Mother-In-Law keeps not taking her meds

For the third time this year my MIL has landed her butt in the hospital because she decides taking her meds is not something she needs to do based on side effects and the fact that doctors are stupid ( based on the fact that well she knows everything since she went to school till she was 15) ( sarcasm🙄)

She admitted as much yesterday to me. She didn’t take her meds three times this year and ended up in the hospital. She’s so stubborn and stupid to the point she’s probably going to kill herself.

This is more of a rant than anything. She is causing my husband so much grief and worry.

Hey my elderly mother is difficult as well. She request that I take over handling her accounts, and finances. Big mistake. She is a bully, won't take my advice and still treats me like a child. I totally had to abandon any responsibility just so I could sleep at night. She's got her BF's daughter handling her affairs, and I don't care what happens tbh. I'm fortunate that she's in a seniors residence with medical care provided. Maybe this is something your husband may consider.

Hey my elderly mother is difficult as well. She request that I take over handling her accounts, and finances. Big mistake. She is a bully, won't take my advice and still treats me like a child. I totally had to abandon any responsibility just so I could sleep at night. She's got her BF's daughter handling her affairs, and I don't care what happens tbh. I'm fortunate that she's in a seniors residence with medical care provided. Maybe this is something your husband may consider.

Unfortunately, she won’t go. My SIL even set up home care and my mother-in-law called and cancelled it and since she’s in her right mind we can’t make her do anything . And my father-in-law is in the hospital now permanently because of his Parkinson’s and dementia . Like you know it’s real fun time.

Well I can see how she would have fears of dying, getting ill etc. She won't accept it, that's why she keeps not taking her medication, or get help. She's in denial I guess. Refusing will make it go away.

Well I can see how she would have fears of dying, getting ill etc. She won't accept it, that's why she keeps not taking her medication, or get help. She's in denial I guess. Refusing will make it go away.

She must be in denial somewhat. But their story was they had kids for when they got old. So she only wants her son and her and her daughter helping her. Her daughter lives in the same complex and spends 4 nights a week with her over night but we live far away. And now that her husband has been in the hospital since August......

Not sure if your MIL has always been difficult, or perhaps it is just due to old age. I tend to find that older people become more set in their ways and more stubborn about their long held beliefs, and lose their inhibition to express them. It is sometimes frustrating, but there is nothing we can do about it except accept that it is at least partly due to mental deterioration.

My maternal grandma was the sweetest old lady who passed away in her 80s over 20 years ago. At the time my uncle was sort of a big shot in the Chinese military, with a personal driver and the like, so he was able to arrange the best care for his mother in her final years, including arranging for doctors to come to her for non-serious issues so she did not have to endure trips to the hospital, with the queues, hospital bugs, crowded wards etc... But as her mental faculties worsened, she began to complain that her son would not take her to a hospital to see "proper doctors who wear white coats", because in her mind, real doctors must wear white coats. lol It was quite amusing, and my uncle proceeded to buy some white medical coats and ask doctors to put them on as they came in the door.

She must be in denial somewhat. But their story was they had kids for when they got old. So she only wants her son and her and her daughter helping her. Her daughter lives in the same complex and spends 4 nights a week with her over night but we live far away. And now that her husband has been in the hospital since August......

Have you discussed with you sister in law?

It seems she is the one in direct care of your MIL.

If you feel your SIL is not doing a good job of spiking your MIL’s meals and drinks with her much needed meds then why don’t you arrange your MIL to come live with you?

Will that reduce your grief and worry?

Have you discussed with you sister in law?

It seems she is the one in direct care of your MIL.

 

If you feel your SIL is not doing a good job of spiking your MIL’s meals and drinks with her much needed meds then why don’t you arrange your MIL to come live with you?

Will that reduce your grief and worry?

My MIL can’t live with us. My husband is military and she can’t navigate our house . Our only bathroom is upstairs and she can’t climb stairs anymore. Plus I have a home daycare in my house 12 hours a day. She could never see her husband in the hospital. And I can’t stand the woman. She has given me 30 years of abuse.

My SIL orders all kinds of help and my MIL just cancels everything. Since she has all her faculties there’s zero you can do.

My MIL can’t live with us. My husband is military and she can’t navigate our house . Our only bathroom is upstairs and she can’t climb stairs anymore. Plus I have a home daycare in my house 12 hours a day. She could never see her husband in the hospital. And I can’t stand the woman. She has given me 30 years of abuse.

 

 

My SIL orders all kinds of help and my MIL just cancels everything. Since she has all her faculties there’s zero you can do.

Your husband is military , that allows him to have a wife to run a child daycare from government housing but does not allow you to have a house that caters for an elderly person?

Something is amiss right there!!

You should request housing that allows both!

Hopefully , since this is causing you both so much grief and worry that you can get your MIL to move in with you soon.

Fingers crossed!!!

Your husband is military , that allows him to have a wife to run a child daycare from government housing but does not allow you to have a house that caters for an elderly person?

 

Something is amiss right there!!

You should request housing that allows both!

Hopefully , since this is causing you both so much grief and worry that you can get your MIL to move in with you soon.

Fingers crossed!!!

Did you miss the part where I hate her arse? And she hates me? If she lived with me I would be getting a divorce. Period.

Plus the military does not consider my MIL a dependent. My son with a disability is not even considered a dependent just I am.

The military only augments houses for legal dependents with verifiable medical conditions. Parents are not dependents. Especially not parents with their own insurance and support systems just too lazy to use them. My housing was not augmented in least for my home daycare .

The only choice you have is for her to suffer the consequences of her own choices, I hate to say. She will either get to the point where she is desperate enough to accept help from someone other than family or she will do enough damage to herself that she will have no choice but to stay in the hospital, and afterwards the doctor not allowing her to go home. What motivated my guy's grandma was the fact that she wanted to be healthy enough to be there for Grandpa, so as stubborn as she was, she knew that her husband could not physically take care of her due to his condition and that's what motivated her. Sad she doesn't have the same motivation.

The only choice you have is for her to suffer the consequences of her own choices, I hate to say. She will either get to the point where she is desperate enough to accept help from someone other than family or she will do enough damage to herself that she will have no choice but to stay in the hospital, and afterwards the doctor not allowing her to go home. What motivated my guy's grandma was the fact that she wanted to be healthy enough to be there for Grandpa, so as stubborn as she was, she knew that her husband could not physically take care of her due to his condition and that's what motivated her. Sad she doesn't have the same motivation.

Exactly.

.... one day she will kill herself with this.

The military only augments houses for legal dependents with verifiable medical conditions. Parents are not dependents. Especially not parents with their own insurance and support systems just too lazy to use them. My housing was not augmented in least for my home daycare .

Oh ok , I understand.

So that means the military are unaware that you are running a profitable business from this property?

Or if they are aware then they have turned a blind eye to it?

If so , then surely they would turn a blind eye to either your son or mil staying there??

If you are not happy with the military not acknowledging your son as a dependant you should question that?

Yes I got the point that you hate your mil, but I am assuming your husband doesn’t? Hence the anguish and grief you mention. Right?

Parents do eventually become dependants , you will too one day.

Who they become dependant on , well it’s either family, private health insurance or government , or a combination of all.

But if the current situation is causing you so much grief, what do you intend to do about it , aside from vent?

What’s your husbands perspective?

Oh ok , I understand.

 

So that means the military are unaware that you are running a profitable business from this property?

Or if they are aware then they have turned a blind eye to it?

If so , then surely they would turn a blind eye to either your son or mil staying there??

 

If you are not happy with the military not acknowledging your son as a dependant you should question that?

 

Yes I got the point that you hate your mil, but I am assuming your husband doesn’t? Hence the anguish and grief you mention. Right?

Parents do eventually become dependants , you will too one day.

Who they become dependant on , well it’s either family, private health insurance or government , or a combination of all.

 

But if the current situation is causing you so much grief, what do you intend to do about it , aside from vent?

What’s your husbands perspective?

No, the military is aware and I have a signed letter from the base commander to run my business. I can question the military all I want unless my son has a disability tax credit number they won’t consider him a dependent. I am hiring a disability advocate to do that as my provincial government considers him 90% disabled but the federal government at the time we applied did not. Now for political reasons we can try again. Right now as it stands if the post us they won’t move our son with us we have to pay to move him ourselves. He is allowed to live here as he was a dependent for 21 years now they just won’t pay his benefits or move him if we move.

If we move which is likely in the next 2 years they won’t move or pay a cent for her either. Move her cross country at 88? Not wise.

The thing is my MIL and SIL live in the SAME condo complex and her daughter spends 4 nights a week overnight with her. She doesn’t need to live with us. She has more money than we do and more benefits as well. She has ZERO need to suffer but insists on it. My FIL is in a hospital THERE suffering with Parkinson’s and dementia he will never leave there so she needs to be close to him .

I have my own dying parents who are in more dire dire need and put no pressure on us .

My husband does not want to live with his mom. He loves her but living with her is out. My husband tried to commit suicide in his 30’s because of how he was treated by his parents all his life. Their emotional abuse bordered on cultish weirdess.

Not to mention there are no doctors here for her. We have a dr shortage. No one has time to do a 2 day round trip because of her age to take her to appointments there.

So, nope the ole woman is not living here . That is totally out. Both her and her husband almost destroyed my husband and tried to emotionally abuse my son. Nope nope nope nope. I was abused much of my life by my dad’s crazy family and his parents . I would live under a bridge in a box before living with her.

I can’t rely on my son when old because he is disabled. We will be on our own.