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Thread: Girlfriend wants me to ignore all women

  1. #1

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    Girlfriend wants me to ignore all women

    Hello everyone.

    I'm new here and it's my first time ever i do something like this to go out and search for advice about a problem i have in my relationship, i really never ever ask anyone for advice about my relationship so it's my first time and i'm so desperate i just don't know what to do anymore and i think i've tried everything and yet i'm so lost right now that i'm questioning myself..

    So let me explain.

    I'm in a long distance relationship with my girl now more than 4 years.
    We live 1600km from each other and to make it short it's safe to say it was really difficult and still is, we've had sooo much problems with my parents and almost whole family and even between us. She doesn't trust me like at all but for that i'm the one to blame i'm responsible for that so it's my fault but the thing right now is this:

    We started dating in 2015 and in order for me to go see her as much as i can i found a job (in a market) where i was able to go see her once a month for like 3 4 or even 5 days, i've had this agreement with my boss but i hate i hate that job so much like i'm becoming crazy because of it but i'm doing it now for 4 years just so we could see eachother but the thing is my girlfriend wants me to completely ignore other girls especially the ones from my job. She's oke for me to respond to clients and stuff who comes at the store but she does not want me to have any but like ANY contact with female collegues no private talk and no work talk so when some female collegue comes to me to ask any question as stupid as that question may be for example "some client want this or that do you know where it is?" She doesn't want me to respond it's been like this for a while and i tried to respect that but it just seems impossible now don't think she's crazh or anything like that as i'm the only one here to know why she wants that but the thing is she wants me to do that and i do not feel capable of doing this it's like so hard how do you do what do you do when a female collegue comes to you and ask you such question how do you ignore and like just turn your head away or walk away AT YOUR JOB ? I'm not even allowed to move my head in order to respond yes or no without making any nois like TOTAL ignoring but i wish i could do this but i can't and now i'm left wondering should i be capable of doing this for my girlfriend when she asks for it am i crazy to feel like it's impossible to do that or am i wrong i really don't know anymore i really need advice and please ignore the reasons why she ask for such a thing i really never cheated or really never gave anything that i may be like intrested in some girl i really don't give a f... about all of those females collegues and she knows that but when she asks for such a thing should i be able to do that i mean is it like she says 'it's just ignoring when they come to you you like just leave that's it" ? Or is it normal that i can't do it because they didn't do anything wrong to me or her so whenever they come ans ask or say somethkng i feel so much under pressue and i'm like panicking note please we broke up some time ago because i lied i said that i did not answered to them then i said the truth that i did but only by knocking my head as a yes and no so i asked for a new chance and said i'm sure i can do it (to completelly ignore them) and she is like ready to give it to me but only under that condition that i ignore them ALL COMPLETELY so please help me out am i crazy to think this is impossible to do or should i be able to do that like could you guys do it ?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Op, she is an insecure nut. Find a local girl .

  3. #3
    Member simple cure's Avatar
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    Do you demand the same from her? Does she report all of her interractions back to you.
    I know long distance relationships are hard, but 4 years of THAT would make anyone suffer.
    We are hardwired as humans to interact with each other, to have physical contact, to enjoy the company of others.
    There are real psychological consequences from isolation, you've already lost your ability to see what's good for yourself or not. And for what?
    Someone who loves you wants the best for you and wants to see you happy and feeling good about yourself.
    How can you possibly do that under this strain? This is not a healthy and happy relationship. It's possible to love someone and not want to lose someone who is terrible to you.
    No one can tell you, until you realize for yourself that you just don't want to have to be treated badly in order to get a crumb of Love.
    You might have convinced yourself that you are willing to go through this torture for her love, but what are the real long term results?
    You've isolated yourself so much, your going to be crippled emotionally when and if you two are ever together for real.
    You can choose to continue to suffer, or you can take charge and demand what you need and want. Or just end it and get your life back.
    What a mean person to demand this from someone else.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How did you meet? How did it become or why is it still long distance? There are so many factors here that warrant reconsidering the relationship from distance to family conflict, to this latest issue.

    It's unwise to go on and on about other women to a gf, however this whole situation is fraught with conflict and impossible situations. The jealousy thing is merely a symptom of the plethora of other issues in general and as a result of being long distance in particular.
    Originally Posted by myc
    I'm in a long distance relationship with my girl now more than 4 years.
    We live 1600km from each other
    we've had sooo much problems with my parents and almost whole family and even between us.

  5.  

  6. #5
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    Your girlfriend is a jealous insecure control freak.

    What is it about her ridiculous insecure controlling demands do you find attractive? Do you fear you'll never find anyone else willing to have sex with you?

  7. #6
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    And you, myc, are putting up with the ridiculous bs because..........

    Ask yourself this (and I'd also like to know). This is such an absurd and insane request. Why on earth would you honour that request???? Let's get serious. That is a huge red flag. Get some self-respect and get out of this stupid relationship now.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. How did you meet? How did it become or why is it still long distance? There are so many factors here that warrant reconsidering the relationship from distance to family conflict, to this latest issue.

    It's unwise to go on and on about other women to a gf, however this whole situation is fraught with conflict and impossible situations. The jealousy thing is merely a symptom of the plethora of other issues in general and as a result of being long distance in particular.
    ^^^ Yes, this.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You seem very nervous and anxious. I'm sorry to hear about this. No, it's not normal to prevent your partner from speaking with colleagues of any sex at a professional capacity. It doesn't sound like there's a lot of respect and trust in your relationship.

    That takes time with someone in person and getting to know someone.

    Not everyone grows at the same rate or equally. We all grow at different speeds and gain self-confidence as we age (most of the time). I have a strong feeling your girlfriend has a lot of growing to do and if you are feeling stifled from growth at your current job, she may be stifled in other ways also that you have very little clue about.

    My point is that the relationship seems to have grown stale, unhealthy and it's inhibiting both of you from growing.

    That kind of level of frustration isn't good. Use it to move forwards in a better way. Have a talk with her and be honest with her. If you're conflict avoidant or afraid of her outbursts of jealousy and anger, maybe ask yourself why. Why are you living in fear and spending so much time avoiding conflict with this person? Does this person add or subtract from your life? How do you both work together to produce a peaceful and happy relationship? Is it possible?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Why has the long distance lasted for four years? Do you have any time line as to when you will actually be able to live in the same continent,
    or marry? Four years is a ridiculous amount of time to be TRYING to conduct a relationship wherein you are stressed and being dysfunctionally dictated to by some chica who is making you jump through hoops.

    No man in his right mind would put up with such demands (as in don't answer work questions if its a girl asking).

    Check your ownself and figure out why you don't just leave this woman and find someone close to where you live. Is this a relationship dictated by your parents and you have no choice or what?

  11. #10
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    It is impossible to work with colleagues, of either sex, without talking to them. In 4 years presumably you haven't done anything inappropriate with the female ones, so your girlfriend has no reason to think otherwise?

    Aside from the practicalities you're long distance, not working together, so your girlfriend will never know whether you answer your female colleagues' question's and it's for her to get her head around this. Talking professionally with all colleagues is part of normal life and I don't see how she'd ever meet someone with a job who had no colleagues.

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