having some issues reconciling some numbers due to something that happened in September.

    After I answered his question, I said "Oh are you both doing the monthly report? I would love to sit here too and learn? Is that okay?"

    I got an unenthused yes from him. As I was sitting there hovering over the coworker as he was teaching her the steps, I just knew I could do the report and do it well. I caught some things they missed and pointed it out to them. Even though I felt like I was intruding, my confidence grew. I noticed coworkers started walking by and one of them asked what we were doing and he even stood at the door to watch and listen too.

    I asked if I can join next time and he said yea, it'll probably be after Thanksgiving.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Well, at least you know you can do the job. That's important.

    It's also good that he knows that you're interested.

    Question is, what are you prepared to do from here?

    What if your boss remains uninterested in handing the assignment to you?

    Do you think it could be time for you to move on?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by LootieTootie
    Okay everyone, thank you all again. A lot of you are right about the assuming, maybe I am not really showing I want it as much compare to others, and I am thinking more about my ego than anything.

    Anyway here's what I did do because my ego just couldn't handle it any more. Especially when I got that nod and slow fade after I again said I wanted to learn how to do monthly reporting!

    I was getting ready to muster the courage to walk over there and asked if I can be trained too. Right when I was going to walk over, he called me and asked if I can come over to his desk because he had a question. It was like the Universe got tired of me thinking so hard that they gave me this excuse to walk over and poke my big head in.

    Him and the coworker were both sitting there and doing the monthly report, they were having some issues reconciling some numbers due to something that happened in September.

    After I answered his question, I said "Oh are you both doing the monthly report? I would love to sit here too and learn? Is that okay?"

    I got an unenthused yes from him. As I was sitting there hovering over the coworker as he was teaching her the steps, I just knew I could do the report and do it well. I caught some things they missed and pointed it out to them. Even though I felt like I was intruding, my confidence grew. I noticed coworkers started walking by and one of them asked what we were doing and he even stood at the door to watch and listen too.

    I asked if I can join next time and he said yea, it'll probably be after Thanksgiving.
    I would not waste much more time being "trained" in this way - how did they react to your suggestions?

  9. #18
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Well, at least you know you can do the job. That's important.

    It's also good that he knows that you're interested.

    Question is, what are you prepared to do from here?

    What if your boss remains uninterested in handing the assignment to you?

    Do you think it could be time for you to move on?
    So I have my one on one(two) meeting with Management in three weeks. I was going to use it as my platform to again reiterate to both of my Managers, one of them is T who is close to M, that I would like more responsibilities specifically the complex reports like monthly and quarterly. To show how much I want it, I asked M if I can sit with him during one of his trainings with a coworker. Also emphasize that during the training, I knew I could do the job and do it well. Then just listen to what they have to say to me. If they don't want me wasting my time because they got bigger plans - great, let me know so I don't waste my time going to these Tuesday report trainings with everyone! If they're surprise that so far its only two people getting report training and not the rest of the team - great! now they're aware too.

    M is there to recommend who he wants to take over certain reports and throws in his pitch for that person, but in the end Managers decide. So if I don't get the reporting duties then at least I know I didn't get it. I am done assuming why and how. The more I assume, the more I dig myself in to this rabbit hole of thinking I must not be smart enough or not likable enough.

    Batya, M didn't show any emotion when I asked and he's pretty much been like that with me every time I asked. Coworker didn't react, her eyes were on the screen. She mentioned being nervous during the training and I asked why. Neither one of them answered and I didn't think much about it. But now that I am typing this out, i think it's because M was sitting next to her telling her what to do every step while I was hovering over them watching and also catching little minor errors here and there. So I probably won't sit in any more, unless M actually invites me.

  10. #19
    Gold Member East4's Avatar
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    OP, well done! You mustered the courage to address the issue and you grabbed the opportunity to show that you are inetersted in learning the reports and that you are capable to do it. I could see by reading your last two messages how the tone of your writing has changed to more confident and optimistic. Your last message looks like a good plan of action.

    I wouldn't be so much concerned of intruding the one-on-one training sessions because they were not supposed to be one-on-one, but for the whole team. So, if your co-worker, or M make a remark, reply innocently with something along the lines "actually it was agreed that the training would be for all of us, this is why I joined you and I guess the others would like to learn as well."

    Also, there must be a user manual, or some other guidance how to run the reports in the specific sowtware that is used. Start reading and learn by yourself. You could go to M with a speific question based on what you read in the guide/user manual and give a strong message that you are serious about learning and take over the task. I believe it is an important task, if your company is dealing with managing big-figures operations. As they say "measure to manage", hence stats are important.

    Keep this thread updated, please.

  11. #20
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Thanks East. To be honest, i thought the same. Learn it myself but there's a lot of steps to the processes - and that there are no manual or written procedures! I would need M's guidance so I can write notes down and yes have a written procedures for the complete process of pulling data, scrubbing it, reconciling it and routing it internally and externally for approval before archive.

    The only reason why I said I won't join in on their future one-on-one trainings unless invited is because coworker felt uneasy with me there - she said she was "nervous" ... I plan on my next one on one meeting with the managers, to let them know I joined their training after asking and asked again if M can invite me. Then insert if he has or hasn't.

    I've remain cool and professional with M... hoping that after all his blowing smokes clear, we can still remain coworkers who can work together.

    From this experience, I realized I work with a lot of... people who put on faces. I really thought I was friends with M and this coworker, but it's become apparent what their motives are. Not sure if T is on it but who cares. I can only be cordial and professional and not say anything. I'll let M's actions speak for itself and hope my team sees me asserting myself to their training, gives some of them some validation about what we all have been seeing and feeling.

    I'll keep this thread updated after my meeting with managers, which will be in three weeks unless they reschedule. I also don't know when M is supposed to actually be giving up his reporting duties, so that might be TBD.

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