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Thread: Should I confront him?

  1. #1

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    Should I confront him?

    My boyfriend and I are very open with our phones and tablets so we know each otherís passcodes. I was on his tablet trying to find a video when I came across a hidden album. It had videos of him having sex with other women before we had gotten together. Am I valid to be upset that he still has these? Should I confront him about the videos? Please help. Itís causing me a lot of anxiety.

  2. #2
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    Why? This was before you met!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The album should have a separate password. If they are with partners before you, can you explain a bit more about where that anxiety is coming from? I can understand if you're in shock or hurt. Is it the material itself that hurts you (that he has a past) or the fact that he continues to keep it (has not discarded it)?

  4. #4
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    Why did you snoop through his tablet? Why don't you two trust one another?

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  6. #5
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    I posted a fairly lengthy thread on something similar last week. My feelings at the time were quite um, ďconflictedĒ to say the least and still evolve every day. I can assure you though that they will dull and soften over time, bit by bit.

    I guess the question for you is whether or not you bite your tongue in that time, or confront. The general consensus I got was that since it was in the past, itís not really my business or my issue and difficult yet as that is to hear, itís more or less right. People shouldnít blame you for feeling weird about it as itís a natural reaction, but it really shouldnít change your relationship.

    The main difference with you I suppose is that youíve seen the tapes and he kept them. The latter part of that is the only part of the issue that you could reasonably have grievance with, just have to be aware that having them in an old folder on his PC, possibly forgotten isnít the same as him watching them night after night.

  7. #6
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    The videos are from before your relationship so not sure why you are so upset.

    I don't see why he should need to delete them. The fact you share each others passwords is a bit strange to me personally but each to their own.

    Does he snoop through your devices too?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    The videos are from before your relationship so not sure why you are so upset.

    I don't see why he should need to delete them. The fact you share each others passwords is a bit strange to me personally but each to their own.

    Does he snoop through your devices too?
    Iím sure she gets that, but you canít blame her for being upset. Would you honestly take it in your stride if you saw a video of your partner having sex with someone else?

    The fact he still has it is possibly an issue too.

  9. #8
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    No.

    In fact, I'd only mention them if you have a desire to watch them together.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Horridhenry
    Iím sure she gets that, but you canít blame her for being upset. Would you honestly take it in your stride if you saw a video of your partner having sex with someone else?

    The fact he still has it is possibly an issue too.
    Genuinely wouldn't bother me. The sharing of each others passwords is the only thing in this thread that does. A sense of insecurity with each other is what I'd feel if someone asked me to share my password.

    Now she's got his password she's randomly searched through his folders and found something she doesnt like.

    He's hidden the folder probably so OP doesn't get upset but she's gone Inspector Gadget and now she's upset. If they had respected each others privacy and not exchanged passwords none of this would exist.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Genuinely wouldn't bother me. The sharing of each others passwords is the only thing in this thread that does. A sense of insecurity with each other is what I'd feel if someone asked me to share my password.

    Now she's got his password she's randomly searched through his folders and found something she doesnt like.

    He's hidden the folder probably so OP doesn't get upset but she's gone Inspector Gadget and now she's upset. If they had respected each others privacy and not exchanged passwords none of this would exist.
    The password sharing depends on the context. I told my gf mine once because her phone had ran out of battery and she needed to see something online. I trust her not to go snooping in my photos.

    It has however become ďa thingĒ especially for younger couples. There are articles online that effectively declare it a milestone that you should plan and do at some point in a relationship. Agree it seems odd and insecure.

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