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Not sure where to begin..


Forgotton1

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Have been dating the same guy for 3 years. He has kids (they live with us). I don’t have kids of my own. Tonight we got into a dispute, literally just the same b/s that I pretty much don’t do what he asks AT THE TIME THAT HE ASKS ME TO DO IT. I work full time, usually get home around 8pm after going in around 9am. So as you can imagine I’m pretty dang tired by the time I get home, but I still do the responsibilities I need to do as an adult. He works 2 jobs due to the winter time his main job slows down so he works a few nights elsewhere. I don’t know if anyone else’s s/o does this, but in defense of when I don’t do something he asks of me to do right away I say “I am tired” and then he proceeds to say how his job is much more exhausting etc. honestly, that pisses me off. Just because we do 2 completely different fields of work does not mean I can’t be tired. Also if you are wondering it’s not anything that is important that he asks me to do. It’s stupid things such as clip his toenails etc. I honestly feel like I’m a maid or a friggin slave. A few weeks ago we got into a dispute that led to him saying I don’t do anything around the house (but his morning job has slowed down since October and he’s been home). Tonight he said the reason him and his ex wife lasted so long was because “he never had to ask her twice to do something “ then proceeded to say “I’m the average female” and that if he has to do something after asking me to do it then he doesn’t need me here. I’m honestly sick of the pettiness. Since the last time he said I don’t do anything around the house I’ve made it a point to come home after work and be the maid. Lol but it seems nothing is ever good enough. I know my worth. I always try to make improvements to save our relationship but I’m at my wits end.

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Sounds like both of you are not compatible while living under one roof. He continues to compare you to his ex-wife.

 

Tell him to clip his own toenails or have him go to a nail salon and get a pedicure!

 

Divide the housework evenly or hire a professional maid (housecleaning services).

 

If both of you cannot reach resolutions then rethink your relationship with him. He's definitely NOT 'Prince Charming' for you, Forgotten1.

 

Either break up or seek professional marriage counseling and see if that helps.

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Hopefully you are trolling and 'clipping his toenails as your responsibility' is a joke. How long have you lived together? Where is the kids' mother? What are you 'supposed to" do?

 

Stop acting like a maid, nanny, servant.You need to move out and live your own life. Why are you with this jerk?

Have been dating the same guy for 3 years.

He has kids (they live with us).

I work full time

I still do the responsibilities I need to do as an adult. It’s stupid things such as clip his toenails etc.

he said the reason him and his ex wife lasted so long was because “he never had to ask her twice to do something “ then proceeded to say “I’m the average female”

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I pretty much don’t do what he asks AT THE TIME THAT HE ASKS ME TO DO IT.

 

I'd remind him that he's speaking with-and-not-'to' another grown adult, and while his ex may have agreed to a parent/child relationship, it doesn't appear to have worked out very well.

 

If he'd like, we can negotiate some household tasks to split up, but if I don't do mine according to his schedule or liking, he's welcome to step in to do them himself--which he would need to do if he lived on his own, anyway.

 

Otherwise, he can offer to trade me something of equal value to me in exchange for any interruptions. Want a toenail clip? Fine, rub my back before I bend over to do it--but if 'now' isn't a good time for me, then he'll need to do the job himself or go get a pedicure.

 

If he ever finds himself believing for a minute that he'd be better off living on his own, he should begin packing and go, because I'm not interested in a transactional relationship. He can go find himself a handmaiden if that's what he wants.

 

And I'd mean it.

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if he has to do something after asking me to do it then he doesn’t need me here.

 

So this is the partner you've chosen for your one precious life? Your home and partner is supposed to be the place you yearn to go home to after a hard day at work. In your case, you get verbally abused at what is supposed to be your refuge.

 

Hasn't all this bitterness killed your love?

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Wow! I don't even know where to begin, but how about- gross! Clipping his toenails? His ex "lasted long" with him because she was more obedient?

 

You will never be happy with this misogynistic loser. Know that you deserve better, to be treated like the beautiful human that you are.

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Don't bother letting that anger sit inside you. Put the energy towards something else. Do not respond to his requests if you think they're petty. Do something else. He will get the point eventually when they're not done. If he wants to file for divorce let him. He sounds a bit dramatic and that is all. Calling him names won't solve anything, unfortunately. You can ignore him and show him that that type of behaviour gets no response and zero outcome or you can separate from him if you feel it's time to restart your life and if you positively do not envision yourself with this man in the future.

 

All that anger directed towards him though? It's wasted energy. Start living smart, girl. Go out and do all the things you want to do.

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