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Thread: Need advice on how to reach out to my Ex-Wife on Christmas

  1. #21
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by askdan
    I don't remember very well since it has been nearly 2 years. I do remember congratulating her on her recent graduation and to check if she had received my card, to which she replied "I don't want your congratulations'' and hung up. I have to add that she is also Russian and has suffered a number of mental breakdowns in the past while living in Russia. I feel sorry for her in the sense that she might be suffering from PTSD or some sort of trauma, it is hard to tell. That is why I do feel compassion for her. It is a very sad story.
    Strange to remember you argued but not what about...not even a general idea? You seem to vividly remember many other details.

    Anyway.

    Itís admirable you want to show compassion but youíre essentially forcing yourself into someoneís life who is making it clear she doesnít want you around.

    Youíre describing her as a terrible miserable woman. But the thing is youíre her ex of many many many years now at this point so you donít really know her, you just know how she treats you.

    Iím not overly friendly to people I donít care for. Iím cordial to my ex husband simply because we have a child. If we didnít I canít say Iíd stop if I saw him stranded on the road.

    Your Ďselflessí explanations of your actions are nothing but excuses.

    Surely you know many of us are full aware of your previous posts.

    Come on man.

    When are you going to seek help?

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by askdan
    Thank you Cherylyn, I appreciate your response and advice. I will go ahead with a short e-mail on Christmas. Something is telling me to at least try so that I can finally get closure and be at peace. If I do get a reply, I will let you know in a future post. Otherwise, it will be back to No Contact and will start counting the days/years starting January 1st.
    With all due respect, I'd forgo the Christmas email otherwise you're setting yourself up for further disappointment. You're divorced, there are no children involved and your ex-wife has serious mental disorders for which there is no cure. You can never move on as long as you're going backwards with resuming contact with your ex-wife. Your fresh start begins now; not in 2020.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by askdan
    I don't remember very well since it has been nearly 2 years. I do remember congratulating her on her recent graduation and to check if she had received my card, to which she replied "I don't want your congratulations'' and hung up. I have to add that she is also Russian and has suffered a number of mental breakdowns in the past while living in Russia. I feel sorry for her in the sense that she might be suffering from PTSD or some sort of trauma, it is hard to tell. That is why I do feel compassion for her. It is a very sad story.
    Don't set yourself up for further abuse. Don't bother. Leave her alone.

  4. #24

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    Here's my advice...

    DON'T

  5.  

  6. #25
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    you need acceptance, not closure. its over. She left to find herself. If she wanted contact, she would be contacting you. She is not. You are trying to "diagnose" her with something to convince yourself that some illness - PTSD, bipolar disorder is what is making her not want to be with you and therefore deep down she actually wants to be with you if she got help.

    Please accept that its over. She divorced you.
    its dead and buried.

    The only thing to do is figure out what you contributed so that you don't repeat the same things in a new relationship.

    If you are lonely at the holidays, maybe spend time with family and friends, but do NOT contact your ex

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by askdan
    Figureiout23, I stopped counting after 100-something - lol. Our last conversation was in March 2018. This will be my last contact on Christmas.
    Thats not genuine. If you contact someone, you are expecting a reply. So its rubbish that you intend it to be the last. You said yourself you wanted to be friends. She does not want that. you will make her Christmas miserable if you contact her - that's not a sign of respect

  8. #27
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    No... Just ---- No.

    However, in this forum is a thread called: "Post Here Instead of Your Ex".

    That is a great place to park your thoughts and feelings.

    Leave your ex alone.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    you need acceptance, not closure. its over. She left to find herself. If she wanted contact, she would be contacting you. She is not. You are trying to "diagnose" her with something to convince yourself that some illness - PTSD, bipolar disorder is what is making her not want to be with you and therefore deep down she actually wants to be with you if she got help.

    Please accept that its over. She divorced you.
    its dead and buried.

    The only thing to do is figure out what you contributed so that you don't repeat the same things in a new relationship.

    If you are lonely at the holidays, maybe spend time with family and friends, but do NOT contact your ex
    Or...he could spend the holidays with his WIFE! The one he refuses to acknowledge exists while he continues to pursue his ex.

  10. #29
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    I'm not a professional medical personal at all. But my father was psychiatrist. I am only qualified to state what I observed of his professional obligations during the holidays,

    He was friggin' busy!

    So many patients trying to patch up dysfunctional relationships around Christmas. They'd call, they'd be in the ER with suicide attempts, there would be endless interruptions of our family dinners, his personal time so he could render comfort to patients who could not resolve their issues. Issues magnified by their unrealistic expectations during the hallmark card season.

    I'm not qualified to give medical advice at all. But my observations of how people were more needy at Christmas may inform your decision-making process.

    I recommend keeping no contact with the ex.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    Our last conversation, nearly two years ago, was not a very pleasant one. I simply called her to tell her the good news that I finished university, and instead of congratulating me, she was raging, rehashing the past, and slammed the phone on me. She checks out my Instagram from time to time but never writes, which is odd.

    I have never seen this level of anger or animosity before. I sometimes reflect and look back with some level of sadness and nostalgia, and I sometimes ask myself, ''how did we get to this point?''
    - Bipolar or not, women usually don't get rid of a guy until they have the strength, until they hate him so much that there is no going back, ever. Why talk to somebody who hates your guts? All you are asking for is trouble.

    I would move on with my life and find a new friend who likes you, not hates you. Choose your friends wisely.

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