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Thread: Monkey branching and likelihood of reconciliation vs rebound

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    "But, generally speaking - do you believe if someone lined up someone else - might they come back? I'm not even thinking about my situation anymore. Just for others when they search up this term it might help them out."

    Common sense says no.

    Besides, those who monkey branch from relationship to relationship tend to be toxic people. It's a huge red flag. I wouldn't get involved with a person who is trying to monkey branch and I would never take back an ex who monkey branched. Goodbye and good riddance.

    Break ups are hard, but once you start focusing more on yourself, improving your life, friendships, hobbies or developing those things, you'll find that you no longer see your ex in any great light or want them back even if they begged. Hindsight does come around and eventually you start to see the problems with them, realize there is better out there for you. On day at a time, one step forward. Some day are better than others, but keep reminding yourself to focus on looking forward.
    What a well balanced and wonderful answer. I hope others, like myself, come across this thread and find answers like yours. It's very encouraging!
    May I ask - have you been the dumpee before? How did you put the focus on yourself into practice? How long did it take for you to heal? And, of course, have you ever had a monkey branching/rebounding ex come back?

    To be honest, I came back to my ex - but he dumped me first. I came back to him 2 years later as I still did love him. I'm hoping that doesn't make me a bad person too :( (I guess it's true about the fading affect bias - I forgot about all of the awful things and only remember the good times). He also moved on and had a girlfriend for at least 9 months.

    Thanks again for such a great reply!

  2. #22
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Tee.

    "do you believe if someone lined up someone else - might they come back?"

    The short answer is no.

    Hanging on to such beliefs comes under the headings "Malignant Optimism" and its dismal cousin "Malignant Nostalgia".

  3. #23
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    "And, of course, have you ever had a monkey branching/rebounding ex come back?"

    lol....you keep pushing to be told what you want to hear - please tell me my ex will come back. The question you need to ask is why on earth would you want back a person who dumped you for another shiny object? I mean how low are your standards?

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    "And, of course, have you ever had a monkey branching/rebounding ex come back?"

    lol....you keep pushing to be told what you want to hear - please tell me my ex will come back. The question you need to ask is why on earth would you want back a person who dumped you for another shiny object? I mean how low are your standards?
    LOL. No, no - I just want people who are coming from a healthier space (like yourself) to talk about their experiences and if this type of scenario ever happened to them and how they handled it. Like I said, online gurus will tell you that rebounds inevitably fail and your ex will reach out to you some time in the future if you enact indefinite no contact. But, monkey branching is a different beast.

    I do like how you put that 'shiny object' statement!

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by LaHermes
    Tee.

    "do you believe if someone lined up someone else - might they come back?"

    The short answer is no.

    Hanging on to such beliefs comes under the headings "Malignant Optimism" and its dismal cousin "Malignant Nostalgia".
    That's a great answer. Thanks for those two terms. I'm sure others might be helped to name and claim their own behaviours.

    Thanks for your input as well!

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
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    Ooh. Question time...I love these :) :
    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    how did you let go of your hopium?
    Well sadly it was just time passing really...It fades as reality sinks in and the day to day takes over. God it took me a long time but it takes as long as it takes. So long as your taking care of yourself and pushing forward the Hopium will do it's own thing....You can't force it away per se' so you just do what needs to be done and forge forward*
    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    Did your ex monkey branch/rebound etc?
    Oh God yes. It was traumatic for both of us, even though it was her decision...and so, in an effort to cope she became the Queen of Tinder. She had 4 short term relationships within the first say 8-12 months of us separating...Could have been more by now but I left the country and she finally weaned off me so I don't hear from her or about her anymore*
    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    What made you realize she wasn't coming back?
    Basically my own EXperiences and the thousands of posts I've read and cases I've worked on....Out of the hundreds of girlfriends that have dumped me, zero have ever come back. To me it seems to only be something that happens to other people....lol

    Also, by the time she pulled the pin she had a pretty strong narrative going in her own head about why we shouldn't be together....I didn't necessarily agree with it but there wasn't much I could do about it by then either....
    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    I'm just hoping other people like myself might read this thread and gain some more insight. I think the more info people can use to support their understanding of everything, the better.
    Well there's plenty of food for thought in this very forum, but yes. Writing out your story has long known to be cathartic and it does help others to realise that we're never the only one's going through it....Coz it sure feels like it at the time!
    Originally Posted by teeEFc
    Were you better off in the end after you let go?
    Hmm...Define 'better off'...? I still think about her almost every day and miss our life together, but thank God that horrible, chest crushing pain has long subsided! That was really bad!

    That said, I've managed to build a brilliant life for myself and have a new GF who is really nice....So I would find it very difficult to go back now even if by some miracle that opportunity arose.....It was my birthday last week and I heard nada from her. She was also in my area 2 months ago and I didn't even get a 'Hello'...Things like that tell me everything I need to know....

    My case is a little unique. Only a small percentage of us never fully heal and perhaps I never will. But I've come to realise that I can think about her and miss her, so long as I'm pushing on and doing good in the world then it's ok....and like I say, at least that soul destroying, all encompassing pain has gone!

    I have little doubt that you will be fine in the long run....truly. So long as you focus on your health and income and take care of that which needs taking care of*

    Thanks for indulging me...You're gonna be fine* :)

    Carus*

  8. #27
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    O.P. : "But, generally speaking - do you believe if someone lined up someone else - might they come back? I'm not even thinking about my situation anymore. Just for others when they search up this term it might help them out."

    From my experience and what I see around me, most exes do come back BUT not for the good reasons. usually, they come back because they're lonely or things didn't work out with the rebound or the person they did monkey branching with. So they come back and all the reasons why your relationship with them crashed are still there, unresolved. The worse part is that there is no real intention from either part to really fix the issues. Therefore the relationship crashes again. Most of the time they come back and a FWB between you two replace the old relationship. Can you really call that "coming back" ? Not to mention that they will live you again.

    Some people marry their rebound or their monkey branching person. I've seen it too.

    The real question should be: do YOU really want that person back ? because it will come with all the pain, all the unresolved issues and the knowledge that this person betrayed you and was totally fine not having you in their life...That's what you would get back. Not an improved version of the relationship.

    My point is, there is a reason why your relationship is over. You want that person back because you are in pain and you think this person will bring you back your happiness. That's understandable. You can ask all the question you want but the reality is you have NO control over another person and no ways to predict the future. What you have control over is YOUR actions. You need to believe in your capacity to be happy on your own. believe in your strength. No need to be a "superhuman version of yourself". Just be YOU. have the courage to work on your well-being instead of wishing and hoping your ex will do it for you by coming back.

    Create a life that you can enjoy (career wise, friendship wise, new hobby etc.) so you can be happy again. You need to be happy on your own first. Otherwise you will stay in unhealthy relationship out of codependency.

    Have faith that something better will come your way.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Oh no, it's now just a public service thread, totally not about me desperately clinging to hope. Come on, OP. Be honest with yourself and with us please. You are fooling no one. So maybe your first step toward recovery is learning a little honesty. You are being quite manipulative here.

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I had to google monkey branching. It's not for me. I feel left field and ungrounded and deceitful and I'm not sure I can live with myself after the fact. I think it would take a troubled person to do this and I'm sorry if you're going through a tough time right now.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Oh no, it's now just a public service thread, totally not about me desperately clinging to hope. Come on, OP. Be honest with yourself and with us please. You are fooling no one. So maybe your first step toward recovery is learning a little honesty. You are being quite manipulative here.
    Truly, I was searching a lot online for monkey branching and I didn't really see anything about successes/failures. The first time I heard that if you were in a monkey branching scenario your ex wouldn't come back was when I heard Dating Guy say it. Otherwise, it's really hard to find anything. I did a search on this site too without any results.

    So, with all my honesty, I do want others to have a resource that I didn't have while searching up this concept.

    Of course, I produced this thread because I'm hurting and was looking to see if others could confirm what I feared - monkey branching exes won't return. Like I said, I couldn't really find a lot of info online and there was a clear distinction between a rebound and a monkey branch situation.

    Your statements are correct - no more clinging to hope. I guess the reason I clung to hope is that I didn't realize that if your ex monkey branched you, you are more likely to not hear from them again.
    Now that I know it's probably not going to happen ever - the moving forward without looking back will be kicked up into high gear.
    Of course, I'd love to hear it's still possible as someone in pain :) But, like you said, it's not a good idea, you can't look back - just keep going forward and getting on with the best life you can lead.

    I do thank you for your honesty and help. I appreciate it!

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