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Thread: incredibly in love with her, but don't like her family

  1. #1
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    incredibly in love with her, but don't like her family

    we are dating for 2-3 months now. she is 19, i am 25. i am her first boyfriend, and she is my third.
    she is such an amazing and sensitive girl, full of love and empathy, adorable. i cannot stop hugging her and kissing her cheeks and lips. i want all the best for her, and equally she does for me.
    i love who she is and we are having a wonderful time together. haven't had a fight never, not even a small one! we have a very good connection and i am very glad of it.

    the problem is that i have lately met her family and... i simply don't like them. at all. they are very different from her. i really don't care continue the relationship with her since for now she is just my girlfriend so family is not that involved. i wish it would be the best option, but i have one big fear regarding it- what if it will work out between us, and we will not breakup for years? i mean, i absolutely don't see myself marring with her considering that family. breaking up with her at that point before marriage, in a few years from now- will be so so harmful and deceiving! i am super sad writing it but.. i'm afraid it would be better to break up with her now, before its too late... :(

    how can i do that though?! she will be so shocked and hurt! i cannot be responsible of making this sweet puppy cry, not in front of me, because of me!!

    what should i do? what should i tell her? how?

    thank you very much :(

  2. #2
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    If you love/like her, her family should be of secondary importance. This isn't always possible, especially when you're younger, but indeed a toxic family can go a long way.

    I would try telling her about how you feel. See how she reacts, if she's aware and whatnot, then decide what's best for the couple.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Are you two from a western culture?

    I ask, as a westerner, because I don't quite understand how someone's family could be that big a hurdle this early. But I'm from a world where you date and marry the person, not where they came from. Just trying to understand your world a bit more, in terms of values.

    Of course, if your romantic harmony is dependent on liking someone's family then you have an easy, if painful, choice here: you end this, so you can date someone you click with on this critical front for you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Family is a huge deal to many - western eastern northern or southern. I used to think the same way and chalk things up to east vs west when I was a lot younger and then life flipped things upside down and taught me that family is important to most people even if there are family members no longer present. The way your partner is is affected by how he/she was raised and there are remnants of that person's family in them. If you don't like elements or parts about her family, you may want to take a good hard look at yourself and see why they irk you so much.

    Did you have a close knit family in your growing years, for example? You could be sensitive to the relationships around you because you didn't have access to the same level of closeness with family members in the past.

    What don't you like about her family? This isn't a trap you're walking into by answering this question. I hope it challenges you instead to figure out what it is that's bothering you deep down or making you uncomfortable.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    i cannot be responsible of making this sweet puppy cry,
    Say What?

    Sir: She is a human being and if you (think) you love her then for goodness sakes let her go now before you lead her on with your schmalz and over abundance of kisses to her face O.o Do Not lead her on a moment longer if you don't think you can tolerate her family. When you find a partner, in most cases you also have to be happy with her family so that you don't end up isolating her from them... assuming of course that she loves her folks and is in a healthy family relationship.

    We are dating for 2-3 months now.
    Why are you love bombing her. Do you usually get this dramatically enmeshed that quickly with all of the women you've been with in the getting-to-know-you phase?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok it's only been 10 or so weeks. What don't you like about her family? You're better off ending it and dating more mature experienced girls. You simply tell her it's not working out and set yourselves free. Cut your losses.
    Originally Posted by AskIt
    we are dating for 2-3 months now. she is 19, i am 25. i am her first boyfriend. the problem is that i have lately met her family and... i simply don't like them. i'm afraid it would be better to break up with her now, before its too late... :(

  8. #7
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
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    Lol sweet puppy. Gross.

  9. #8
    Member simple cure's Avatar
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    You're young enough maybe you don't know about regret too much, I can't think of a bigger set up than the one that got away because you didn't like her family.
    Then, on the other hand, maybe she deserves someone who is mature enough to handle this and respect and appreciate her love even if her family sucks.
    No, you go on and get on with your ideas of perfection and leave this sweet girl to find someone who isn't a tosser.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You have every right to question this. You are obviously thinking like an adult (maybe not acting like one lol), when dating you do have to consider their family too if your goal is marriage. The truth is when you marry someone, you also inherit a new family, and I have to agree you definitely need to enjoy having her family as a part of your life no buts about it. Compatibility and expectations are not to be ignored.
    It's sad of course that you have to break her heart but TBH you two are just infatuated with each other, and that can be blinding. In a months time, you will be sitting around the dinner table Christmas eve....if that is cringe worthy then you need to get out now.

    I'm curious tho....what is it you don't like about them??

  11. #10
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    What don't you like about her family? Is it the entire family or just one or two?

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