Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 27

Thread: Did he sexually abuse me?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    london
    Posts
    12,123
    You agreed to meet him , you agreed to drink , you agreed to go to the hotel , you agreed to slow dance , you got on the bed ....can you see a pattern here of your own behaviour ...knowing he wants more .
    That doesn't excuse his bad behaviour my darling , but you need to stay away and look after you first and foremost .

  2. #12
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Posts
    10,714
    Gender
    Female
    What do you? I'd say stay away from someone who doesn't respect your boundaries, yet at the same time you don't seem to have any boundaries.

    This isn't about whether or not you can trust this guy. Clearly he's proven he isn't interested in your welfare.

    Your welfare is your job. Learn it.

    This lesson in this is about becoming a women who trusts herself enough to make stable, mature decisions in her own self care and has the maturity to act on them.

    Until you do will find yourself in precarious and even risky situations like this.

    Was he wrong for doing these things? Yes. But why did you keep going back for more, especially when you didn't like it from the start?

    Sexual abuse?. . this is the first time here I will say this falls in between that grey fuzzy area.
    Own your part and don't do it again.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    1,781
    What to do?

    Make him your ex friend as in yesterday! NC (no contact) permanently.

  4. #14

    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    4
    Excuse me, I trust Iíve been extremely clear and concise and wrote the whole truth as it was.

  5.  

  6. #15

    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    4
    I came here asking for advice, and not to be berated. I didnít ask and frankly donít need to know about your brotherís accomplishments. I did not come to ask for the obvious, e.g my alcoholic issues and mental health disorders. Iíve a psychiatrist for that thanks very much

  7. #16

    Join Date
    Nov 2019
    Posts
    4
    Also, I was very angry about that kiss. It happened over 10 months ago. And since then he had apologized over and over, spoken to my bestfriend to convince me to give him a chance. Then he says he had a suicidal attempt, and later even drops a suicidal bomb on me.
    In no way do I think I behaved promiscuously. I hung out with him a couple of times because I had forgiven him and given him a chance.

    I appreciate some of the feedback. The one that was important for me was my problem with boundaries.
    And I didnít have ego boosts. Itís true older men and even younger have fancied me, but I donít really care as I mentioned above, Iím not interested in sex or relationships at all

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,224
    But the thing is Carlee, he and you have different agendas and that's something you need to possibly understand a but more clearer.

    On the one hand, you want a friend and to possibly help him with his issues. On the other, he wants a romance and likes you in ways you do not.
    You could be watching a movie together and smile at him as a friend, and he's going to see it as you giving him hope or a signal that you're starting to come around and like him too.

    I doubt that will ever change.

    So to distance yourself from him, really is the only way to stop him from continuing to think you might like him and to also keep yourself safe from anymore encounters you do not want.

    This is one situation where you can't "fix" him or befriend him.... without him, unfortunately, thinking it means something more than you meant it to.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    24,542
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Carlee98
    Also, I was very angry about that kiss. It happened over 10 months ago. And since then he had apologized over and over, spoken to my bestfriend to convince me to give him a chance. Then he says he had a suicidal attempt, and later even drops a suicidal bomb on me.
    In no way do I think I behaved promiscuously. I hung out with him a couple of times because I had forgiven him and given him a chance.

    I appreciate some of the feedback. The one that was important for me was my problem with boundaries.
    And I didnít have ego boosts. Itís true older men and even younger have fancied me, but I donít really care as I mentioned above, Iím not interested in sex or relationships at all
    If you don't like someone as a person, don't feel romantically for them or feel uncomfortable with them, what "chance" do they deserve? You should only want to be with someone you are excited to kiss, not appalled that they tried to kiss you. The only men who "deserve a chance" with you are men that you geuinely feel safe with, and enjoy their company and always look forward to seeing them. And someone you would be proud to be seen with.

    I think that if you stopped drinking, you would have nothing in common with him.

    I suggest, like others have said, you get help for your alcoholism. And if someone tells you they will commit suicide - you call the police so they get help. He threatened it to get you to come running to him.

    If you are going to be a psychologist or counselor or anything in that field, you MUST learn boundaries or you will lose yourself trying to "rescue" everyone

  10. #19
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,224
    If you are going to be a psychologist or counselor or anything in that field, you MUST learn boundaries or you will lose yourself trying to "rescue" everyone
    Absolutely.

    You can try to help but you can't save everyone. It is not possible. If this man is making it known that he is considering suicide, the best you can do is TELL SOMEONE. Typically the police or a crisis center.

    That decision very well could save his life as he will then get the help he needs, professional help.

    But even then, you will have people pass through your life, friends, acquaintances, maybe even clients (if you decide to counsel). And you can do your best to help, but it does not guarantee that you will save them.

    You need to be okay with that.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    37,016
    Gender
    Male
    Sounds like poor communication. You thought two drinking friends were going to a hotel room to cuddle and he thought two friends drinking are going to a hotel room for a hookup. You left at the right time. Does your psychiatrist think it was a sexual assault?
    Originally Posted by Carlee98
    I did not come to ask for the obvious, e.g my alcoholic issues and mental health disorders. Iíve a psychiatrist for that thanks very much

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •