Jump to content

Legit or Ghosting?


Mardoth20

Recommended Posts

So, Thursday, girl I am talking to wishes me good morning and whatnot, then after she gets off work sends this: “ Been a really rough day. I need to take some time to myself. I'll catch you up on it later, I just need some time alone right now. /: “

 

I tell her I understand and will give her some space.

 

She messages me Saturday,” Hey, I'm sorry I kind of went MIA. I really appreciate you giving me some space. I've just never felt so low the other day but I feel a little better now. I'll try to respond better later. Basically my boss told me they don't think they can keep working with me part time so I should look for a job better suited for my school schedule. They didn't quite fire me, they claim they're going to have me work when they need me but can't guarantee me hours. I think is their BS way of getting around them giving me unemployment. It's just been non-stop one thing after another. I have an interview Monday, but I need to keep looking around. It's just stress non-stop for me.”

 

I told her I could come over and help if she wanted and that I am here if she needs anything and to message me when she feels better. That has been since sat, I think I am taking this too personally and that she just needs some space to find a new job and whatnot. She hadn’t indicated anything of being disinterested or not wanting to continue anything. Before all this she has Been talking constantly, she compliments me, is very long winded in conversation ect.

Link to comment

Are you dating? Ok she explained what's going on so let her come to you if you're still interested.

girl I am talking to

 

It's just been non-stop one thing after another. I have an interview Monday, but I need to keep looking around. It's just stress non-stop for me.”

She hadn’t indicated anything of being disinterested or not wanting to continue anything. Before all this she has Been talking constantly

Link to comment

I messaged her telling her I can come over if she wanted help, that If she needs anything to ask, that I am glad she is feeling better and that I will continue to give her space until she communicates with me and is ready, wished her luck on finding something and that has been it since. Just trying to honor her request for space right now until she engages.

Link to comment

What are you going to do if you go over? I hope you're not assuming a netflix and chill scenario (for stress relief etc). Or are you going over to look at her CV and practice interview scenarios? To me, it sounds one-sided offering to go over as it doesn't help her situation at all or the fact that she needs a new job and probably feels low about the work situation.

 

If she wants your company she'll let you know anyway. If I were in her place, I'd really expect you to back off a little but it's up to her. See what she says. I wouldn't get your hopes up about "going over".

 

I'd give her space if I were in your position and keep in touch with her. Be prepared that she may be feeling down and discouraged and it has nothing to do with you.

Link to comment

It's not about you.

 

Don't make the mistake of making her situation about you. She's not supposed to soothe YOUR anxiety when she has her own issues to deal with.

 

If you want to be a true friend, soothe your own anxiety and let her tell you when she's ready to spend time with you again.

Link to comment

Chilax. I would have not offered to job hunt for her. that's overstepping

 

I would have just expressed sympathy "wow. Sorry to hear that, etc." or I would have said "if you want to talk about it sometime, I'm up for coffee." or "if you feel like you need a break from thinking the job hunt, that movie we both wanted to see is playing at that little cool theater for a few more weeks. Drop me a note when that sounds tempting". That way you invited but its in her court. She doesn't feel obligated to contact you unless she wants to see you. Maybe that sounds self centered but it gives you both a break from the need to keep texting eachother and she will ether circle back with you or not. And in the meantime meet others

Link to comment

I would back off. Perhaps she's busy with her job search, stressed, overwhelmed with school and doesn't have time for texting or messaging. Give her and people in general a lot of space and time. They'll eventually come around and contact you and if not, they're not interested. Never hound her or others.

Link to comment
No no, I was asking to go over to help her search jobs to possibly cut the time down.

 

I am just really honestly anxious because I have no idea what is going on since I haven’t heard anything since Saturday.

 

I'd keep my distance and remain understanding of the situation. Avoid inviting yourself over. It sounds a bit overeager/inappropriate for the level that you both know each other (don't seem to know each other well or for very long). You're also not obligated to keep seeing her while she handles her own business. Do you think you're a tad too attached at this point? It's ok if you are. Just recognize the signs and pull back a little. I agree with the others making a soft/subtle offer to touch base again but her job situation (breaking it to you easy here) is really none of your business. Take it easy. All in good time.

Link to comment

What's the benefit in assuming the worst? Anxiety and feeling lousy? Skip that, take the woman's explanation at face value, and recall any times in your life when you went through some tough experiences and were grateful that you didn't need to be accountable to anyone during that time.

 

Move your focus onto your own life and develop the resilience necessary to roll with dating. Most people are NOT our match--that's just natural odds. It's doesn't make anything 'wrong' with you whenever someone needs or wants to divert their focus from you.

 

Head high.

Link to comment

Do not contact her again for at least a week, possibly two.

 

When you do, ask her how she is doing, did the job thing work out, let her lead the conversation.

 

Then leave the ball in her court. You contacting one more time shows her you are interested. That is all you should do.

Link to comment
Do not contact her again for at least a week, possibly two.

 

When you do, ask her how she is doing, did the job thing work out, let her lead the conversation.

 

Then leave the ball in her court. You contacting one more time shows her you are interested. That is all you should do.

 

I agree with this except for questioning. It demands an answer. Unemployed people tend to isolate because they don’t want to answer questions, especially about their job search. Just send a message in a few weeks that says you’re thinking of her and hope she’s well. Then leave her be. She knows how to reach you if she wants to. Read my sig.

Link to comment
I agree with this except for questioning. It demands an answer. Unemployed people tend to isolate because they don’t want to answer questions, especially about their job search. Just send a message in a few weeks that says you’re thinking of her and hope she’s well. Then leave her be. She knows how to reach you if she wants to. Read my sig.

 

I couldn't agree more with catfeeder here ^^^. You shouldn't be taking this situation personally. Right now her main focus is (and should be) establishing herself employment wise. It isn't easy dating when you're in employment limbo. We all want to feel put together and settled when dating, and being in the midst of a job search can bring on feelings of inadequacy, stress, and gawd knows what else.

 

I second catfeeder's suggestion on reaching out in two to three weeks and letting her know you're thinking of her and hoping all is well. I wouldn't ask her how her job search is going. If she wants to bring it up, let her take the lead. But, I wouldn't broach the topic if I were you - it's a sensitive topic, to say the least.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...