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Thread: Am I unreasonable....?

  1. #11
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    Thank you very much for your inputs, guys... I really appreciate you took time to read my long message and try to help me with your advise...

  2. #12
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Anzhela
    I cannot say I married to a stranger... All these 3 years of so called dating we were in skype like 7-9 hours a day... every day....
    Sadly, Skyping with someone is not getting to know them in real life where you can see how he actually is in general. You have found that out now and you see first hand in real life time how he is, how he puts his family first etc. Had you spend time with him in real life, you would have probably never married him.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Anzhela
    Thank you very much for your inputs, guys... I really appreciate you took time to read my long message and try to help me with your advise...
    You can always post around and check in again. Take care of yourself! There is only one of you.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Anzhela
    I cannot say I married to a stranger... All these 3 years of so called dating we were in skype like 7-9 hours a day... every day....
    You married a stranger! You need to spend time with people (in person). As you can see, you are in another disastrous relationship.

    Have you considered counseling?

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Anzhela
    No, it was our decision to get married and I met him online.... We were "Dating" for 3 years before we got married and he came twice to my country before we married...
    Yikes!!!!!!!

  7. #16
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    Didn't read everything sorry because it's quite long, but I read most of it. I'm sorry if I don't sound supportive or empathetic, but really I think a lot of this is your own fault. You can't actually expect your husband to turn away from his own children, who are his flesh and blood and who he loves. I understand they are not your children and you don't love them and you can see all their flaws. But he is their Dad and he has a duty to them as a father, and he had a financial duty too while they were under age.

    It actually is normal for a parent to buy their children things while their children are younger. It does seem like your husband really spoiled his children and he shouldn't be buying them things now because they're adults. But on the other hand it's fine for a parent to give their adult children a gift for Christmas or their Birthday, for special occasions. So he can still be spending money on them in that way throughout their adulthood.

    It's clear your husband desperately wanted his children to love him because it was the ex-wife that got to keep them at home. He said himself he really wants a closer relationship with them. He is their Dad so I think it's normal to want to be close.

    The thing is that from the very start you didn't like this situation and you didn't like the children. Some things they did seem normal to me that teenagers do, like play video games and be a bit messy in their bedroom. But it seems you couldn't stand it and everything they did annoyed you. I think that's probably because you don't feel love towards them because they're not your children. Which is understandable that you wouldn't love them like your own because they're not.

    You could see exactly how the situation was and you knew your husband would have the children forever. So if you hated the situation then you had to leave and find another husband. You can't change people and you especially couldn't change the children because they had their own fully developed personalities and were their own people. Unfortunately if you're miserable in a situation and you can't change it, then you have to leave. I don't think things will ever be different because your husband wants his children in his life.

    I don't understand if you were angry about all of it why you continued in the marriage. I'm sorry but I don't see what you can do apart from accepting and tolerating things as they are, or leaving. The children don't stay with you all the time now and have their own lives. But your husband will continue to buy them presents and invite them to visit. If you're not OK with it then you should leave.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, it sounds as though he brought you over as a foreign bride to be his housekeeper, nanny, maid etc. You need to work outside the home and make your own money. Stop taking a care of his family or taking care of him as if he were a child. You state you have no one, however you have family and friends where you came from.

    You seem to want to stay in the US, so you need to find schooling, real jobs, etc. That means getting out of the house and start enrolling in classes, courses, online, locally at college, etc. and working any jobs you can. In the US his money is your money so redirect things to ensure you have food, clothing, a vehicle or money for transportation and can get to work.

    If he is abusive go to social services or the embassy of your country. You need to decide what you want. being a housewife , staying in the country you are or where you are from etc. complaining about him and his family but never changing anything is simply making you old and angry. That is no life in the US or anywhere else, no?
    Originally Posted by Anzhela
    01-18-2017
    I came to US on fiancé visa a little more than 2 years ago.
    I cannot any more... I have nobody here. I do not drive. I have no constant pay-checks I am paid every week... i cannot tell him to choose our merrage or his brother because I am not able to move out if it comes to the point I have to. I sell on eBay to make some money but this is nothing. I will not be able to live on this income if I am alone. So I have nothing... please advise what I can do.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Oh OP you are in quite a bind right now :(

    Please reach out to your family and let them know what's going on... you think it will hurt them to know what you are going through, I know it will hurt them even more if they know you are suffering and not asking for their advice.

    I suggest getting away from these people and going home to your family, at least for awhile. Since you are now a citizen of the US you can always return if you choose.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. Even a brief trip back home could change your perspective and help you make some choices.
    Originally Posted by maew
    I suggest getting away from these people and going home to your family, at least for awhile. Since you are now a citizen of the US you can always return if you choose.

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