Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 8 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 73

Thread: Monkey branching and likelihood of reconciliation vs rebound

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Keyman's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    London, UK
    Age
    48
    Posts
    3,125
    Gender
    Male
    So, your partner monkey branches off to someone they feel is better, for whatever reason.

    She has done you a favour. If she comes back, she should be kicked to the kurb, full stop, end of story.

    To do anything else will show her your worth, that you are fine with her branching off to get jack hammered by some guy who is not you and then to come back to her safe little simp who will always be there, until another contender shows himself.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    22,445
    Gender
    Female
    Taking back someone who left me for someone else would only position me for a life of fearing the next person they meet. Not exactly the kind of position I'd select for myself.

    Monkey branching and leapfrogging are the same as rebounding with no time in between. They've set up someone on-deck instead of breaking up before finding that person. None are recipes for a stable and secure relationship, because the people involved have not taken the time to stabilize before involving someone else. It doesn't mean they'll never stumble upon success, it's just not a method that healthy people would choose.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    50,785
    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Taking back someone who left me for someone else would only position me for a life of fearing the next person they meet. Not exactly the kind of position I'd select for myself.

    Monkey branching and leapfrogging are the same as rebounding with no time in between. They've set up someone on-deck instead of breaking up before finding that person. None are recipes for a stable and secure relationship, because the people involved have not taken the time to stabilize before involving someone else. It doesn't mean they'll never stumble upon success, it's just not a method that healthy people would choose.
    In our case we didn't do that (although I started dating right away but the break up was not because of any of those people at all) and I think it still depends on context -was it a one time thing, how much time has passed, has the person changed over that period of time and if so, how?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member figureitout23's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    4,630
    Wait...

    Didnít you marry someone pretty quickly after ending this relationship?

    Didnít you resume contact with him while you are still married?

    Didnít you block him because he called you while you were Ďsickí

    Serious question everyone and Iím not being sarcastic, how is she abused?

    Maybe Iím reading it wrong it just seems like sheís the perpetrator?

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Carus's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    I Can See The Sun!
    Posts
    2,487
    Gender
    Male
    Agree with Catfeeder* ~ Monkey Branching, Leapfrogging, Rebounding...Same things, different labels....

    In my time working in this field what I've come to realise is that an ex returning and wanting to make it work is like winning the lottery....extremely rare and not one person can predict whether it will happen or not....Whether they monkey branched, rebounded, flat out left or whatever.....

    That is why it is so important to just focus on yourself and your own path moving forward....But I do understand it can also take some time to let that Hopium drain away. Took me almost 2 years even though I knew full well she wasn't coming back.....

    As for karma, I too have wished that 'karma' would kick my ex(s) in the butt but had to come to the realisation that someone wanting to end a relationship isn't necessarily karma inducing....they're free to follow what they decide is right for them.....

    Staying IN a relationship and being emotionally or physically abusive, well that's another story.....

    Not sure I even believe in karma anyway....I just try to do good in the world for my own peace of mind*

    Dating Guy is pretty good. I like The Healing Heart too if you can find him on YT......

    Stay Strong. You can do this*

    Carus*

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,052
    Gender
    Female
    It doesn't matter how your ex ends things or whether they monkey branched or got involved with a rebound or stayed celibate for a year or two. It's all completely irrelevant.

    What is relevant is that this person dumped you because they no longer want to be with you in particular. That is not a judgment on you, it is their personal life choice that often has little or nothing to do with you. The sooner you start accepting that, the faster you'll be able to heal and move on. Rejection hurts, but trying to cling on to the idea that you want a person who rejected you is completely toxic to you. A case where you have to stop looking in the rear view mirror and start looking ahead toward your future because if you don't start looking forward, you'll quickly find yourself wrecked in the ditch.

    If you want to improve something about yourself, do it for you and only you and only because that would make you happy or benefit you going forward.

  8. #17
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    50
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    It doesn't matter how your ex ends things or whether they monkey branched or got involved with a rebound or stayed celibate for a year or two. It's all completely irrelevant.

    What is relevant is that this person dumped you because they no longer want to be with you in particular. That is not a judgment on you, it is their personal life choice that often has little or nothing to do with you. The sooner you start accepting that, the faster you'll be able to heal and move on. Rejection hurts, but trying to cling on to the idea that you want a person who rejected you is completely toxic to you. A case where you have to stop looking in the rear view mirror and start looking ahead toward your future because if you don't start looking forward, you'll quickly find yourself wrecked in the ditch.

    If you want to improve something about yourself, do it for you and only you and only because that would make you happy or benefit you going forward.
    Your words of wisdom are what I'm trying to live by every minute of the day right now. Things are really, really tough - still. It's really nice to read friendly reminders like what you've written here!
    I'm trying to pursue things that will make a difference in the world and are things I purely enjoy.

    I'm getting a bit better and I realize that if I want to win someone over or progress as a person - I need to look forward. I can't afford to look back.

    Thanks again for your input.

    But, generally speaking - do you believe if someone lined up someone else - might they come back? I'm not even thinking about my situation anymore. Just for others when they search up this term it might help them out.

  9. #18
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    50
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Carus
    Agree with Catfeeder* ~ Monkey Branching, Leapfrogging, Rebounding...Same things, different labels....

    In my time working in this field what I've come to realise is that an ex returning and wanting to make it work is like winning the lottery....extremely rare and not one person can predict whether it will happen or not....Whether they monkey branched, rebounded, flat out left or whatever.....

    That is why it is so important to just focus on yourself and your own path moving forward....But I do understand it can also take some time to let that Hopium drain away. Took me almost 2 years even though I knew full well she wasn't coming back.....

    As for karma, I too have wished that 'karma' would kick my ex(s) in the butt but had to come to the realisation that someone wanting to end a relationship isn't necessarily karma inducing....they're free to follow what they decide is right for them.....

    Staying IN a relationship and being emotionally or physically abusive, well that's another story.....

    Not sure I even believe in karma anyway....I just try to do good in the world for my own peace of mind*

    Dating Guy is pretty good. I like The Healing Heart too if you can find him on YT......

    Stay Strong. You can do this*

    Carus*
    Hey Carus!
    Thanks so much for your experience!
    May I ask - how did you let go of your hopium? Did your ex monkey branch/rebound etc? What made you realize she wasn't coming back?
    I'm just hoping other people like myself might read this thread and gain some more insight. I think the more info people can use to support their understanding of everything, the better.

    Were you better off in the end after you let go?

    Thanks again!

  10. #19
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,052
    Gender
    Female
    "But, generally speaking - do you believe if someone lined up someone else - might they come back? I'm not even thinking about my situation anymore. Just for others when they search up this term it might help them out."

    Common sense says no.

    Besides, those who monkey branch from relationship to relationship tend to be toxic people. It's a huge red flag. I wouldn't get involved with a person who is trying to monkey branch and I would never take back an ex who monkey branched. Goodbye and good riddance.

    Break ups are hard, but once you start focusing more on yourself, improving your life, friendships, hobbies or developing those things, you'll find that you no longer see your ex in any great light or want them back even if they begged. Hindsight does come around and eventually you start to see the problems with them, realize there is better out there for you. On day at a time, one step forward. Some day are better than others, but keep reminding yourself to focus on looking forward.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    3,705
    Gender
    Female
    How about taking a HUGE breather from envisioning yourself as part of a couple? Your last two relationships failed. If you don't take time solo, including mentally (no more thinking of a potential partner), your future relationships are bound to fail as well.

    This is the time to reestablish friendships you've allowed to fall by the wayside, or to create new friendships by finding a hobby you can be passionate about. Try meet up.com to join activity groups of people who have fun meeting up for festivals, hiking, book discussion groups. If you've never learned to enjoy your own company, now's the perfect time to start. Try new recipes. There's a library app that lets you download audio books for free. Enjoy listening to a great story or a self help book while snuggled in bed. Do volunteer work to get out of your own head and feel good about helping others.

    Ironically, only when you're totally fulfilled with a life solo, will you be ready to share your joy with a companion. Right now, you feel like you need a companion to be fulfilled, which is your problem. You're seeking a man to fill a void within you, and because you're not whole yourself, your man picker will continue to be faulty. Embrace the word freedom for the moment and all it has to offer. Take care.

Page 2 of 8 FirstFirst 12345 ... LastLast

Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •