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Thread: Is he just being friendly or does he like me?

  1. #1

    Is he just being friendly or does he like me?

    So I am a girl in a scout troop with all guys. I'm joining a scouts BSA girl troop in my area, but until other girls actually start joining I'm attending meetings and campouts with the troop that my brothers are in. I'm usually really quiet—I don't talk a lot during meetings and most of the boys don't really talk to me. Except about a month ago, right after the opening flag ceremony, this guy standing next to me just turns to me and says "how are you?". I answer, awkwardly of course, and then he walks away to start the activity. He kept doing this at every meeting, just a greeting and then he would walk away. I would think nothing of it except that none of the other boys pay that much attention to me.

    There was a troop campout last weekend that we both went on. We were in separate buildings, and my bunk was separated from the boys, but it was right next to the door to the room they were in, so anyone going there had to pass me. I was reading a book on my bed, and the guy came in two separate times and stopped at my bed on his way into the back room. One time he asked me what book I was reading and one time he offered me a pistachio from his snack bag.

    That same camping trip at lunch, I was sitting at a table with a few other guys and the same guy came in and sat down next to me. He definitely could have sat somewhere else, but he sat next to me. He asked me what I was doing in school, and when I told him I was homeschooled, he said that he thought I would like public school. Just then there was a burst of noise and I got distracted, but a few seconds later he said it again. I was so taken aback that I literally said "I'm gonna stop you right there", told him why I wouldn't like public school, and then the conversation died out. I'm kicking myself now because I realize he was trying to start a conversation and I unintentionally shut it down.

    Then the meeting after the camping trip, I was sitting in the corner reading over the scout handbook to see what requirements I had to work on. Everyone else was out playing a game except me and him. He came over and sat down next to me and asked what requirements I needed help with, and we were sitting there for a good ten minutes working on requirements before everyone else came back in.

    So this guy is really friendly to everyone, but I've never seen him with other girls because I only know him through scouts. He's also a youth leader, and talks to everyone in the troop. So I don't know why he's coming up to me so much. Is he just being friendly, or does he like me?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I think he doesn't want you to feel left out being the only girl. I don't think he likes you in the romantic sense. He's got a role as a youth leader. I would think his role includes taking initiative and making everyone feel included and valued as a scout in the troop. What good is it to have a disbanded troop? It means people don't work very well together as a team and it's his job to make sure everyone feels like they're part a team.

    I don't think you did anything wrong speaking your mind about homeschool vs. public school. You're entitled to your own opinion. You might be fed up if you keep hearing derogatory or ignorant opinions on your homeschooling also. Keep growing and developing all those opinions of yours! You should have a mind of your own and think for yourself. Maybe one of these days you both can pick up where you left off on that discussion and ask him again what he thinks of public school or what he was about to say. Give him a chance to talk too.

    It doesn't mean that you can't play your part and be part of the troop even if he's just doing his job. Ask him questions about your requirements and about what the others are doing. He might introduce you to the other guys and you can partake in more activities and make new friends. It sounds like you keep to yourself a lot. Nothing wrong with that. Wouldn't it be fun though to hang out now and then or joke around with the rest of them?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    ^^^^^^^^ I agree with what Rose said!

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    Assume that all the boys are there to enjoy scouting. They did not sign up with the intent to meet girls to date.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to be 13 to post here.
    Originally Posted by quillandink
    So I am a girl in a scout troop with all guys.

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    Rose's comment sums it up.

    He's likely being friendly; most of your examples include you being fairly introverted and while that's fine - you should also make some efforts to meet people and he appears to be a good person who is offering to help you with this by being your companion.

    I'd say give it a shot.

    Also, understand that home-schooling will be something others may not have much knowledge on. Assuming they are being respectful, be open to hearing them out on what they like about their public school but also explain what you like about home-schooling.

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    He asked me what I was doing in school, and when I told him I was homeschooled, he said that he thought I would like public school. Just then there was a burst of noise and I got distracted, but a few seconds later he said it again. I was so taken aback that I literally said "I'm gonna stop you right there", told him why I wouldn't like public school, and then the conversation died out. I'm kicking myself now because I realize he was trying to start a conversation and I unintentionally shut it down.

    I think you are being a little harsh, here.
    So he said you might like his school. Why is that such a big deal?
    He is trying to make friends, not have a debate about your family's lifestyle.

    If someone said "well, you might like my country" "you might like my club" and you think you would hate both, what is the best response.
    1) STOP RIGHT THERE!
    2) Oh. What do you like about your club/country/school?

    If you don't make an effort to listen and understand where people are coming from, you will have a lot harder time with things. It doesn't mean you have to waiver from your opinion. What if he was going to say 'we have this really cool X class" or "i like it because..." And maybe that gives you the opening to say "oh i learn that too..." or "i am homeschooled, but we have group classes with other homeschoolers in this subject.."

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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You need to be 13 to post here.
    There are BSA troops all the way up through high school

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    This is the purpose of joining a group or a club...to be apart of something with others. He's making sure you feel included and not excluded. And that's what youth leaders do.

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    Well, he may or may not like you. He does seem to be going out of his way to be friendly to you, but for what reason it's a bit hard to know. He might be friendly with the guys too. I guess you don't have any comparison of how he is with other girls, so you don't know if he's treating you differently, or if he's just very friendly to all boys and girls equally. I think you can definitely try to be friendly back to him and have more conversations. There is no harm in doing that. Try to get to know him more and make more effort to chat. Then if eventually he asks you to do anything outside of scouts, he might like you more than a friend. But not enough information at the moment, I think.

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