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Thread: Why I can not make eye contact during sex anymore?

  1. #1
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    Why I can not make eye contact during sex anymore?

    I used to be able to really make love the way you see it on romantic movies. I used to look at my bf's eyes deeply and kiss him passionately and so on. I would really give him my all, all of myself.

    Over the last year or so, I can not do it anymore. I keep my eyes closed all the time. I'm not even comfortable with kissing anymore. Sex became more of a physical activity then something like soul connection and intimate love making.

    Everything is fine otherwise in my relationship, nothing has changed. I am content. My bf is not complaining about anything. I doubt he even noticed it.

    But I feel big change in me in sex area. I don't know should I be concerned. What could this mean? How can I figure out what happened to me that I became so cold and mechanical in sex, psychological distant, not allowing myself to feel emotions during sex, but being on guard? I can only let go physically. It really feels weird to me. It isn't me. I miss it.

    Is it healthy and normal to have just sex with no heart in it with the person you love?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When there is this much stress outside of the sexual/romantic relationship, resentment builds and you start just going through the motions. This is not about romance movies or closed eyes, it's about unaddressed issues in the overall satisfaction in the relationship. Work on that aspect. Reflect and consider how happy you really are.

    My advice remains the same: [Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by foolsinlove
    My boyfriend and me are not living together. He sometimes hangs out at my place. I clean after him when he leaves mess after he goes away.
    But once he pointed out my dishes are not washed right. He even talked about that to our mutual friends when we were all hanging out. I thought it was rude. I thought if it bothered him so much, he could have washed the dishes himself, since he doesn't clean anyhing in my place anyway.

    When I told him that, he didn't understand why I'm mad and said he didn't do nothing wrong. He thought I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

    I told him I dislike being criticized and treated that way. I don't act that way towards him.

    This really turned out to be ugly and I rejected his calls and didn't bother to explain to him anymore. When I did answer, he was mad and didn't apologise as I expected, but he said he'll try better.

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    Please, that is from over a year and a half ago. We worked on our issues. We don't argue anymore. Like I said, everything is fine now for a long time. I do not resent him.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by foolsinlove
    Please, that is from over a year and a half ago. We worked on our issues. We don't argue anymore. Like I said, everything is fine now for a long time. I do not resent him.
    Well, I'd say that subconsciously, you probably do resent him. It seems once the honeymoon period ended, you lost any passion you had for him... or is it the emotional connection you had with him? What do you think?

    Does he clean up after himself now or are you just thinking that you don't resent that he doesn't clean up after himself?

    As for your question. New relationship energy never, ever remains throughout the course of any long term relationship so if the two of you aren't doing anything together outside of the bedroom to keep your passion going, then you're not going to have passion in the bedroom. Does he make you orgasm during your love making?

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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    Well, I'd say that subconsciously, you probably do resent him. It seems once the honeymoon period ended, you lost any passion you had for him... or is it the emotional connection you had with him? What do you think?

    Does he clean up after himself now or are you just thinking that you don't resent that he doesn't clean up after himself?

    As for your question. New relationship energy never, ever remains throughout the course of any long term relationship so if the two of you aren't doing anything together outside of the bedroom to keep your passion going, then you're not going to have passion in the bedroom. Does he make you orgasm during your love making?
    That's the thing. We do a lot of things together. I orgasm at least once every time we have sex. That's not the problem at all. I really don't know what is the cause.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by foolsinlove
    That's the thing. We do a lot of things together. I orgasm at least once every time we have sex. That's not the problem at all. I really don't know what is the cause.
    What is it exactly that you think is wrong with any of the way you say you are feeling. Do you still want to have sex with him or are you just doing it because he insists?

    Keeping your eyes closed in itself during sex is quite common and not a detriment to you or him. If you are pleasing him and you are enjoying your O's then what is wrong with any of it, really?

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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    What is it exactly that you think is wrong with any of the way you say you are feeling. Do you still want to have sex with him or are you just doing it because he insists?

    Keeping your eyes closed in itself during sex is quite common and not a detriment to you or him. If you are pleasing him and you are enjoying your O's then what is wrong with any of it, really?
    I want to have sex but out of psychical need, not out of love. I used to express my love through sex. Now I don't anymore at all. That's a big change for me. I just don't like feeling that way, not being present completely. Something is just off. I know it's not a big issue, but it is for me. I can't fix it, if I don't know why.

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    Platinum Member ThatwasThen's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by foolsinlove
    I want to have sex but out of psychical need, not out of love. I used to express my love through sex. Now I don't anymore at all. That's a big change for me. I just don't like feeling that way, not being present completely. Something is just off. I know it's not a big issue, but it is for me. I can't fix it, if I don't know why.
    How many relationships have you been in where your "expression of love" falls into this negative state for you?

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    Originally Posted by ThatwasThen
    How many relationships have you been in where your "expression of love" falls into this negative state for you?
    Almost all of them after some time, but that was not the reason for breakups. Maybe I'm just out of love? Maybe it's normal in LTR?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This was my point about the relationship as a whole eroding and not the sexual passion per se.
    Originally Posted by foolsinlove
    Maybe I'm just out of love?

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