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Thread: Monkey branching and likelihood of reconciliation vs rebound

  1. #71
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    They didn't even need the woo-woo language to learn that the only way to get whatever is coming for you is to let go of what came before.
    Love this!

  2. #72
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    Figureitout: I see what you're saying. I think because some of us are rather fragile right now - the softness can be helpful - but still with the right messaging to go along with it (like what you're saying).

    I have been very cautious about labeling my ex anything problematic. He's got a lot of qualities that are indicative of a narcissist and a sociopath - but then again, I can't be sure about placing a label on his behaviour.

    How have you dealt with breakups as a dumpee? Where did you get the strength to move on? You sound like a strong person - I enjoy learning from others.
    Therapy, time, and honestly... this site.

    Iím far from strong, believe me, I stumble with the best of them. Iím just a realist who doesnít like watching people hurt themselves.

  3. #73
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    I like how you asked me to put myself in the situation of acquiring someone back who lined up someone else.
    Sure, playing out whatever you believe you want at any given time is a great way to work past the 'wanting' to learn what would happen if you ever got it.

    In the case of an ex who has been disloyal, the whole fantasy of them returning is just ego food. If they really returned, what happens to the disloyalty they've already demo'd? It doesn't go away. It's a capacity they own that's been revealed, and the act of taking them back sends the message that they can get away with that--they'll just need to be a bit sneakier about it.

    So who really wants a relationship with such a person? Nobody in their right mind. What we all really want is an unstained angelic vision of that person that we've projected onto them, which is not accurate and will never become true.

    So the best way to move forward is to make a goal of surprising everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to bounce back from mistreatment with a newfound recognition that you value yourself far more than that person could ever value you. This gains you an ability to screen out bad matches better in the future, and so you've gained a confidence in your judgment going forward that you never owned before.

    We each get to decide whether our experiences will add something TO us, or whether we'll misuse them to damage ourselves. I always vote for finding the pearls--every time. This choice will set the tone for your future, and nobody else can make that choice for you.

    Head high.

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