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Thread: Argument After Night Out w Boyfriend's Female Friend.

  1. #1
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Argument After Night Out w Boyfriend's Female Friend.

    This is killing me. I need to know if I am wrong to feel the way that I feel.

    I don't mind my boyfriend hanging out with other women. We are both adults and I trust him. I don't feel like he would do anything behind my back. On Thursday, he hung out with this girl whom we shall call M. He invited me out to hang with the both of them, but I backed out due to social anxiety. I was feeling low on energy from work and I just wasn't feeling up to it. I am a bit bothered by the fact that he told her that I had social anxiety.

    That next day, he invited me out to hang with both him and her again. He told me that I could get out more and that being exposed to more people would get me out of my shell. Reluctantly, I agreed to go with him. That's what normal girlfriends do, they go places with their boyfriends. And usually I don't mind if it's just us, I just get a little nervous when it comes to hanging out with other people. I do it. I act normal, but that doesn't mean my heart isn't racing.

    So we arrive at the bar where M and her guy (gay) friend is with her (M is apparently bisexual). We all sit at the bar and we have a couple of drinks before we go to our next location. Fast forward to the issue at hand. We enter another casino, and M goes on to tell us that she had one of her birthdays here. Where she "effed" both her boyfriend and his friend. But she stayed with her boyfriend's friend the whole night instead. Okay, to each their own, I'm not judging. Then when we walked a little further into the casino and she said that she would "eff" both my boyfriend and me, and that we could thank her later. (My boyfriend said that he did not recall her saying this, which upsets me. I mean it could be a possibility because we were inside a loud area, but still..) I was put off by that in a negative way. Then THIS BS happened. She purposely abruptly stopped walking in front of my boyfriend so that he could run into the back of her. Not one, but TWICE, accompanied with a giggle and a playful "Oops! I'm sorry". Like I wasn't even standing there.

    I was furious, but I kept it cool because I didn't want to ruin the night. I do that all the time to my boyfriend so that I could press my butt up against him. I grabbed my boyfriend by the arm and told him that I'm being nice to his "friend" to preserve the night. My boyfriend claims that he did not remember her doing it a second time. The things he has forgotten is too convenient for me. When we got home, my attitude grew. I'm pissed because he didn't defend us. I felt like he let his trashy friend disrespect not only me, but us. He did not defend us. He didn't say anything to protect us. The only thing he said to M when she did that was " I didn't know it was going to be that kind of night..." That's not sufficient enough for me. Maybe just a simple "Hey, my girlfriend is right here."

    Then, what pissed me off even more, is that I felt like he was making excuses for her. I told him that it was outright disrespectful. He tells me that she probably wasn't serious and that she was just joking. That there is more than one possible reason for her actions. He didn't find her actions disrespectful at all. Then what the heck was it? I don't think it was innocent. I have refused to go out with some of my guy friends because I consider my boyfriends feelings, even when he didn't know about it. That entire night, men tried to talk to me when I was separated from the group. I never flirted, I stayed true to him. Any men that could possibly threaten what we have, I eliminate all chances of that happening. I don't feel like he did the same for me. I was so heated last night, and I feel so bad for how far our argument went, but I was just so disappointed in him. Am I over reacting?

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I donít think you are over reacting she was gross and inappropriate.

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    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I donít think you are over reacting she was gross and inappropriate.
    She wore a crop top and a black leather skirt.. and Iím over here in jeans and a sweater. I just donít understand why he wouldnít find that disrespectful. He claims he doesnít remember..

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    She acted in a trashy, tacky, disrespectful way. Sounds like she likes to be the center of attention and since you were there she was acting out. Doesn't excuse it at all, just making an observation. It also sounds like the plan was not conducive at all to having normal conversations and having fun because it was so focused on drinking - you all chose to drink and chose the consequences but that environment just exacerbates these kinds of issues. I don't see why he views her as a good friend.

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    And why are you with this boyfriend that is clearly enjoying the attention and, frankly, trying to get you on board with something something with this other woman?

    At this point it is absurd for you to think you are fine with him hanging out with other women. That is either extremely naive on your part, or evidence of denial.

    If I were you, I would pass entirely on this BF and kick him to the curb.

    You do not share the same value system regarding relationships.

  7. #6
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    You obviously don't share the same relationship values. You need to sit down with him and discuss what's acceptable and what's not acceptable, and if you can't come to an agreement, you need to find someone who has the same relationship boundaries.

  8. #7
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Flip the situation and if your male bisexual friend offered a threesome with you and your boyfriend, and openly tried to seduce you (or at least flirt) infront of him, he would have flipped out 100%.

    So no, you are not over-reacting. Dump this immature man child who clearly does not understand boundaries and does not respect you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Can everyone remember who the OPer is?

    Just take a look at past posts refresh your memories..

    Ok yíall back?

    Great!

    The OPer knows full well what type of relationship sheís in, she knows how deep her insecurities go and how codependent she is with her boyfriend.

    She isnít presenting this under the lens of normalcy. Their relationship is far from normal but it works for them, advising her sheís right to allow her anxiety to run the show is a hinderance to her because until she makes the adult decision to handle her sh*t, this is her life and itís best to not feed into any of it. She chooses to live this way, this whole song and dance asking for advice on this site, all part of the merry go round.

    /rant.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Your boyfriend can play dumb all he likes, but he's well aware of what she was doing and how she was behaving. He's excusing it or pretending not to know only to appease you.

    Why would you date a man that not only: 1.) Allows other women to behave this way with him and doesn't care if you see it or not? 2.) Does not care if another woman disrespects you right in front of him and refuses to defend you or your relationship?. 3.) Lies and calls this a "friend"? and 4.) Would hang out with someone this trashy, nevermind call her a "good friend"?

    It's obvious that there is more than meets the eye in this situation. You can either accept it or you can end things with him. But what you cannot do is force him to change how things are with her or be honest with you on how close they actually get.

  11. #10
    Bronze Member ConfusedLady21's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by figureitout23
    Can everyone remember who the OPer is?

    Just take a look at past posts refresh your memories..

    Ok yíall back?

    Great!

    The OPer knows full well what type of relationship sheís in, she knows how deep her insecurities go and how codependent she is with her boyfriend.

    She isnít presenting this under the lens of normalcy. Their relationship is far from normal but it works for them, advising her sheís right to allow her anxiety to run the show is a hinderance to her because until she makes the adult decision to handle her sh*t, this is her life and itís best to not feed into any of it. She chooses to live this way, this whole song and dance asking for advice on this site, all part of the merry go round.

    /rant.

    I did not come here to get attacked. I don't know you and you certainly don't know me. Personal improvement is a daily thing. I am not co dependent on a man, I have ended relationships over disrespect. I handled my sh*t last night by being respectful to all parties even though I didn't feel like that was returned. I know how to handle myself in public. So take your opinion and screw off. Please and thanks.

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