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Thread: i think im in denial

  1. #1

    i think im in denial

    I have been with my spouse for 5 years we have been through serious life situations together. in the past 2 years he has been caught several times talking to other females.he started acting different changing passwords being secretive and he has started to ignore me complete..... he now has made friends with some people that I am not allowed to know m he goes over to their house almost every day and is gone for hours.. he says dim not invited to go with him I cant even know where the people live because he has his friends and i dont have to know everything. he is always saying that Im always up his ass when I am not I tried to talk to him about these things and he never in 5 years has cared enough to just listen. i try to explain to him that when you live with somebody that yes your around that person a lot, and just because we are in the same hose together that if he is always non stop on his phone ignoring me then thats not use spending time together he disagrees.... to shorten this up this is over isnt it..... I should let him be and go on shouldn't I?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
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    What I ask people to do is think about 40 more years in this marriage EXACTLY AS IT IS NOW. How does that make you feel? Warm and loved? Or more like a nightmare?

    Do you have children?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Before I tell you your marriage is a sham I really think itís beneficial to know your mindset.

    Are you insecure because heís distant or is he distant because youíre insecure?

    Itís one thing to rebel against someone smothering your and attempt to get time alone, itís another to be completely dismissive of your spouse to the point that theyíre treated like a piece of furniture.

    Which one is reality is the question.

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    You're being a doormat, he's obviously cheating on you. :(

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Why are you still with this person? Dont tell me you love him, what is there to love? He's cheating on you, surely you realize that.

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    Let's be fair here...while it doesn't look promising, I know myself and I can honestly say that the way I deal with conflict can be avoidance. There are many times I dealt with issues by locking myself away in my room playing video games for hours--or going to the gym, or the library...because either I was feeling smothered or there was an issue I was avoiding.
    HOWEVER, I can attest that the secretive passwords probably is something you won't like--could be pornography...could be having "emotional affairs" with women...he could be talking with them without ever having visited them---for me this is where I draw the line and go no further.
    Is it possible he's cheating? Very possible. But you gotta talk to him and just be honest and tell him, straight to the point exactly your feelings. No mixed messages, no him trying to guess...just shoot straight....otherwise it WILL continue.
    And until you have solid conclusive evidence I would do my best to trust him until proven guilty.

  8. #7
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    Yes I'm sorry to say it sounds like hes being completely dishonest here. Even if by some minor miracle he isn't cheating he's still behaving completely inappropriately. I personally wouldn't trust this guy as far as I could throw him.

    I would end it regardless. Block delete and move on. He's no good.

  9. #8
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by drivenfuture
    Let's be fair here...while it doesn't look promising, I know myself and I can honestly say that the way I deal with conflict can be avoidance. There are many times I dealt with issues by locking myself away in my room playing video games for hours--or going to the gym, or the library...because either I was feeling smothered or there was an issue I was avoiding.
    HOWEVER, I can attest that the secretive passwords probably is something you won't like--could be pornography...could be having "emotional affairs" with women...he could be talking with them without ever having visited them---for me this is where I draw the line and go no further.
    Is it possible he's cheating? Very possible. But you gotta talk to him and just be honest and tell him, straight to the point exactly your feelings. No mixed messages, no him trying to guess...just shoot straight....otherwise it WILL continue.
    And until you have solid conclusive evidence I would do my best to trust him until proven guilty.
    No offense but that is not at all a mature and healthy way to handle issues in relationships or life. OP should not tolerate that.

    Also, the way you worded the second bit I highlighted does not make it clear which side of emotional cheating you draw the line. Emotional cheating is not as bad as physical cheating, but it should still be unacceptable to any woman who respects herself.

    Finally I think the trust bit is irrelevant at this bit. Even if by some bizarre set of circumstances, he is not cheating, he is treating the OP with zero respect and consideration. She deserves better.

    OP, end this and move on, and seek therapy to figure out why you tolerate being treated this way for 5 years.

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    You are my darling x Time to make changes in your life .

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this an arranged marriage? How long did you date before you got married? How well do you know him? Does he do drugs? Does he have a gf? Or random sex with men/women? Do you both work?

    Decide if you want to stay married. If so go to marriage therapy. If not see an attorney.
    Originally Posted by skywonderlan
    I have been with my spouse for 5 years we have been through serious life situations together......

    he now has made friends with some people that I am not allowed to know m he goes over to their house almost every day and is gone for hours.. he says dim not invited to go with him I cant even know where the people live because he has his friends and i dont have to know everything. just because we are in the same hose together that if he is always non stop on his phone ignoring me then thats not use spending time together he disagrees.

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