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Thread: Need advice on how to reach out to my Ex-Wife on Christmas

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I agree the holiday season is indeed precious, priceless time for family, nostalgia and sentiment. It's all around you with public decor, music, gatherings for meals and traditions. While that's all well and good, remember whom you're dealing with. If it means dealing with a psycho, splash cold water on your face, wake up and get a reality check.

    Have an indifferent attitude. Remember both of you divorced for a reason.

  2. #12
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    Thank you Cherylyn, I appreciate your response and advice. I will go ahead with a short e-mail on Christmas. Something is telling me to at least try so that I can finally get closure and be at peace. If I do get a reply, I will let you know in a future post. Otherwise, it will be back to No Contact and will start counting the days/years starting January 1st.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    What day are you on right now?

  4. #14
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    Figureiout23, I stopped counting after 100-something - lol. Our last conversation was in March 2018. This will be my last contact on Christmas.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    I see.

    Thatís good!

    Why do you think you still desire friendship after all this time?

    What was said during your last convo?

  7. #16
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    I don't remember very well since it has been nearly 2 years. I do remember congratulating her on her recent graduation and to check if she had received my card, to which she replied "I don't want your congratulations'' and hung up. I have to add that she is also Russian and has suffered a number of mental breakdowns in the past while living in Russia. I feel sorry for her in the sense that she might be suffering from PTSD or some sort of trauma, it is hard to tell. That is why I do feel compassion for her. It is a very sad story.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    OP what is the reason you continue to seek a friendship with your ex? Do you feel it will some how absolve you of guilt in her eyes? And how does your current wife/fiance feel about all of this?

    I ask because you have posted many, many times about the deplorable way she has treated you... yet you continue to go back, time and time again, like a beaten puppy longing for love.

    I suppose it's up to you if you want to re-enter that world of codependent insanity but methinks you have suffered enough.... maybe it's time to finally let her go and stop trying to fix it.... somethings just can't be fixed.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by askdan
    I don't remember very well since it has been nearly 2 years. I do remember congratulating her on her recent graduation and to check if she had received my card, to which she replied "I don't want your congratulations'' and hung up. I have to add that she is also Russian and has suffered a number of mental breakdowns in the past while living in Russia. I feel sorry for her in the sense that she might be suffering from PTSD or some sort of trauma, it is hard to tell. That is why I do feel compassion for her. It is a very sad story.
    Please stop telling yourself nonsense stories and start working on accepting reality - you married a nasty piece of work and you got burned by that very poor decision you made. Sane people in Russia do not suffer from any kind of mental breakdowns. Please understand this. There is no sad story, there is only YOU needing to believe that so you can fix her and your very own disordered need to play Mr. Fix It. You can't fix others, but you can fix yourself and need to.

    Also, please answer - how does your wife feel about this bs of yours? You keep conveniently ignoring this question.

  10. #19
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    You asked a few months ago if losing weight would re-attract your ex wife. You also want her to see how successful you are.

    Why do you want so badly to reconnect with her? Don't you love your current wife? Aren't you committed to her? If not, why did you marry her?

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I do remember congratulating her on her recent graduation and to check if she had received my card, to which she replied "I don't want your congratulations'' and hung up.

    Doesn't past behavior predict future behavior, and didn't she clearly give you the message she doesn't want to hear from you? You're like a whack-a-mole game, where you keep popping your head out of the hole to be smacked once again.

    so that I can finally get closure and be at peace. So this is all about you, and your supposed needs. Selfish. And when you're doing something secret from your wife, like seeking a friendship with an ex, it's always crossing inappropriate boundaries. No wonder your present relationship is unhappy. You entered it without closure from your past, and you continue pouring emotional energy and time into an ex, when you should be pouring your all into your present relationship with your wife. What would you think if your wife was writing on forums about her ex and wanting to reach out to him on Christmas?

    You haven't made the best decisions in life, and that's why you're in an emotional mess. How about listening to the overwhelming majority here, since your thinking contains very flawed tunnel vision and disregard for your spouse.

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