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Thread: Dating --> Friends --> Dating. Is it possible?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Speaking only for myself, I would never try to befriend someone who ditched me. Manipulation doesn't work, and especially from someone willing to demote themselves in order to gain a position to manipulate.

    Skip that, and move your focus forward. Most people are NOT our match--that's just natural odds. It speaks of another's limits and their lack of vision to see and appreciate your unique value, it's not a reflection on you.

    Don't cater to that, because you can't force another lens on someone else. Instead, adopt your own lens to see and appreciate your OWN value, and you won't waste your time on anyone who doesn't own the capacity to join you there.

    Head high, and respect yourself. You will thank yourself later.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by poetsinger
    I accept people with other values as friends, but not as romantic interests. I'm sorry, but I feel like for the person that I might want to build a relationship and life with, they have to meet very specific values. I get ultra-excited and too invested when I find someone who does have those values. But that doesn't mean I won't accept someone else as a friend.
    Also, I don't feel like I "pleaded". I just asked him. I left the door open for HIM. He could have easily said "I don't think that's a good idea".

    I do respect his decision that at this time, he doesn't want to be with me. He may change his mind after things cool off (and become less intense for him), or maybe he won't. I get that.
    I guess I'm struggling to accept that there will be no more happy memories with him in any way, shape, or form... even as "friends" (even in a group setting). That's what I can't get over.
    But there is room now to have happy memories with other people. I think all this takes time. Give yourself time to just let the dust settle and say goodbye. You're right - after some time, if it's not for the both of you to remain friends, it'll shake out that way anyway. I only wouldn't place any great hope in remaining friends and from the way you speak about him, I don't think this is with friendly intention either. You're very much in love with him. It might make things awkward for you later on.

  3. #13
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    The problem with being "friends" is you'll have a front row seat to watch him date other women.

    Be honest about how you would feel if you two arranged to meet up for coffee or lunch and he brought his new girlfriend.

    If that would hurt you, if you would feel jealous, you cannot be "friends" or friends.

    And yeah, they all say they aren't looking to date. Until they are.

  4. #14
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    Does this guy actually even want to be friends though? It sort of sounded like he just said that out of politeness, because you asked to be friends. I'm sorry you're disappointed but this is what online dating is. And just dating in general. People spend time with you to see if they feel you're "the one" and unfortunately this guy didn't think that about you. Just because you were both Christian and had the same values doesn't mean you were right for each other. Your beliefs matched but that's only one aspect of a relationship. Sounds like he didn't feel like you had good conversations and that is important in a relationship. I'm sorry it didn't work out but it's probably best to just move on and not be friends.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. This sounds like an elongated idea to try to get him back and avoid thinking about the reality of the situation. It would be better to move forward and date other guys
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    The problem with being "friends" is you'll have a front row seat to watch him date other women.

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