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She broke up with me almost 2 months ago. I shared my story here.

 

enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562310

 

After begging her for a few weeks and getting nowhere I gave up. It's been 24 days of complete NC. I stopped sending her emails, and removed every trace of myself from all social media and pretty much vanished.

 

Last night she unblocked me on whatsapp out of nowhere. I guess to me this feels like a big deal, because Whatsapp was our main method of communicating for many years.

 

Why would she unblock me now? I got filled with anxiety when I saw her profile picture, filled me with false hope, and it is setting me back in healing. I accepted it is over and was trying to move on, now I am feeling very confused/anxious.

 

I am still blocked on her instagram, and she deactivated or deleted her facebook profile shortly after we broke up.

 

Anyone experience anything like this? In my mind I know there are two possible reasons.

 

1 she figures I have moved on and unblocked me because there is no reason to keep me blocked because she knows I will not contact her (but why keep me blocked on instagram, and why does she not re-activate her facebook profile?)

 

2 she unblocked me to see if I jump at the chance of talking to her, because she misses me and wants to know if I am still pining for her.

 

Last month she threw me a few bread crumbs, texted me and said she misses me, that I am the only man that ever loved her, I will always be in her heart etc. Blah. I don't know what to think anymore.

 

I am afraid this is just prolonging my suffering and I am reading too much into it..... can anyone help me understand her mentality?(long shot I know)

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She's probably low on cash, and hoping you'll eventually send more money to her.

 

You indicated in your last thread you sent money throughout your relationship. You jumped through all kinds of hoops to get her approved for a K1 visa to join you in the US, and she pulled out.

 

It would be best if you block and delete her so you don't waste any more time, energy or money on this woman.

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She broke up with me almost 2 months ago. I shared my story here.

 

enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562310

 

After begging her for a few weeks and getting nowhere I gave up. It's been 24 days of complete NC. I stopped sending her emails, and removed every trace of myself from all social media and pretty much vanished.

 

Last night she unblocked me on whatsapp out of nowhere. I guess to me this feels like a big deal, because Whatsapp was our main method of communicating for many years.

 

Why would she unblock me now? I got filled with anxiety when I saw her profile picture, filled me with false hope, and it is setting me back in healing. I accepted it is over and was trying to move on, now I am feeling very confused/anxious.

 

I am still blocked on her instagram, and she deactivated or deleted her facebook profile shortly after we broke up.

 

Anyone experience anything like this? In my mind I know there are two possible reasons.

 

1 she figures I have moved on and unblocked me because there is no reason to keep me blocked because she knows I will not contact her (but why keep me blocked on instagram, and why does she not re-activate her facebook profile?)

 

2 she unblocked me to see if I jump at the chance of talking to her, because she misses me and wants to know if I am still pining for her.

 

Last month she threw me a few bread crumbs, texted me and said she misses me, that I am the only man that ever loved her, I will always be in her heart etc. Blah. I don't know what to think anymore.

 

I am afraid this is just prolonging my suffering and I am reading too much into it..... can anyone help me understand her mentality?(long shot I know)

 

Go with the obvious (what a lot of people won't do around here). They're thinking about you and opened up a door to future communication. That's what you should take away from it.

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Please try and move on. This is not the way to treat a loved on, specially on a long distance relationship.

 

I have blocked an ex, mainly for me, as it creates massive havoc in my emotional well being. Did not want him back at all, but still hurting at that point. It was just the reality.

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I just read your precious thread. It's blatantly shockingly clear SHE'S USING you.

 

She unblocked purely because her money has dried up and she's wanting to hit you up for more money. After all, you're her personal bank aren't you?

 

Please keep her blocked. She was scamming you and that's all it was. Don't believe her if she finds a way to contact you. Rmemeber, it's just for money and more attention. You aren't a toy and a doorstep mat, so time to stop acting like one.

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Go with the obvious (what a lot of people won't do around here). They're thinking about you and opened up a door to future communication. That's what you should take away from it.

 

You are correct!! She is absolutely thinking about him. And she is definitely wanting to open a door for future communication with him. In particularly to provide him with her bank details.

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Sorry this is happening. When you invest as much as you have in this, the loss seems greater. Like gambling. High risk, high investment and when you lose what you wagered it sting is even more. She may have a new phone or reinstalled apps, who knows.

 

What you do know is that you want to get back to the craps table for more highs. This is why you leave the door open like this and have far from "vanished". You want to quit being taken but like compulsive gambling, it's very hard to stop.

It's been 24 days of complete NC. I stopped sending her emails, and removed every trace of myself from all social media and pretty much vanished.

 

1 she figures I have moved on and unblocked me because there is no reason to keep me blocked because she knows I will not contact her (but why keep me blocked on instagram, and why does she not re-activate her facebook profile?)

 

2 she unblocked me to see if I jump at the chance of talking to her, because she misses me and wants to know if I am still pining for her.

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Even those that choose to end a relationship go through a grieving process. Doesn't translate into wanting to reconcile.

I've done the same thing. Just curiosity, that's all.

Anything other than a yes is a no.

Don't read into it and don't let it set you back.

 

Yeah that is how I am trying to see it, but it still has set me back. Strangely enough I felt relief being unblocked after so many days of NC.. it gave me a adrenaline rush seeing her profile picture. I can't understand why I still have feeling for her even after how horrible she treated me.

 

She's probably low on cash, and hoping you'll eventually send more money to her.

 

It would be best if you block and delete her so you don't waste any more time, energy or money on this woman.

 

I will try to take your advice, but I don't think I am strong enough to block her on whatsapp yet.. maybe when I am fully healed and tired of hurting which will soon I hope. I still have thousands of photos and videos I am not strong enough to delete. It was such a powerful experience going to Brazil to be with her. There are just too many memories:(

 

Go with the obvious (what a lot of people won't do around here). They're thinking about you and opened up a door to future communication. That's what you should take away from it.

 

I think you are right. She made decision to unblock me. There could be endless reasons, so I guess there's no point in driving myself crazy wondering why. I will not contact her though, I figure if she has something to say she will text me.

 

Tread carefully. As someone stated above anything other than "yes I want to try again" is a no. No matter how vague or hinty it is.

 

I think she's just curious or seeing if you will keep sending her money but it's your call.

 

I guess time will tell my friend. If she wants to get back together and is sincere in apologizing I would consider trying again. I am not going to hope for that though, I am trying to move forward, but with a open mind. Thanks for your reply

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She's low on funds and her other marks aren't coming through.

 

Please, please block her and focus on being emotionally present for your child.

 

You are absolutely right. My daughter has been the only beacon of light through all of this, just seeing her eyes light up when she see's me eases the pain. Knowing she will never abandon me, and her love is always mine as long as I live. Thank you boltnrun, your comments have been very helpful.

 

Please try and move on. This is not the way to treat a loved on, specially on a long distance relationship.

 

I have blocked an ex, mainly for me, as it creates massive havoc in my emotional well being. Did not want him back at all, but still hurting at that point. It was just the reality.

 

I think I am starting to move on. I am afraid it will take alot of time though:( Thank you for your kind words. I wish you the best in your situation.

 

 

I just read your precious thread. It's blatantly shockingly clear SHE'S USING you.

 

She unblocked purely because her money has dried up and she's wanting to hit you up for more money. After all, you're her personal bank aren't you?

 

Please keep her blocked. She was scamming you and that's all it was. Don't believe her if she finds a way to contact you. Rmemeber, it's just for money and more attention. You aren't a toy and a doorstep mat, so time to stop acting like one.

 

Precious lolololl. You are right though. I was very hurt when I first wrote that thread, I was in denial. Looking back now it is interesting to read it and see how I have progressed healing. If she contacts me and is sincere about making this work, I will at least hear her out. There is no way I will contact her first however. I am trying to replace the heartbreak with anger. I keep having good and bad days. I try to focus on the fact that she not only stabbed me in the heart, she twisted the knife in as well:( thanks for reply

 

You are correct!! She is absolutely thinking about him. And she is definitely wanting to open a door for future communication with him. In particularly to provide him with her bank details.

 

Lol everyone here is very annoyed that I sent her so much money, and with good reason. I explained why I was comfortable helping her. Although my ex did apologize last month for accepting so much money, so at least kind of admitted in a way, she was using me. She is very religious and said she asks for Gods forgiveness.

 

I cant help but think many of you here have a wrong picture about her. She did use me, for sure, but she was a very sweet and caring person ( when we were not fighting) but when we argued she was brutal. I guess I have always known she was cold, so why should I be surprised she broke up in such a horrible way? One day at a time I guess:/

 

Sorry this is happening. When you invest as much as you have in this, the loss seems greater. Like gambling. High risk, high investment and when you lose what you wagered it sting is even more. She may have a new phone or reinstalled apps, who knows.

 

Exactly that is why this is so painful. After nearly 3 years with her I feel like I don't know who I am anymore.. I had a clear picture in my mind of how it would be with her living in the US, and letting go of that idea is not easy. I am trying to remember the plans I made with her were mine, and I can still accomplish everything without her. Your comments have been very understanding wiseman, thank you for all your replys.

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Thanks everyone. I am taking the advice as it is, I watch hundreds of videos trying to understand the psychology of why I am hurting, still I am still in alot of pain. Knowing why I am broken and even knowing how to fix myself, provides little comfort.

 

I feel weird as talking about this here, but I can see many of you are honestly trying to help people because you understand how much this hurts. This makes me feel good, seeing good decent human beings trying to help others. So I suppose posting here has helped me.

 

I am still in love with the woman I thought she was, not the person she is today. I will keep up no contact, and update you guys if she contacts me. Sending love and healing to all

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She is very religious and said she asks for Gods forgiveness.

 

I cant help but think many of you here have a wrong picture about her. She did use me, for sure, but she was a very sweet and caring person ( when we were not fighting) but when we argued she was brutal. I guess I have always known she was cold, so why should I be surprised she broke up in such a horrible way? One day at a time I guess:/

 

 

.

 

Religious people ask God for forgiveness in a way to relieve themself of guilt imo.

They repeat the sin again , and again ask God for forgiveness.

She didn’t ask you to forgive her. Funny that!!!

 

How she behaved in arguments is her true colour.

That’s your ex!

Not the intermittent sweet caring person she pretended to be when things were going her way. It’s easy to do that.

 

Being polite about it, at best she is an unreasonable , self centred person.

 

You’ll be fine and one day look back on this as a lucky escape !

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She didn't seem to be too concerned about God when she was scamming you for money.

 

I understand it's very difficult for you to accept that everything she did was to get money out of you. Or that she most likely has other men she's pulling the same scam on. You wanted very badly for this to be true, but it just isn't.

 

I fear if she does start communicating with you again you will eagerly send her more money in an attempt to "keep" her.

 

You could use the money you aren't sending her anymore to do something really wonderful with your child. Your child's love is true and sincere.

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So I actually have a different take than most.

 

I don’t think she was using you.

 

I think her reason ‘ your jealousy’ and her ‘ fear of leaving her home’ were both very valid.

 

You’re defending giving her money saying she’s not a gold digger. I agree! But the way you worded it, the bitterness flowed through and did not paint her in a very good light, but I kinda saw through it. I really don’t think she was using you for money I think everything was just too much and I think you got blocked because you wouldn’t back off and give her space. You tried to guilt her into reconciling. My ex husband use to so that, it’s very heart wrenching and a little manipulative to be honest.

 

Give her space.

 

Mourn the relationship.

 

One day at a time.

 

No one can say what her unblocking means, so play it safe. Leave it be, if she wants to reach out she will.

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So.. its December. 1 month of complete no contact concluded...can honestly say I have not healed at all. Still crying every day... sometimes for 2-3 hours at a time when I have time alone. Today I made it a good 5 hours after I woke up before I finally burst into tears. Sadly, that is a slight improvement. I am really not well.

 

I keep dreaming about her, nearly everynight, and when I wake up the memory of the dream makes me sad for the rest of the day. I keep saying to myself, you will not cry today, you are getting better, you will be okay... but sure enough the sadness hits me out of nowhere and I cry for her. Every day. I am so tired of the pain. It is such a helpless, horrible feeling. I miss her.

 

She still has me unblocked on whatsapp messenger. Why she unblocked me is irrelavant. As others said, could be for a thousand reasons. She deleted her facebook page, I was not blocked.. so she just de-activated her page. If she was moving on with her life, she would be back on facebook, no?? Somehow the fact she is not on facebook gives me hope that we will get back together.

 

Still have hope that she contacts me before her USA visa expires in March next year. Somehow, I know I will not be able to accept this relationship is over until after March. She told me the exact date her visa validity expires, God knows why but she told me the exact date.

 

I still check whatsapp often, sometimes I see she is online, and I wonder who she is talking to. Makes my stomach turn. I just want to talk to her and tell her how much I miss her.

 

Each day I wake up the first thing I do is search for her on my phone, check my emails, look at whatsapp, search for her on facebook, and I still look at her instagram page daily. I am sorry to blatently ignore all the good advice I was given here, but I can't help myself. It is so hard. I loved her with all my heart. I gave everything I had to her.

 

I know I am volunteering for self torture looking at social media, but somehow, not knowing how she is doing makes me feel even worse. I cared about her so much. Too much. So I keep looking at her instagram to feel some connection to her. I miss her dearly.

 

I am drinking heavily once or twice a week. Mainly on the weekends. It makes me forget her for a few hours at least. Work keeps me busy otherwise, but it is so hard. Sometimes I need to go to the bathroom at work just to cry. I cry driving home.

 

I try to be strong and forget her, I try to remember the fact she said she met someone else already, (2 weeks after approved for a fiance visa) I try to remember all the evil words she said about him being better than me, but I cannot stop missing her. She was so wonderful when she was with me.

 

Right now after 30 days+ I am feeling the urge to contact her. I know it will not get me anywhere, she will ignore me, or tell me to move on again... I think I am constantly checking her instagram because I WANT to see a picture of her with her new boyfriend. I want closure.

 

Maybe that will help me move on. I have been through a horrible breakup before years ago... my older brother passed away very young... I know my pain will ease with time, but I have never felt so much pain in my life equal this. I don't know when the pain will end, I am starting to accept the fact that maybe the pain will never stop. I will just need to live the rest of my life with this sadness inside my heart.

 

This girl really broke me in two. I am in the darkest time of my life. I think even if I move on, and find a new relationship with another woman, I will still have days I will cry remembering her. I don't think I will ever stop loving her. I don't know how I can express how much sadness I feel. There are no words to describe.

 

I have considered therapy, but I doubt it will erase the pain, and I do not want to go on anti-depressants. Prefer to face my problems alone. Thanks everyone for trying to help me, but I think I am beyond help. I will update my progress anyway. Thanks again, you have all been great.

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OP,...

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but people telling you gently doesn't seem to be working.

 

Thanks Ray. I try brother, some days I am half okay, other days I am a mess. I can't see it getting better any time soon.

 

So I actually have a different take than most.

 

I don’t think she was using you.

 

I think her reason ‘ your jealousy’ and her ‘ fear of leaving her home’ were both very valid.

 

You’re defending giving her money saying she’s not a gold digger. I agree! But the way you worded it, the bitterness flowed through and did not paint her in a very good light, but I kinda saw through it.

 

Give her space.

 

Mourn the relationship.

 

One day at a time.

 

No one can say what her unblocking means, so play it safe. Leave it be, if she wants to reach out she will.

 

Yeah you are 100% correct. You did see through it. Honestly, she never really intended to use me, for any reason financial or otherwise. It's not in her nature. Even though admitting this just makes me hurt even more and miss her more.

 

I was often jealous. At the time, I thought my actions were justified. Too many guys orbiting around her for me to feel comfortable. So we fought many times for that reason. I guess at the end of the day, I learned being jealous only makes me look weak. So if I have another relationship I will remember that.

 

I never understood why she said was willing to leave her country. She has a close family in Brasil. We agreed when she was in the US we would send her mother money to help her, and eventually get her mom a tourist visa to come visit us. I tried to make her transition to the US as painless as possible.

 

I think the main reason she broke up with me is her fear of leaving Brazil. When she finally had the US visa in her hands, the reality of leaving her country hit her, and she backed out. Still, if she loved me enough she would never broke up.

 

The morning she called me and said we were approved for the visa, I cried tears of happiness. I NEVER felt so happy before. So, reverse that feeling of total happiness, to complete sadness, and you can see how devastating this has been for me.

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Please seek professional help. Your obsessive behavior, depression and alcohol abuse are negatively affecting your child whether you think so or not.

 

Please get help for the sake of your child, if you won't do it for yourself.

 

I am considering therapy for sure for my breakup. As far as my daughter she is fine, and I appreciate your concern, because I would be thinking the same way as you if I read my story. No matter what happens to me, my heart is big enough to be a good father to her. I just cant stop missing my ex:(

 

I just cant accept that she is gone. Why do you think she deleted her facebook page?? Its been 2 months

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OP nothings improved because you have changed nothing.

 

You are still refusing to accept she's used you and is gone for good. You need to stop searching for her, checking her Instagram etc etc. This is what's keeping you stuck.

 

Don't say you can't help yourself. That's ridiculous. You can help yourself as much as yo want too but you don't. You want to hang onto some ill formed vision of what you had which for her was simply you being a bank account to her.

 

People tip-toe'ing around you in here clearly isn't helping. I agree with the other post. I recommend you get professional assistance from a therapist to see why you want to remain stuck to such a draining person so that you can move on with your life.

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