Help needed

Hi guys so me and my ex gf broke up 2 months ago we had been together ten years , 5 years ago she did the same thing we had a year of no contact to then find her on my doorstep crying a year later

Last time we broke up I begged pleaded almost lost my Mind this time I was upset but not bothered as much. And I certainly wasn’t going to chase someone who didn’t want to be chased

She said she wanted to remain freinds and still see me regular I declined but proceeded to see my daughter daily she said she liked it the way it was

She would occasionally drop a few crumbs walking round naked etc to see if I were still looking at her . She was acting like nothing changed other than we’ve not been intimate it felt too weird for me so I’ve bailed and gone to seeing my daughter on the weekends.

We have a 4yr old together we have very limited contact . My ex has acted as if she’s strong and it has both bothered her , but last night I was FaceTiming my daughter and I was getting ready to go out . My ex then proceeded to ask me if I was going out where and if it was with “a..... somebody”

Well the truth is i have met somebody recently it’s still new and fresh we don’t know what it there has been no sex it’s just emotional connection we have just it feels so right . I’ve told her everything the good the bad the ugly and she’s still keen as mustard .

my ex has shown no interest she hasn’t been bothered about anything until she started asking this questions and I’m not sure why

She probably fears losing you which is ridiculous as she's ended it twice.

Just keep on the path you are on. Maintain civil contact for your daughters sake and only be in contact with her regarding your daughter.

What reason did she give for ending things both times?

Sounds like she met someone else the first time without further details. Turning up after a year crying? Sounds like a new guy failed.

I'd reject her friendship offer as you have done. That's just for her benefit, not yours and focus on getting over her.

If things are going well with the new lady then pursue that and see where things go. It may or may not work out but it sounds like it's over with your ex anyway.

Sorry to hear this. Why did you break up this time? What is it you wish to have? The new person or your ex back? Don't discuss your dating life with your ex and don't use the new person to make the ex jealous/come back. Now one deserves to be stuck in your and your ex's on/off crossfire.

Most of all start paying child support and having regular scheduled visitation with your daughter. She's the innocent in all this so try to provide whatever consistency you can. When did you move out? Where are you living? Have you settled all the financial and other ties?

Hi guys so me and my ex gf broke up 2 months ago. i have met somebody recently it’s still new and fresh we don’t know what it there has been no sex it’s just emotional connection we have just it feels so right . I’ve told her everything the good the bad the ugly and she’s still keen as mustard.

 

my ex has shown no interest she hasn’t been bothered about anything until she started asking this questions and I’m not sure why

Ninjabib ... Thank you for your reply as a guy I struggle to read Situations the first time she didn’t give a reason just ended it disappeared changed her number blocked me on everything .

This time she said she can’t forget the past witch I don’t understand either .

The new lady I don’t see as a rebound, I spent the past 1.5 months evaluating myself going to the gym reading enjoying myself I made myself happy and some how this lass has come into my life and made it 100000x better

But now she’s playing silly buggers and

I don’t understand the mind games if that’s what you call it .

I tried a few times to reconcile but she would just reject my advances so I gave up after about a week like I said I wasn’t going to loose my mins over someone that didn’t want it .

But Why ask me if I’m seeing someone now , my freinds said now she will start texting me about trivial things and I was like naahhh .

But lo and behold I’ve just received a message from her asking me about something she could have asked me when I see my daughter tonight 🙄

the hardest part is we are due to go on holiday next week I tried to buy her out and take my daughter away on my own but she wouldn’t have it . I’m not sure about this whole situation

I want to move on . I font want to be stuck In this cycle .

I’ve been paying money into her account since my daughter was born and I still buy her anything she wants/needs ! I also see my daughter as much as I physically can ! So I don’t want to be made out to be a dead beat dad .

When she asked me I told her it was none of her business in a polite way

I had a feeling her excuses for ending it would be vague at best. She doesn't sound like someone you can build a future with. She's either a 'grass is greener' girl or won't communicste. Neither are good.

Yeah she's going to be doing her utmost to get between you and the new woman you have started dating. Jealousy probably. She doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to have you either.

Normally in this situation I would just block and delete her but sadly this cant be done as you have a 4 year old together.

What I would do is send her a message advising her that you will only respond to her about things concerning your daughter. She will try and breadcrumb you to keep you stuck but it's vital you ignore these and respond only to her when it's about the family.

Get arrangements in place quickly for payments and access to your daughter so the she has less reason to message you.

You are right it's none of her business who you date from now on.

Unfortunately, money and visiting on whims is unfair to a child and seems like a reason to stay in touch more with the ex. If there were scheduled child support and visits there would be less reason to interject your dating adventures while video-chatting with your daughter. You're playing games if you dropped hints to the point of telling her "it's none of your business".

I also see my daughter as much as I physically can ! So I don’t want to be made out to be a dead beat dad . When she asked me I told her it was none of her business in a polite way

I’ve known her so long but yet I don’t know her at all

I think she’s a grass is greener kind of girl my pals have all said it she likes to run around acting the victim but of course a little part of me still loves this girl.

I woke up three other day thinking did I treat this girl badly or was it the other way around

I’ve got everything in place as far as my daughter is concerned she always come first I’m struggling without her to be honest she said is my rock

Wiseman2

I can assure you i am not playing games than you !

The video chats with my daughter is because she needs to speak to me before bed or she cries for long periods of time and makes herself sick

maybe that’s why I should do go through courts put up restrictions upset my daughter further

No I don’t think so

I’d appreciate you not replying further

Eh. Exes get jealous when you start moving on and dating again, even if they’re the one who ended it. Still trying to control the situation in some way...

At this point it really is none of her business other than evaluating who you bring around your daughter.

Don’t offer any information but if she asks, just be straight up and she can just react how she does. She will have to own that*

Good luck with the new girl. Slow and steady and it might turn out good :)

Carus*

I’ve known her so long but yet I don’t know her at all

I think she’s a grass is greener kind of girl my pals have all said it she likes to run around acting the victim but of course a little part of me still loves this girl.

 

I woke up three other day thinking did I treat this girl badly or was it the other way around

 

I’ve got everything in place as far as my daughter is concerned she always come first I’m struggling without her to be honest she said is my rock

Considering the situation you find yourself in mate i think you have got it all handled well. You have pretty much already dopne everything i'd advise. Good luck!

Thanks guys I really appreciate it and to have you guys total strangers telling me I’ve done all the right things makes me happy

Cheers guys

What your ex is doing is very simple and childish at the same time, "I don't want to play with this toy anymore, but I don't want anyone else playing with it either." If she is prone to this kind of thinking, that's a red flag for you in terms of the less she knows the better because people like that can become vindictive. If you are happy and she isn't, she may well start to mess with you and your access to your daughter. Even if she is happy....people like that aren't rational.....

As others already said, please establish some healthy new boundaries between you. Do not play make up break up games anymore. She's left you twice now.....ye olde fool me once fool me twice... Time for you to call it a day and move on, which sounds like what you want to do anyway. Part of moving on is forget trying to figure out what your ex is thinking. It's a fool's errand and will do nothing but leave you constantly stuck and confused. Healthy boundaries means that you no longer discuss or share anything about your personal lives and limit your conversations strictly to your daughter and what she needs. There are even parenting apps designed for that where you limit to scheduling/child issues and nothing more as far as chit chat goes.

Overall, I think you do need to at least speak to an attorney and get mentally ready to establish formal custody at some point. Right now, things are OK between you and it's working, but what this woman has shown you time and again is that she is not reliable that way. She may disappear, she may suddenly cut you off without an explanation, etc. Be ready for some rough waters with her just going by her past behavior and be prepared for a fight in the future. I mean I hope it never happens, but if I were a betting person, I'd bet that shaite will hit the fan at some point and abruptly so. Better be ready for it and armed with knowledge on what you can and cannot do and how.