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Thread: Been in a long confusing relationship not sure if we should break up

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    If you want clarity, focus on you and picture what you want YOUR future to look like.

    Then ask, does he fit into that without spoiling any of your happiness with that picture?

    We never get any wasted time back to live over again.

    Head high.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by soconfused9
    Thank you so much. I really appreciate you. I should be going to bed myself. I feel like you are very spot on with your response. I am going to look more into building trust and commitment. I do feel like I am in a weird limbo state where I want things to be good but am afraid there has been too much damage for things to ever actually be good, but then theres another part of me that says wait things will change. Neither of us have children and he has places he could stay if he needed too.

    Thank you again, this helped a lot. Even just writing out my feelings helped a lot. You are awesome.
    Glad writing and thinking out loud is helping. One day at a time. I agree with the others about taking care of yourself. Don't be afraid to start over if you need to. Relationships are based on love, trust and commitment. Humour helps too. I think once that's lost, we sort of lose our minds too. It's good to find humour in things, keep things lively, hopeful and appreciate life in general while still seeing the bad parts for what they are.

    It sounds like he's trying to patch his life back together even if it's a long and arduous process. I'm not sure what kinds of things you both are dealing with either. Maybe he has credit issues also and has trouble getting a car loan or financing for a vehicle so has to save up in cash. Unfortunately, I did end it with my previous relationship because even though he was a good person and we got along in other ways, we just couldn't work as a couple. I kept trying to go over it in my head, to see a future with him and I could not, for the life of me, see it. The air between us was uncertain and it always felt shady and oppressive (a very heavy feeling and a blackness or darkness). I shouldn't have stayed as long as I did but then I wouldn't have met my husband just as he was becoming single and available too. So what would have happened, I sometimes wonder, if I had ended that relationship too soon and met someone else other than my husband (who would have still been married to his first wife)? What if I had made the mistake and been too afraid to leave and stayed instead? I'd never have met my husband either.

    Life works in strange ways. Eventually things will shake out the way it's supposed to. Have faith in yourself! And always believe that you deserve good things and good company.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Limbo is the way it feels and I dont want to do it anymore.
    Then don't. What are you going to do to change YOU and your lot in life? If nothing but stay and accept the status quo, then you are wasting your time. Your choice to better yourself or stay in limbo and just complain about it.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Gary Snyder's Avatar
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    He does not sound like the pick of the litter. I can see why this relationship has been tough. The drunk move and the sleeping with the other guy were bad moves on your part. And breakups are never good. I can see it's been a rocky relationship.

    More fighting often means somebody's love level is low - not good.
    I have tried to explain that I have to build my heart and love back up, its like I feel like my love well was dry and also I am wary things will go back to the way they were.

    - Bingo. You are not very interested in sex and feeling resentment. This means your love level is low. Talk to a counselor, maybe you can get the love back. If you don't, your love may drop to the point of no return and that spells breakup.

    His love level is down too, for various reasons. You might try having sex more often, it may help bring his love level up.

    Since he objects to counseling, you may have to play hardball and threaten to leave him for awhile until he agrees.

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