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Thread: Leaving after 14 years......

  1. #21
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is there someone else you're interested in?
    You never answered this.

  2. #22
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    No I donít fully disagree at all, far from it. She does do a fair amount with the kids, especially between 6.30am and the morning school run, but thatís only because I refuse to get up before 7.30am due to often working late etc....... me staying in bed until 7.30am has caused untold arguments I can tell you.

    Iíd be a lot more content leaving, or feel less concerned about it if I thought she would cope, and I hope she finds a way to, but I have serious doubts that she will.

    I donít have any remorse as such about the decision to end the marriage, itís more leaving the kids and the dog. That will take some getting used to, for me, as well as them obviously.

  3. #23
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    Itís a difficult one because the answer is yes and no, have I had an affair, no, could I have, yes, is there a potential to be with someone after I leave my wife, possibly, but it wouldnít be a rushed thing, it would be like starting again, dating, slowly etc.....

  4. #24
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    But letís be clear, this is not a rushed decision based on wanting to be with someone else, this is a decision after 7 years of what I can only describe as imprisonment. Iím at the point now where I need to do this, for me.

    As a friend told me, you only live once, 1 shot at it, donít have regrets in decisions you have a choice to change/make.

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  6. #25
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    Just leave her. If you're entertaining the thought of developing something with another person it's time to shut it down or get our of the marriage. Your wife does not deserve that.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Who is this friend whispering ideas into your head about YOLO? Is this a lady friend?

    You've got some good thoughts and a lot of heartfelt sharing in this thread from experience and others. Hope you find peace.

  8. #27
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    No itís a male friend who has seen my mental state, mood, look, life change over a number of years.

    And I am leaving her, thatís the point of this thread.

  9. #28
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    To be honest you are clearly miserable and no one deserves to feel like a prisoner in a marriage.


    You tried to sit her down and she refuses to acknowledge the problems so I'd leave on civil terms.

    Your children will already have picked up on the situation between you.

    You can be a better pair of parents happily separated then miserable together.

    Come to a fair financial settlement and arrangenrbts for the children. There's no need to hand her everything. She has to support herself at some point. She's a grown adult.

    You sound like a fair and decent man so don't cheat on her just end it as gently as you can and don't give false hope for the future that doesn't exist in a nice way as possible.

  10. #29
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    Again - great advice.

    The ultra frustrating thing from my perspective is, she has friends, and relatives who have split up, and she will talk about it like itís fine she understands why they have split up. I have even used these people in reference to conversation when mentioning why canít, wonít you let us split up, x y and z have, and there lives are carrying on. I can only assume she thinks Iím joking. But deep down I know she canít be happy too, surely.

    If I stayed itís all false, ok we would be more financially secure, less hassle and heartache, but everything, every hug, every kiss, every holiday, every day out, every present is just false.

    Iím not a false person, of course I didnít set out to hurt anyone, and the possible thought of hurting my kids is horrible.

    I know, for example the 2nd child and dog were as a result of her trapping me, of course I donít regret having the child, or the dog, but it would have been a lot easier to have left after 7 years with 1 child than it is now with 2 kids and a dog.

    But Iím 35 there is so much from life I still want to do, and I know non of it will happen all the while I stay like this.

    The resentment will turn to hatred, and I donít want to hate anyone. I fear snapping, then what, who knows what might happen.

    Mentally I have made my decision, that I am at peace with. But I know physically doing it will be a whole different ballgame.

  11. #30
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    She's probably frightened of having to fend for herself on top of the emotional upheavel.


    That's not say she can't fend for herself she clearly can but hasn't had to for such a long time. Again though, no reason to remain. You both deserve to be happy. You staying doesn't make that happen. Just the opposite.

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