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Thread: Dating two women at the same time??

  1. #11
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    I understand it's bad form to date two people when in high school but, if you're a grownup, you're not only allowed to do it, you must assume the other person is also dating multiple people. Until there's a ring on it, it's fine.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    You're assuming that everyone involved thinks this way and I can tell you that many do not.

    Many people are not cool with multi-dating, even early on. They would prefer to focus on one person and the person they are dating/seeing to do the same.

    Best to have this conversation with your potentials so that everyone is on the same page and no one gets offended or hurt.
    I'm not making assumptions about how anyone thinks.

    I just don't operate from the assumption that autonomous adults on dating apps were placed on that app exclusively as variables in my personal experiment in dating, meaning I don't equate "you've got a match" or "coffee on Friday sounds great" with "she is only interested in you." I also assume any adult I meet can express to me their thoughts, beliefs, needs, and so on, however and whenever they see fit, as I can do the same.

    If someone requires the exclusivity of singular focus on a first meet generated by a rightward swipe—yes, I would personally consider that to be a big ask. Still, someone can ask for exactly that, per their value system. Or, if a second date is 100 percent dependent on someone not meeting up with anyone else in the interim, they can express that when the second date is broached or during some general chitchat on the first date.

    I personally wouldn't bother with a conversation about all that, at that stage, because I personally wouldn't be concerned. And if these things are not voiced to me—I don't feel I need to bring them up as a preemptive cushion to protect the feelings of someone I've spent an hour with. That is what would strike me closer to making an assumption about what someone is thinking or feeling, if that makes sense.

    I guess I just think a tiny bit of faith in humanity, and oneself, can go a very long way in all this. One, two, three dates with someone—it can go a million ways. If it's going to go the right way it's probably just going to start going there, and all this stuff will be sorted out pretty quickly and seamlessly.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Just thread carefully.

    Not everyone has the same value systems and people might think you're playing the field sort to speak.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
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    If you met them on a dating app, there is all likelihood that you are not the only guy they are going on dates with, so why can't you. It is not like you are exclusive with any of these girls, so you are not bound to date them and them alone. As opportunities can be rare for many guys on these apps, I say go for it.

    And, you are not bound by any rules to tell the people you are dating other people. If asked, that's up to you, but I generally turn it back on them. 'Why, are you?'

    But, at some point, choose one. Perhaps if you start sleeping with one, ditch the other. But, ultimately, if you have not had the exclusivity talk with one of them, then you can do what you damn well want.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    These are more like first meets than dating. They are meeting other people as well. Ok date both again and if one flakes or you decide you like one more than the other you can focus on that.
    Originally Posted by Jimbob83
    Now I have never dated two women at the same time, seems a bit insincere to me. However in these circumstances, I have doubts about the first girl's interest and there is a possibility she may cancel again. I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to meet the second girl but it just seems a bit alien to me to have two dates planned with different women.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Just thread carefully.

    Not everyone has the same value systems and people might think you're playing the field sort to speak.
    Dunno how choosing not to zero in immediately on a stranger and taking your time is considered playing the field. I get if they're dating two or three people for several months and being evasive and misleading; that I would consider playing the field. But a first meeting with someone? Lol

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    How do you define "dating"? The definition tends to vary depending on who you talk to and exclusivity is not a given.

    If dating means only talking/ non-sexual activities, then it's ok to go out with more than one person. However, imo, the minute it starts involving sex, that's where it becomes dodgy and it would be best to find out whether the other person is on the same page. Of course, many people don't feel obliged to provide such "courtesy" so the safest option for the people who are uncomfortable with such scenarios is to discuss openly how the other person defines dating.

    Some say anything goes as long as an "exclusivity talk" has not taken place. Personally, I would consider acceptable going out on meet ups with more than one person but not getting physical with multiple people during the same time period. My feelings for the other person would probably be tainted if I were to find out that they were having sex with others while dating me. I would consider that a clash in our personal values.

    Imo, going out with the second girl in the scenario you described is acceptable. It sounds too early stage to be considered "proper dating" at this point.
    Last edited by Clio; 11-15-2019 at 03:22 AM.

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