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Thread: Uncomfortable comments

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by geomeo123
    But the week after I went on vacation and when I got back from vacation Iím only 4 minutes in the door and She emailed me telling me that some of the comments texts and notes I made are making her uncomfortable. So bad timing really beacause when I got back from vacation I got sick. So I told her im not sure how to respond to this because my entire body and mind feel like crap. Sorry will talk later. I took the next day off coz I was sick and when I got back I wrote her An email first thing thanks for bringing this to me directly Iím sorry for the comments texts notes I made if you could set aside some time today Iíd like to go over them. I will listen. She didnít respond, but when she did talk to me later on that day she seemed real happy. So at this point should I approach the subject again or should I walk on eggshells. I canít quite figure why she would email me in the first place. if itís that important why leave me hangin? Uggh women Maybe I should see a therapist. Can anyone explain her behavior? maybe something to do with husband?
    There's no need to go over it with her. She told you that your comments, texts, and notes made her feel uncomfortable. You simply have to respect her feelings and stop writing these notes/texts and making these comments.

    She doesn't seem to want to discuss this with you further, and she doesn't have to. It's not up to you to evaluate whether her feelings are valid or justified. It doesn't matter whether you understand her feelings or not. It only matters that you respect her feelings.

    If you are unable to do that, you are going to create problems for yourself.

  2. #12
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    Sounds like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other here ...... she certainly overstepped herself with breaking down to you about her life . I think she herself felt like she had overstepped and maybe she felt the pang of guilt that she was building some kind of closeness when she is a married woman . This isn't all on you but you do need to stop . Keep work about work end of .

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You mistook friendly for interested. She may have picked up that you thought she was interested and was creeped out by it. You don't need to walk on eggshells, just act professional. Therapy may be a good idea if you cross wires like this a lot or your home life seems to make you look for what is not there and have imaginary "affairs" in your head.
    Originally Posted by geomeo123
    I canít quite figure why she would email me in the first place. Maybe I should see a therapist.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You both overstepped and she threw up a roadblock. Instead of respecting that, you in turn invited her to discuss the fact that you two had become overly familiar even more.

    A simple 'understood' response was likely in order here. No need for discussion nor walking on eggshells. Regroup, shake it off and put this behind you.

    It's only a big deal if you make it one.

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  6. #15
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    She probably went to someone (HR?) for advice and was advised to tell you in writing that your contact was unwelcome. That's what I was advised when a man I used to date was repeatedly contacting me.

    She does not want to get together to "discuss".

    Focus on your marriage and on being professional at work.

  7. #16
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    You're married so start acting like it. Both of you shouldn't have done what you did. Keep your distance from now on.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by pippy longstocking
    Sounds like 6 of one and half a dozen of the other here ...... she certainly overstepped herself with breaking down to you about her life . I think she herself felt like she had overstepped and maybe she felt the pang of guilt that she was building some kind of closeness when she is a married woman . This isn't all on you but you do need to stop . Keep work about work end of .
    I agree with this. (and with Bolt's post)

    Adding to the two opinions:

    @OP: The two of you have overstepped workmate boundaries and she was just the first person to shut it down. If you have been emailing on a work computer then it looks like she wanted a record of shutting it all down. I think you should just have emailed her back telling her you were thinking that her personal confessions were making you uncomfortable as well and that you are glad she has agreed with your thoughts regarding the crossing of boundaries on both your parts and then left it at that... that way, there is a record of both of you refraining from any further crossing of work colleague boundaries.

    She shut you down and it would be okay for you to shut her down as well. There was also no need for her to be telling you about her personal weekend with her convict sister when you were contacting her about a work question.

  9. #18
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    Sounds like she's deflecting. Hubs probably saw the note and flipped. Don't write her any more notes. No texting after hours, and work hours, only work related items. No more flowery thank yous. She's no longer your work-wife. She wants to break up.

  10. #19
    Gold Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    You may have overstepped boundaries calling her sweetie. Or she could be crazy. Take a step back, and stop being so nice to women at work. Treat them like men. That will fix ya.

  11. #20
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    I just find it a bit weird that she was doing the same things towards you and even broke down and "cried on your shoulder". Now she's saying you're making her uncomfortable. Maybe she actually did get a crush on you, or her husband somehow found out about your communications. In any case, just stop doing any of that now and you should be fine.

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