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Thread: He keeps repeating his kids are number 1

  1. #41
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Starship44
    I want a partner I can build a future with together , buy a house. I feel he will do all this but mainly for his kids. I feel investing into future with this guy will be bad investment for me. I cancelled our date tonight and donít feel like seeing him again. I never dated anyone with kids. Can someone give me advice about this..??? Am I overreacting?
    Your fear is a legitimate one. My sister dated a widower for a little while--her friend's brother. Things started out smashingly well. But not long after she met his little daughter, the guy started asking her to babysit while he went out! It became clear that he was really just searching for a mom to raise his daughter. And that is totally understandable. It's natural for a single parent to want to find a mother (or father) to help raise their child. And some people are able to fill those shoes admirably and round out the family. But if this is not a role that you are comfortable with, you should move on. It's a critical difference and neither of you should compromise in this case.

  2. #42
    Gold Member Capttrae's Avatar
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    His kids should be #1. Period end of report. Always will be. They are his flesh and blood.

  3. #43
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    after he repeated how his kids are number 1 several times I got turned off and it made me feel worthless .

    I feel like I donít see future with him when his future are his kids. I want a partner I can build a future with together , buy a house. I feel he will do all this but mainly for his kids.

    I feel investing into future with this guy will be bad investment for me.
    I think there is some missing context here... what stands out though is your reaction, which was to feel worthless as a human being when he put his kids first. Or maybe worthless in his eyes... either way, your worth should not depend on what anyone thinks of you or where you are on their "list".

    What also stands out is that he has been reiterating this need to put his kids first pretty much constantly with you. Whether that's because he feels pressured to compromise his time or goals with them to be with you, or whether it's because he has had girlfriends in the past that have pressured him, or perhaps he hasn't been the most available dad or feels guilty that he split with the mom or or or.... we don't know the whole story.

    What I do know and as others have said, is that because this is a new relationship it's very natural that the kids come first... and the reality with any blended family situation is that will almost always be the case. If you accept this and let him do what he needs to do, over time he will see you as a partner and support instead of someone that is trying to steal his time away from his children.

    Of course there is nothing to say that you need to stay and put up with this... he sounds a bit unbalanced and like he has ALOT of baggage, and the unhappiness you feel is important to acknowledge. And know there are other dads out there that do have balance, that are capable of having a successful relationship with both their new partner and their kids without going to extremes.

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