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Thread: Not sure where to begin..

  1. #1

    Not sure where to begin..

    Have been dating the same guy for 3 years. He has kids (they live with us). I donít have kids of my own. Tonight we got into a dispute, literally just the same b/s that I pretty much donít do what he asks AT THE TIME THAT HE ASKS ME TO DO IT. I work full time, usually get home around 8pm after going in around 9am. So as you can imagine Iím pretty dang tired by the time I get home, but I still do the responsibilities I need to do as an adult. He works 2 jobs due to the winter time his main job slows down so he works a few nights elsewhere. I donít know if anyone elseís s/o does this, but in defense of when I donít do something he asks of me to do right away I say ďI am tiredĒ and then he proceeds to say how his job is much more exhausting etc. honestly, that pisses me off. Just because we do 2 completely different fields of work does not mean I canít be tired. Also if you are wondering itís not anything that is important that he asks me to do. Itís stupid things such as clip his toenails etc. I honestly feel like Iím a maid or a friggin slave. A few weeks ago we got into a dispute that led to him saying I donít do anything around the house (but his morning job has slowed down since October and heís been home). Tonight he said the reason him and his ex wife lasted so long was because ďhe never had to ask her twice to do something ď then proceeded to say ďIím the average femaleĒ and that if he has to do something after asking me to do it then he doesnít need me here. Iím honestly sick of the pettiness. Since the last time he said I donít do anything around the house Iíve made it a point to come home after work and be the maid. Lol but it seems nothing is ever good enough. I know my worth. I always try to make improvements to save our relationship but Iím at my wits end.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Sounds like both of you are not compatible while living under one roof. He continues to compare you to his ex-wife.

    Tell him to clip his own toenails or have him go to a nail salon and get a pedicure!

    Divide the housework evenly or hire a professional maid (housecleaning services).

    If both of you cannot reach resolutions then rethink your relationship with him. He's definitely NOT 'Prince Charming' for you, Forgotten1.

    Either break up or seek professional marriage counseling and see if that helps.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member LootieTootie's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Forgotton1
    Tonight he said the reason him and his ex wife lasted so long was because ďhe never had to ask her twice to do something ď
    You should ask him how that worked out for him.

  4. #4
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    If you know your "worth" why do you stay and put up with this? Why did you choose to become "the maid"?

    Please don't say it's because you "love him".

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Hah see how he does when you pack up yer stuff and leave.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Hopefully you are trolling and 'clipping his toenails as your responsibility' is a joke. How long have you lived together? Where is the kids' mother? What are you 'supposed to" do?

    Stop acting like a maid, nanny, servant.You need to move out and live your own life. Why are you with this jerk?
    Originally Posted by Forgotton1
    Have been dating the same guy for 3 years.
    He has kids (they live with us).
    I work full time
    I still do the responsibilities I need to do as an adult. Itís stupid things such as clip his toenails etc.
    he said the reason him and his ex wife lasted so long was because ďhe never had to ask her twice to do something ď then proceeded to say ďIím the average femaleĒ

  8. #7
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I pretty much donít do what he asks AT THE TIME THAT HE ASKS ME TO DO IT.
    I'd remind him that he's speaking with-and-not-'to' another grown adult, and while his ex may have agreed to a parent/child relationship, it doesn't appear to have worked out very well.

    If he'd like, we can negotiate some household tasks to split up, but if I don't do mine according to his schedule or liking, he's welcome to step in to do them himself--which he would need to do if he lived on his own, anyway.

    Otherwise, he can offer to trade me something of equal value to me in exchange for any interruptions. Want a toenail clip? Fine, rub my back before I bend over to do it--but if 'now' isn't a good time for me, then he'll need to do the job himself or go get a pedicure.

    If he ever finds himself believing for a minute that he'd be better off living on his own, he should begin packing and go, because I'm not interested in a transactional relationship. He can go find himself a handmaiden if that's what he wants.

    And I'd mean it.

  9. #8
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    Is there a reason this grown man cannot clip his own toenails?

    Comparing you to his ex-wife is a low blow, as is referring to you as "average." My suspicion is that he often takes digs like this at you - does he?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Sounds to me he is doing his best to get rid of you.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    if he has to do something after asking me to do it then he doesnít need me here.

    So this is the partner you've chosen for your one precious life? Your home and partner is supposed to be the place you yearn to go home to after a hard day at work. In your case, you get verbally abused at what is supposed to be your refuge.

    Hasn't all this bitterness killed your love?

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