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Thread: Ways of approaching women as a shy person

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Don't "approach" be in situations where interacting is a normal part of the activity. For shy/reserved people I highly recommend volunteering backstage in a theater or taking dance lessons/

  2. #12
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2019
    Originally Posted by dnll
    To give some context at first: 24m, employed (earning a lot over the average in my country), 1.66m (5'5), I'd say normal looking (idk how to rate this).
    Until this age I've never had a girlfriend. I still live with my parents (in my country is normal at this age) and they are freaking me out, every time they are telling me "why don't you have a girlfriend, why everyone has a girlfriend and you don't? You are killing me, you want to kill me, do you hate us so much?" and I always feel like after such conversations. Now, it is not like I don't want a girlfriend (to be fair it would be a dream coming true) but I am really shy when it comes to women.
    Alright OP, which country are you from? Your parents sound very erm... traditional, and I hope you don't mind me being blunt, ignorant. So, firstly, ignore that pressure, it is not helpful. If your parents are the type who can take a joke, tackle it with humour, like the next time they bring it up, just say, "yeah sure, I'll go order one from Cambodia now!" Communicate with them if they are the type to empathize with your struggle if they could understand it. My parents used to bug me about the lack of a girlfriend for most of my 20s, but I was able to defuse it with a mixture of humour and communications.

    I think the elephant in the room that everyone is ignoring is your height. As a short guy myself, it is going to be a painful but unavoidable fact that 50-80% of girls will not consider dating you at all based on that one fact. Bigger guys are physically more dominant, which is biologically attractive. There is two ways you can face this fact.
    1. Accept it for what it is and do not take it personally when you get shot down. Think something along the lines of, "it is a shame that she will miss out on getting to know how great I am because she does not find short guys attractive. Oh well, it's not her fault, she cannot help who she feels attracted to."
    2. Become resentful and angry at life's inequalities, "I hate how women only like tall guys! It's not fair! This is BS! I give up..."

    Obviously, option 1 is a much healthier mindset than option 2.

    Having addressed the elephant in the room, onto practical steps.

    1. Baby steps to begin with. As others have said, take up sociable hobbies like dancing to force interacting with girls in a non-romantic context. At 15 years old, I was painfully shy with girls. Then I went to a camp at a university with kids my age from around the country for two weeks. I found that I was able to talk to the girls in my group with no awkwardness at all, even though one of them was very pretty. We worked on projects, talked about life, went out in the evenings etc... I stunned myself with how sociable, like-able and funny I could be. In hindsight I believe it was because I felt no pressure, given I was the only kid from my school there, so nobody knew that I was shy or awkward, and because it was a two week thing, there was no romantic context to my interaction with the girls, and thus no pressure. But it proved to myself that pretty girls did enjoy my company and I am not out of place in their world, which is a big boost when you are insecure.
    2. Work on yourself. It is great that you are already earning way above your national average at 24 years old and on course to buy your own house around 27! Whilst you definitely do not want a gold-digger GF/wife, men should be primary providers, so demonstrating your ability to provide is rightfully attractive. So, career-wise, keep it up! Also work on keeping yourself fit and healthy. Eat well, take care of your skin, exercise regularly.
    3. Keep trying and don't take rejections personally. Three rejections by 24 is nothing! By 24 I had experienced... rejected by my first crush/love, pined for her for 3 years afterwards. Asked a pretty girl to a school dance, she said yes because it was rude to say no... but then she ghosted me all night and danced with somebody else. Got a date with a girl for what would have been my first ever movie-date... But then she found out I lied about my age (I was insecure about it and said I was 1 year older than I was) and she cancelled on me. Two girlfriends dumped me and got together with somebody else not long after. Two other girls rejected me. So yeah... you've had it easy :P
    4. It does get better. I promise. Work on yourself, improve your confidence and don't be afraid to keep trying. Yes you will get more rejections, but cast a wide net and you will catch fishes! I'm only a little taller than you, I do not earn much more than my national average and I am average looking too... If I can do it, so can you!

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Get a part-time sales job where you are forced to learn how to socialize with people. Women are just people.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Just FYI - in general I preferred shorter men, and men who were reserved/shy side -- and I married one.


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