Ex contacted my Parents during No Contact

Hi,

I have a question and would also like some advice. So, my ex girlfriend broke up with me around a month ago. I tried to convince her to continue for about a week. There was a lot of back and forth. She would change her mind often and at the end decided to break the relation. She said she still loves me and misses me but she cannot continue due to the problems which happened between us during relationship. We had frequent quarrels and she was afraid that this will continue in the future as well. She said she was stressed in the relation even though all this while during the relation she kept telling me how happy she is with me and even made serious plans for future with me.

After a few days, I decided to go No Contact. I told her that I am not interested in being just friends with her, wished her good luck and told her that I accept her decision and respect it. Ever since then, there has been no contact between us. She did not try to reach out either.

After 2 weeks of No Contact, she reaches out to my Mother through text messages and writes her a long story about how unhappy she was during the relationship which led her to break it. She did not contact my mother with any intention to reconcile (at least not directly). She said we really love each other but due to large number of quarrels, she cannot continue. She shifted the blame on me for all the mistakes and portrayed herself as the victim to my mother. My mother is very unbiased and always has been very polite to my girlfriend. Despite the break up, my mother communicated peacefully and politely with my ex girlfriend. After a few long messages back and forth, my ex girlfriend continued to blame me for the mistakes while not owning up her mistakes. So, my mother wrote her in detail her own opinion (politely and firmly). Then my mother wished my ex girlfriend good luck. The ex girlfriend again responded with 2 long messages.

By then, I told my mother not to respond to my ex girlfriend anymore. I don't want my mother to get stress from all this. She has already been very polite. Most mothers would not communicate with the ex girlfriends of their son after the break up, especially if the ex girlfriend is not showing any signs of reconciling.

Do you think my decision to tell my mother not to reply any further to my ex girlfriend was correct? All I could see my ex girlfriend telling my mother is how she is so sad, how she had the hopes for this relation to work but then all mistakes were made by me. She did not take ownership for her mistakes and instead just kept giving reasons for it. She even told my mother that she should ask me to move on and find someone else.

I have been in No Contact all this while. Almost a month of No Contact completed.

In my personal opinion, my ex girlfriend always has the option to reach out to me directly. And if she wants to reach out, it should be something substantial, meaningful and positive. She cannot continue dwelling in the past problems, not take ownership for her mistakes and just expect me to listen to her complaining about the past instead of thinking positive about the future.

Do you think the fact that my mother did not reply to her has offended my ex girlfriend even more?

Thanks.

Ask your mother to stop communicating with her and block and delete her. What were the quarrels about? This seems like a quite manipulative passive-aggressive tactic on the part of this exgf. That in itself should have you running for the hills and deleting and blocking her and all her people permanently from all your messaging apps and social media.

She dumps you.

You won't engage with her anymore.

She contacts your mother instead.

I'm guessing she thought there would be drama.

She can't get it from you so she hassles your family?

She sounds toxic.

Your mother has done the right thing, and very politely by the sound of it. Mine would have given her an earful.

Your mother should not be texting with your ex gf. You are broken up, end of story. Mother should block and delete this girl. This is not your mother's issue, and the ex should work on moving on with her life not pestering your mother.

So she breaks up with you and blames you for fighting. When you gracefully accept her decision and go NC, she tries to harass and pick a fight and create drama with your mother.

Think about that a bit. That's pretty messed up and toxic behavior. In fact, if you look back at your relationship more, you'll probably start to realize that she was the one instigating those arguments all along.

Your mom was above and beyond kind to her, but really, she needs to block her from further contact. What your ex did is completely inappropriate and unacceptable behavior and you were correct to advise your mom to stop responding to your ex. I would just take that additional step and block the ex completely from your mom's phone so your ex doesn't continue to harass your mom.

If I were you, I'd do the same thing for yourself. Block your ex from any contact and warn any personal friends of yours that she might know or have access to, other relatives she might decide to harass to beware and not speak to her.

I wouldn't be concerned how your ex feels, I'd be very concerned that she is harassing my family. That is some seriously crazy behavior, especially given that she decided to dump you. There is just no reason or excuse for that. This break up sounds like a blessing in disguise and a bullet dodged all in one. After this, don't even consider taking her back should she come crawling.

What does it matter? You are not compatible.

Your mother must stop communication. I think it was messed up for her to contact your mom. Strange!

Block and delete her.

Sounds like he already asked mom not to respond again.

Maybe she wanted to "save face" with mom - who knows - or maybe she wanted it to get back to him.

Either way, NC is the right thing.

Yes, i think, OP, that you should not worry about "offending her" by mom not responding.

What a very silly, manipulative little girl.

It would have been good if your mother had responded along the lines of "I'm sorry to hear about you and Surfer, but that really is none of my business and if you want to communicate with him, do so directly".

Keep up the NC. If your ex-girlfriend feels offended by others keeping healthy, appropriate boundaries then that's neither your problem nor your responsibility.

Ask your mother to tell your ex gf that she will cease contact with her and if your ex ignores your mother's request that she will ghost, block and delete her.

It's sneaky to contact your mother behind your back. It's betraying your trust and very deceitful behavior.

Don't worry about offending by your mother ignoring. Your mother should continue to ignore and if not, ask your mother to give fair warning to your ex. GO NC or your mother will have to take more drastic measures.

Even though your mother is trying to be nice, fair and impartial, her loyalty should always be 110% with her son, YOU.

In my personal opinion, my ex girlfriend always has the option to reach out to me directly. And if she wants to reach out, it should be something substantial, meaningful and positive. She cannot continue dwelling in the past problems, not take ownership for her mistakes and just expect me to listen to her complaining about the past instead of thinking positive about the future.

 

Do you think the fact that my mother did not reply to her has offended my ex girlfriend even more?

I agree that she shouldn't have contacted your mother but the blessing here is now you can reflect on what she had to say and improve on anything that you agree as being the things you did and didn't do that contributed to the breakup.

You could of course contact her mother and tell her mother all the mistakes you think she made but that too would be "wrong" so hopefully you are over her enough to just forget her but remember her message for the future.

I think you did the right thing to tell your mother to stop replying to her and no, I don't think your g/f will care that she has stopped. I suspect your g/f liked and respected your mother and she started a conversation with her to explain her side of the story so that she didn't look like the only "bad guy" in the relationship. You of course would have already told your mom your side.