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Thread: Ways of approaching women as a shy person

  1. #1

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    Ways of approaching women as a shy person

    To give some context at first: 24m, employed (earning a lot over the average in my country), 1.66m (5'5), I'd say normal looking (idk how to rate this).
    Until this age I've never had a girlfriend. I still live with my parents (in my country is normal at this age) and they are freaking me out, every time they are telling me "why don't you have a girlfriend, why everyone has a girlfriend and you don't? You are killing me, you want to kill me, do you hate us so much?" and I always feel like after such conversations. Now, it is not like I don't want a girlfriend (to be fair it would be a dream coming true) but I am really shy when it comes to women. Is there a guy? No problem I can start talking to him even randomly on the street no problem. Is it a girl? Hell no, it would look like sexual assault, how can I randmly approach someone? Now I can get out with friends and meet new people right? Wrong, I have just a handful of friends and all of them are not in the country at the moment. Also, I want to add that I have been refused 3 times now, 2 times was ok w/e, 1 time I really liked that person and it hurt a lot. It happened some time ago. Now I believe that I have no chance why should I be hurt again right?

    Now after this tldr of my ty love life, I really need some advice of how the hell I can handle this part of my life. How can I approach women. To be fair I prefer to somehow approach via social media but idk how the hell to do it. Should I randomly pop up and say "Hi you are cute. Do you want to go out to know each other?"

    I have no idea. At this moment I feel like , I see no freaking purpose to my ty 24 years of life...

    I have no idea what the hell I should do and how I can approach it...

  2. #2
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    Also, I want to add that I have been refused 3 times now, 2 times was ok w/e, 1 time I really liked that person and it hurt a lot. It happened some time ago. Now I believe that I have no chance why should I be hurt again right?

    How are you "refused". Did you tell them that "i really think you are pretty and i really like you" or did you ask them to coffee??


    rong, I have just a handful of friends and all of them are not in the country at the moment.
    then you make new ones. volunteer, find clubs that share your interests. I found a group online when i moved to a new place that had an interst in foreign films and would meet to go to a movie then go to a place to have a meal and discuss the film. I became friends with some of those people. and new people have sisters, daughters, nieces, neighbors and roommates that they might decide to introduce you to.

    what about moving out of your parents house and getting a male roommate, or is that not something your culture does?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are your parents expecting an arranged marriage for you? Why are they harping on this? Do they fear you are gay or never going to leave home? Your parents and living with them seems to be a major issue. Why aren't you on dating apps and briefly messaging women and meeting up for coffee?
    Originally Posted by dnll
    To give some context at first: 24m, employed (earning a lot over the average in my country), 1.66m (5'5). I still live with my parents and they are freaking me out, every time they are telling me "why don't you have a girlfriend, why everyone has a girlfriend and you don't? You are killing me, you want to kill me, do you hate us so much?"

  4. #4

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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Also, I want to add that I have been refused 3 times now, 2 times was ok w/e, 1 time I really liked that person and it hurt a lot. It happened some time ago. Now I believe that I have no chance why should I be hurt again right?

    How are you "refused". Did you tell them that "i really think you are pretty and i really like you" or did you ask them to coffee??


    rong, I have just a handful of friends and all of them are not in the country at the moment.
    then you make new ones. volunteer, find clubs that share your interests. I found a group online when i moved to a new place that had an interst in foreign films and would meet to go to a movie then go to a place to have a meal and discuss the film. I became friends with some of those people. and new people have sisters, daughters, nieces, neighbors and roommates that they might decide to introduce you to.

    what about moving out of your parents house and getting a male roommate, or is that not something your culture does?


    Moving with a roomate is not something that my culture does. You either move alone in rent (which is expensive af) or buy a house (which will require about 3 more years of work to get there).

    The refusals happened when I was in high school, I started talking to a girl then after some time I told her that I like her but she replied that she's not interested. Same for 2nd one. 3rd one I really thought it was mutual but it wasn't....

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  6. #5

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Are your parents expecting an arranged marriage for you? Why are they harping on this? Do they fear you are gay or never going to leave home? Your parents and living with them seems to be a major issue. Why aren't you on dating apps and briefly messaging women and meeting up for coffee?
    Nope in my culture there is no such thing as arranged marriage. In my opinion they belive 2 things:
    1. I am gay (which i told them many times I am not)
    2. They fear I feel ok to live alone.

    To be fair they don't want bad things for me it is just that in this ty country I live in you get married (most of the time) pretty early. For example my mom married at frwaking 18. There are tons of school collegues that are getting married at this age. Meanwhile I sit here alone.

    As for dating apps: to be fair I am not photogenic, and tinder here is basically girls who want rich boys to them.

    I would love to get out with girls but idk how to approach them, as said above...

  7. #6

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    dude:

    1. Be extremely confident at be boring. I am not joking.
    2. Create enough boundaries about the world, that it doesnt matter what are the rest are seeing. I am not saying to be an .
    3. In the end of it, you are only responsible at what affects you.
    4. Be kind to yourself
    5. You be yourself can create your happiness. You only choose what you can change about yourself.

    For myself, if found those to be enough to bang chicks. My opinion is helpful only for those that give value to it. We are stating our opinions.
    Why does it seem to me that you are asking to be told what to do? THAT IS NOT SEXY.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think you need to distance yourself from the peanut gallery (aka your family or parents) or let things roll off your back a bit better. You're internalizing a lot of that negative commentary. It's natural. Move out if you feel the space is too small for you at 24. I think you're doing yourself a disservice by following what someone else says. The forum has a number of people from different cultures and backgrounds. I'm half Asian.

    You'll feel better approaching people in general once you feel better about yourself. Try working on healthier boundaries, putting things in perspectives and don't stay stuck on social media. There are a lot of people who are stuck in that vortex and you're automatically eliminating other people who are not on social media by only sticking to social media. Depending on how a person uses it, it can also be a a smoke screen and full of fake information and insincere personalities (pretty on the outside, ugly on the inside).

    Improve your self-confidence and make an effort off the screen. You can do it. Good luck.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Grow a beard, wear plaid, and drink some beers to loosen up.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I mean....if you can't see women as just human beings, just like any guy you'd talk to, how can you possibly relate, let alone date?

    Start with making friends and learn how to let go of baggage and over dramatizing rejections. We all reject people all the time, big woop. It's a huge part of life and not a personal commentary on you. You aren't shy so much as you are insecure and hang on to whatever doesn't go your way, way way way too much. That's a personality flaw to work on regardless.

    You've been rejected 3 times in your life and you want to cry about it and act traumatized? Dude, you have serious personal issues. Players get rejected 20 times a day, yet have a new girl on their arm every weekend. Why? Because the 21st girl that day said yes. Get real.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I volunteered at the local zoo for a year, not to meet single men because I was married. I just wanted something to add to my quality of life, and am bringing it up because two other volunteers did meet there and became a couple.

    When I was single, I went to many types of dance classes, like Tango and East Coast Swing, because my work schedule varied from many of my friends, so I couldn't always count on them all the time for my social life. I did briefly date someone I met through that. Although it didn't work out, I still had a good time learning those dances.

    If you start scouring the newspapers and Internet on what local social activities exist in your community, you might be surprised at what exists. I didn't know about East Coast Swing until I went on a cruise and there were a big group of people who were instructors and were giving demonstrations on their dance moves.

    It's best to join a hobby you can enjoy, regardless of if you meet women or not, and/or do volunteer work, because it's more beneficial to gradually get to know a woman and see if a spark exists between you two before asking her out. If you don't know what the signs are that a woman might be receptive to saying yes to a date, read some articles on that subject matter. It sounds like when you asked out those girls when you were young, that you didn't look for those signs, and just jumped into the asking.

    Even if you do get a gf, keep up with your hobby because you never want to make a woman the sole center of your universe and social activity.

    Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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