Jump to content

Girlfriend wants me to ignore all women


myc

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone.

 

I'm new here and it's my first time ever i do something like this to go out and search for advice about a problem i have in my relationship, i really never ever ask anyone for advice about my relationship so it's my first time and i'm so desperate i just don't know what to do anymore and i think i've tried everything and yet i'm so lost right now that i'm questioning myself..

 

So let me explain.

 

I'm in a long distance relationship with my girl now more than 4 years.

We live 1600km from each other and to make it short it's safe to say it was really difficult and still is, we've had sooo much problems with my parents and almost whole family and even between us. She doesn't trust me like at all but for that i'm the one to blame i'm responsible for that so it's my fault but the thing right now is this:

 

We started dating in 2015 and in order for me to go see her as much as i can i found a job (in a market) where i was able to go see her once a month for like 3 4 or even 5 days, i've had this agreement with my boss but i hate i hate that job so much like i'm becoming crazy because of it but i'm doing it now for 4 years just so we could see eachother but the thing is my girlfriend wants me to completely ignore other girls especially the ones from my job. She's oke for me to respond to clients and stuff who comes at the store but she does not want me to have any but like ANY contact with female collegues no private talk and no work talk so when some female collegue comes to me to ask any question as stupid as that question may be for example "some client want this or that do you know where it is?" She doesn't want me to respond it's been like this for a while and i tried to respect that but it just seems impossible now don't think she's crazh or anything like that as i'm the only one here to know why she wants that but the thing is she wants me to do that and i do not feel capable of doing this it's like so hard how do you do what do you do when a female collegue comes to you and ask you such question how do you ignore and like just turn your head away or walk away AT YOUR JOB ? I'm not even allowed to move my head in order to respond yes or no without making any nois like TOTAL ignoring but i wish i could do this but i can't and now i'm left wondering should i be capable of doing this for my girlfriend when she asks for it am i crazy to feel like it's impossible to do that or am i wrong i really don't know anymore i really need advice and please ignore the reasons why she ask for such a thing i really never cheated or really never gave anything that i may be like intrested in some girl i really don't give a f... about all of those females collegues and she knows that but when she asks for such a thing should i be able to do that i mean is it like she says 'it's just ignoring when they come to you you like just leave that's it" ? Or is it normal that i can't do it because they didn't do anything wrong to me or her so whenever they come ans ask or say somethkng i feel so much under pressue and i'm like panicking note please we broke up some time ago because i lied i said that i did not answered to them then i said the truth that i did but only by knocking my head as a yes and no so i asked for a new chance and said i'm sure i can do it (to completelly ignore them) and she is like ready to give it to me but only under that condition that i ignore them ALL COMPLETELY so please help me out am i crazy to think this is impossible to do or should i be able to do that like could you guys do it ?

Link to comment

Do you demand the same from her? Does she report all of her interractions back to you.

I know long distance relationships are hard, but 4 years of THAT would make anyone suffer.

We are hardwired as humans to interact with each other, to have physical contact, to enjoy the company of others.

There are real psychological consequences from isolation, you've already lost your ability to see what's good for yourself or not. And for what?

Someone who loves you wants the best for you and wants to see you happy and feeling good about yourself.

How can you possibly do that under this strain? This is not a healthy and happy relationship. It's possible to love someone and not want to lose someone who is terrible to you.

No one can tell you, until you realize for yourself that you just don't want to have to be treated badly in order to get a crumb of Love.

You might have convinced yourself that you are willing to go through this torture for her love, but what are the real long term results?

You've isolated yourself so much, your going to be crippled emotionally when and if you two are ever together for real.

You can choose to continue to suffer, or you can take charge and demand what you need and want. Or just end it and get your life back.

What a mean person to demand this from someone else.

Link to comment

Sorry to hear this. How did you meet? How did it become or why is it still long distance? There are so many factors here that warrant reconsidering the relationship from distance to family conflict, to this latest issue.

 

It's unwise to go on and on about other women to a gf, however this whole situation is fraught with conflict and impossible situations. The jealousy thing is merely a symptom of the plethora of other issues in general and as a result of being long distance in particular.

I'm in a long distance relationship with my girl now more than 4 years.

We live 1600km from each other

we've had sooo much problems with my parents and almost whole family and even between us.

Link to comment

And you, myc, are putting up with the ridiculous bs because..........

 

Ask yourself this (and I'd also like to know). This is such an absurd and insane request. Why on earth would you honour that request???? Let's get serious. That is a huge red flag. Get some self-respect and get out of this stupid relationship now.

Link to comment
Sorry to hear this. How did you meet? How did it become or why is it still long distance? There are so many factors here that warrant reconsidering the relationship from distance to family conflict, to this latest issue.

 

It's unwise to go on and on about other women to a gf, however this whole situation is fraught with conflict and impossible situations. The jealousy thing is merely a symptom of the plethora of other issues in general and as a result of being long distance in particular.

 

^^^ Yes, this.

Link to comment

You seem very nervous and anxious. I'm sorry to hear about this. No, it's not normal to prevent your partner from speaking with colleagues of any sex at a professional capacity. It doesn't sound like there's a lot of respect and trust in your relationship.

 

That takes time with someone in person and getting to know someone.

 

Not everyone grows at the same rate or equally. We all grow at different speeds and gain self-confidence as we age (most of the time). I have a strong feeling your girlfriend has a lot of growing to do and if you are feeling stifled from growth at your current job, she may be stifled in other ways also that you have very little clue about.

 

My point is that the relationship seems to have grown stale, unhealthy and it's inhibiting both of you from growing.

 

That kind of level of frustration isn't good. Use it to move forwards in a better way. Have a talk with her and be honest with her. If you're conflict avoidant or afraid of her outbursts of jealousy and anger, maybe ask yourself why. Why are you living in fear and spending so much time avoiding conflict with this person? Does this person add or subtract from your life? How do you both work together to produce a peaceful and happy relationship? Is it possible?

Link to comment

Why has the long distance lasted for four years? Do you have any time line as to when you will actually be able to live in the same continent,

or marry? Four years is a ridiculous amount of time to be TRYING to conduct a relationship wherein you are stressed and being dysfunctionally dictated to by some chica who is making you jump through hoops.

 

No man in his right mind would put up with such demands (as in don't answer work questions if its a girl asking).

 

Check your ownself and figure out why you don't just leave this woman and find someone close to where you live. Is this a relationship dictated by your parents and you have no choice or what?

Link to comment

It is impossible to work with colleagues, of either sex, without talking to them. In 4 years presumably you haven't done anything inappropriate with the female ones, so your girlfriend has no reason to think otherwise?

 

Aside from the practicalities you're long distance, not working together, so your girlfriend will never know whether you answer your female colleagues' question's and it's for her to get her head around this. Talking professionally with all colleagues is part of normal life and I don't see how she'd ever meet someone with a job who had no colleagues.

Link to comment

No, this not a normal request from a partner.

 

No reasonable, rational adult would expect such a ridiculous level of compliance from a partner. This is controlling and insecure to an absurd degree.

 

I'm sorry, but the only advice I can give in good faith is to leave this relationship. It speaks to serious dysfunction between you two that I would personally want no part of, and something that closing the distance is unlikely to make any better.

Link to comment
It is impossible to work with colleagues, of either sex, without talking to them. In 4 years presumably you haven't done anything inappropriate with the female ones, so your girlfriend has no reason to think otherwise?

 

Aside from the practicalities you're long distance, not working together, so your girlfriend will never know whether you answer your female colleagues' question's and it's for her to get her head around this. Talking professionally with all colleagues is part of normal life and I don't see how she'd ever meet someone with a job who had no colleagues.

 

That's what i was thinking too and i asked her how come that this kind of request i so normaln to you then i proceeded by asking her would you be able to do that if i asked you to do it ? to ignore all male collègues ? and she said yes i would if i was asking for a second chance and you give it to me with either this or any other request i would fullfil it even if the male person would come right into my face and ask me anything i would be able to do it and just ignore him

Link to comment
That's what i was thinking too and i asked her how come that this kind of request i so normaln to you then i proceeded by asking her would you be able to do that if i asked you to do it ? to ignore all male collègues ? and she said yes i would if i was asking for a second chance and you give it to me with either this or any other request i would fullfil it even if the male person would come right into my face and ask me anything i would be able to do it and just ignore him

 

That just illustrates the depth of her dysfunction and insecurity.

 

Do you find that attractive?

Link to comment

well it was complicated as she had to finish her studies first because it would be a lot easier to finish them over there than here by using a new language but then we talked face to face and even then she asked me to ignore them all and if i was able to do that we would get married so it's really a condition like if i'm not able to do it it's not possible for us to be together and just can't understand this and i hold on why you would ask because we've been 4 years together now and she wasn't like this before and i really lover her i just want her to be like before how she used to be without those crazy requests..

Link to comment

Ok you can point fingers at her all day long, ask rhetorical questions on multiple forums about how messed up she is, etc., yet you are the one hanging on to an impossible LDR. You two are just playing games and debating and antagonizing each other. Why can't you find local women to date?

i proceeded by asking her would you be able to do that if i asked you to do it ? to ignore all male collègues ?
Link to comment

Does she have trust issues because she has been cheated on in the past? If so, there is no way you can fix this, she needs counseling. It's a common issue some people have.

 

If she does not have the issue (probably does), how does she know you socialize with the help, unless you tell her about it? Rule number one would be to stop talking about other women.

Link to comment
Ok you can point fingers at her all day long, ask rhetorical questions on multiple forums about how messed up she is, etc., yet you are the one hanging on to an impossible LDR. You two are just playing games and debating and antagonizing each other. Why can't you find local women to date?

 

This! And What Gary said, how does she know? You must relay this information. Why?

 

I love how you’ve been in an unrealistic LDR for 4 years and she’s the one who’s unhinged.

 

The fact that you’d even have to ask, ‘should my girlfriend be making such a request?’

 

Come on man, 4 years?

 

You’re making her a prisoner just as much as she’s making you one.

 

Let her go.

Link to comment

This is NOT normal. Completely not normal. I actually think even saying someone can't have platonic opposite gender friends is a bit ridiculous. You do see many posts here where someone doesn't want their boyfriend to have any female friends (friendship only). I think that's not fair. But to say you're not allowed to even speak to female colleagues, what??!! How are you supposed to ignore them? That would seem extremely rude. And even speaking to women in general, how can you avoid that? Do you honestly want to be controlled like this? If the answer is "no", you should break up with her immediately.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...