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Thread: In desperate need of help to fall out of love

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    If it's only one week left, then wait it out but then you do need to go no contact. This is because your brain is addicted to seeing her. You are actually very lucky that she is leaving. That way you won't risk bumping into her. You need to treat this as an addiction. That means no contact, no social media stalking, no talking to mutual friends about her, nada.

    Imo, the "focusing on her studies" explanation indicates that she was just not that into you. It was a way of letting you down easy. Had your feelings been mutual her studies would not heve been an issue. She was trying to be kind but unfortunately that also probably left you with a sliver of hope that is keeping you stuck. You need to let go of that hope.

    The girl you are in love with does not really exist. You have built her up in your mind giving her epic proportions. Whatever comparisons you are making to other girls are unfair and you need to take her off the pedestal. Good luck.

  2. #12
    Ok, I'll try. Do you think it's ok for me to at least leave a message for her explaining why I'm purging her from my life? I take it I should also delete all photos or mementos I may have of her?
    Last edited by JustAnotherL; 11-16-2019 at 08:07 PM.

  3. #13
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    How old are you? I used to get a lot of crushes back in university, I still do really and I'm 34! The good thing is they do pass eventually! Even being in love with someone passes after a relationship break up.

    I think to get over someone though you need to make some effort. Are you good friends with her? Do you actually hang out much or do you just talk to her at college? I think you should definitely limit contact. It's difficult to move on when you interact with that person all the time. Also maybe you should try dating other girls too.

    It sounds like you're idolizing this girl and seems like your crush on her is largely based in fantasy. It's actually easy to think someone is perfect and amazing when you've never dated them because you don't see their flaws. Everyone has flaws and this girl does too. So she's not "perfect". You just think she is because she's unattainable to you.

    I remember I was in love with this guy who didn't feel the same. He said to me "I used to be obsessed with this girl and think she was "the one", but she rejected me. Then I realised she can't be the one. Because the one would love me back." I'd always remembered that and remind myself of that when I get rejected. How can this be the right girl for you if she's not even into you?

  4. #14
    Member eldasensei's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    If it's only one week left, then wait it out but then you do need to go no contact. This is because your brain is addicted to seeing her. You are actually very lucky that she is leaving. That way you won't risk bumping into her. You need to treat this as an addiction. That means no contact, no social media stalking, no talking to mutual friends about her, nada.

    Imo, the "focusing on her studies" explanation indicates that she was just not that into you. It was a way of letting you down easy. Had your feelings been mutual her studies would not heve been an issue. She was trying to be kind but unfortunately that also probably left you with a sliver of hope that is keeping you stuck. You need to let go of that hope.

    The girl you are in love with does not really exist. You have built her up in your mind giving her epic proportions. Whatever comparisons you are making to other girls are unfair and you need to take her off the pedestal. Good luck.
    Basically this. OP, if she was into you, she would've made time for you. I guarentee you, she's deffinitly dating and making time for other men. I know it's a hard pill to swallow. But there actually is no such thing as being too busy for someone you are interested in. And it doesn't have to take more then 10 minutes for a women to find out she's interested in you. Either she is, or isn't. You've allready expressed your interest. Seeing your post, I can now savely assume that she has your number or something to reach out to you with. If she want's to date you, trust me, she will reach out to you. Now that leaves me to this: you don't need to leave a message explaining to her why you don't want to contact her. You messaging her isn't going to change anything. You are only prolonging the inevitable.
    Just let this be and move on. I think you have enough advice in how to move on from this.

    Trust me man. I know how you feel. I don't want to admid it, but i've been where you are now. And it took me some changes and heartbreaks to learn some valuable lessons in life and dating.
    I think this is a great time to reflect on what has been working out for you in this part of your life and what hasn't. And change up some habits for the better.
    I know you can do this.

    What allways helped me out was getting out of my comfortzone. It doesn't necessary have to be in dating.
    Last edited by eldasensei; 11-16-2019 at 11:23 PM.

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  6. #15
    Thanks for the help everyone. As hard as it is I'm going to try going no contact next after this week, in the meantime I suppose I'll start deleting some photos. I guess I'll let you know how it goes

  7. #16
    Member eldasensei's Avatar
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    sure man, keep us updated. You'll get through this even if it may not feel like it at the moment.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    You move on by becoming so crazy busy with healthy distractions that you don't have any extra brain space to think of her and you're too exhausted to care. This is what I do. Become so busy with life that you're flying by the seat of your pants.

    Give yourself self-respect. Whenever people don't give you the time of day nor treat you as if you don't matter, soldier on. Have the courage to take great care of yourself and surround yourself with people who are sincerely kind such as cherished friends and family.

    My story is not the same as yours. I want a certain person back into my life. She was a dear cousin from childhood. Her reads like a Greek tragedy. Her life has since changed drastically due to poor personal choices such as marrying the wrong husband who's afflicted with serious autoimmune disorders, he had bad scrapes with the law and their marriage spiraled rapidly downhill into an abyss. She's the sole breadwinner and they have two children. I wish I could be close to her but she can't have a close friendship with me because she's overwhelmed with her life which is a hot mess. I had to let her go.

    You have to accept the situation for what it is, be mature, grow up and be matter-of-fact. You don't have to like it but you have to accept how life is today. It's beyond your control.

    Reprogram your brain, switch gears, change the way you think and concentrate on realistic joy. After that, you will find peace from within.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    No. This is not a breakup so you don't need to do anything. Simply move forward and start talking to and dating other girls. No drama.
    Originally Posted by JustAnotherL
    Do you think it's ok for me to at least leave a message for her explaining why I'm purging her from my life? I take it I should also delete all photos or mementos I may have of her?

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