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Thread: I'm feeling depressed and I think it may be affecting my work

  1. #1
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    I'm feeling depressed and I think it may be affecting my work

    I think I am feeling the hum of depression.

    My mother is a narcissist and I think 2 of my sisters may be narcissists. I stopped communicating with them about 3 years ago and it has given me so much peace of mind. I've grown so much in the last three years. about 6 weeks ago my sister called me for the first time in 3 years to tell me she separated from her husband. No interest in what is going on in my life. She just wants sympathy and money. I took the first call because I didn't know the number. After that she kept messaging me for money to send her kids to school. Honestly I would want to help my niece and nephew but I can't afford to get sucked back in. She decided not to let her husband see his kids after they split and I was not getting involved in that. About 2 weeks after she started calling me her husband (who I haven't seen in 3 years) showed up at my apartment complex without warning demanding that I speak to him. I had gone to the supermarket and came home to find him in a vehicle parked outside my apartment. I went inside and locked the door and the grill. Apparently he found his daughter at school and removed her without her mother's knowledge or consent so she started sending me messages that her husband kidnapped her daughter. Now I am getting messages that the little girl is in the hospital from an uncle I haven't heard from in 15 years and random other people. Nobody will say what is wrong with the little girl so it could be as simple as an ear infection to as serious as needing an organ. That's the point though. To drive up my anxiety enough to contact them. I'm not gonna lie. Its working.

    It might seem strange to anyone that I haven't responded to any of these several messages but I've been here with them before. This is exactly in character. They just want to find the precise combination of buttons to trigger my rescue response. They are the people who will generate a genuine emergency if they think it will work. I don't hate them. I just can't go back there. It will kill me.

    My coping strategy has been to rehearse the past in my mind. Going over all the past craziness in my mind is genuinely depressing. Reminding myself that my family does not care about me is genuinely depressing. I don't have time to be depressed. I have so much work to do. I've finally agreed to take on some leadership responsibilities I was avoiding. All the feedback so far has been overwhelmingly positive on the project I have been developing. I don't feel like getting out of bed in the mornings. I don't feel like talking to the people I need to talk to. I have a shorter fuse than usual.

    I used to be afraid of the day when they would succeed in blowing up my life. I think I still am. Once they lose hope that they will be able to use me they will come after me to destroy me. These aren't the live and let live people.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have considered seeing a physician for a checkup?
    My advice remains the same as from this thread about them: [Register to see the link]

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Have considered seeing a physician for a checkup?
    My advice remains the same as from this thread about them: [Register to see the link]
    A physician, a therapist, a restraining order. Step up to help yourself, and you win.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The only way through this doom and gloom attitude is to shake it off and stop treating yourself in a way where you're continuously thinking you owe them something. I'd stop with the savior idea also. It's not your job to save anyone.

    Why do you think that anyone would judge you for your own personal decisions? If you have a habit of telling passerbys about your personal relationships with family (colleagues, acquaintances etc) you're automatically setting yourself up for disaster, being judged by people who don't know your situation or can't keep their traps shut. That cycle of guilt keeps feeding itself like a hungry monster and you're eaten up alive by your own self-sabotage.

    Let go of all that. Be kind to yourself. Be positive, uplift yourself in better ways and shrug off that self-defeatist attitude and don't sabotage yourself anymore with these kinds of thoughts.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Have considered seeing a physician for a checkup?
    My advice remains the same as from this thread about them: [Register to see the link]
    Oh wow. I didn't realize that this post was published (I thought I accidentally deleted it and didn't have the energy to re-type it). Thanks for pointing me to it and the responses are helpful. I hate that I let them get to me like this. I think I need to reset my mind completely. To be honest I am always terrified about what people will think once my family goes on their smear campaign. I worry that everybody would believe that I am a monster. Intellectually I know I shouldn't worry what other people think but I do.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by porenn
    Oh wow. I didn't realize that this post was published (I thought I accidentally deleted it and didn't have the energy to re-type it). Thanks for pointing me to it and the responses are helpful. I hate that I let them get to me like this. I think I need to reset my mind completely. To be honest I am always terrified about what people will think once my family goes on their smear campaign. I worry that everybody would believe that I am a monster. Intellectually I know I shouldn't worry what other people think but I do.
    Here is the thing - you, nobody on this planet really, can control what others think. What you need to learn is to trust that the right people for you, will see through the bs and be on your side and those who don't, shouldn't be in your life anyway. You actually want toxic people to weed themselves out. The faster, the better and good riddance.

    As for your family, stop getting involved. When you talked to your sister, referring to your past thread, you got involved, which then lead to consequences, like her hubby trying to stake out your apartment to intimidate you. Stop interacting with them and mean it.

    No more answering numbers you don't recognize, change your number, block these people, move if you can, but whatever you do disconnect. Toxic people will suck the life out of you because that's what they do and who they are. They don't change. Only thing you control is their access to you, aka their ability to suck the life out of you and you CAN stop them cold any time you choose to. The power is in you and nobody else. No sane person will judge you for disowning toxic siblings. Once you internalize that, I think it will help you move on.

    As for support, approval - you are an adult. The day you become an adult, nobody owes you any support or approval. We are all collectively out on our own - it's freedom but it's also tough in that you are solely responsible for yourself, the choices you make and the consequences. Counseling your sister about her alleged marital situation lead to a bad consequence, so learn from that and move on. Surround yourself with better people whether it's work, friends, hobbies, etc. Most people have effed up families - whether you allow that to affect you or not is YOUR choice.


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