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Thread: Ghosted or Scared?

  1. #1
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    Ghosted or Scared?

    Hi,

    I'm 30 now. There's this guy I've known since high school who had a crush on me back then and I shut him down. After I graduated high school, I got into a relationship with someone else, spent five years with the guy, got engaged, and had 2 kids. 2 months after I broke up with my ex fiance (it was announced on social media), this guy from high school hits me up. I'm 23 at the time. I blew him off again because I just had too much going on being a single mom, and trying to work, and I wasn't over my ex yet. He persistently hit me up about once every 3 or 4 months after that for 6 whole years!! And over time I slowly became more responsive to him and even hung out a few times, but I always made it clear to him nothing was going to happen. So now present time, my kids are older now 7 and 8 and I'm finally ready to start dating so I actually made the effort to start hitting him up more often because I'm realizing that he's actually grown on me. He's a very attractive guy, he just always had this bad reputation as a player, but he has a kid too now a few years younger than my youngest and seems to have really matured and settled down. We've hung out together with our kids and seeing how good of a dad he is and how easy the relationship flowed with my kids was like the moment I REALLY got into him. We've since had some amazing conversations and dates. He respects that I don't want to get INTIMATE just yet although he reminds me he's waited all these years... The only negative thing is that we have polar opposite political views. Though I'm not really that in to politics I just have my little opinions and that's it. He's VERY involved in them though and likes to debate and I don't.

    Anyways, fast forward to today, he suddenly stopped responding to me all together. Like "left on read" type of ignoring. It's been about a month now. There was no argument, nothing profound being said. We had had a normal conversation that day about work. The next morning I got the typical good morning text. And then when I asked if we were still meeting up later nothing... Have I been ghosted? Did he get scared? He's been very vocal about how much he likes me and how waiting for me was so worth it. He's always making me reassure him "Is this forreal? You really like me? You finally want me?" He admits to being really insecure because the mother of his child cheated on him.

    I also kind of feel like maybe I didn't live up to the fantasy idea of who he thought I was. Not to sound conceited, but I get hit on all the time and everywhere I go people tell me how beautiful I am, but honestly I'm a total awkward, introverted, nerd. I work in IT and have zero social life. But at the same time those are the things he used to gush about he loved about me so I'm really at a loss here. I don't know if I should try and reach out again. I don't want to look desperate. I've already done the "double text." I know he's not dead, in jail or institutionalized because he still posts on his social media page, but it's all vague stuff about sports and shared funny videos/memes. Which really makes me feel hurt because I know he knows I can see that he's ignoring me and apparently he doesn't care. My friends say get a new man "that'll make him jealous" but if this is really about him being scared or insecure that I'll change my mind and blow him off or shut him down again doing something like that may just ruin everything if there is a chance.

    Help!

  2. #2
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    Sounds to me like he is still very much the player you rightly thought he was.
    And still immature.

    Think about it!!! He claims the mother of his child cheated on him??? Yet while he was with her , he hit you up every few months!!

    My guess is that his ego got a knock back when you turned him down at school and after your marriage broke up.
    When you started hitting him up , he was still up for the challenge and to redeem his deflated ego wrt you.
    Now that you are still not allowing intimacy when he is at his greatest chance of conquest , he has given up.
    It was a game , he has now stopped playing and likely trying with someone else.

    That’s my take on it anyway!

  3. #3
    Silver Member MirrorKnight's Avatar
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    He was probably multi-dating and decided to focus on somebody else, but too chicken to tell you, possibly to keep the option open in case his primary target falls through.

  4. #4
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    OP, it could be either one. This guy does not sound like a great option to date or expose your kids to.

    Don't you think you should focus on expanding your social life by making new friends.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Honey2theB31
    Hi,

    I'm 30 now. There's this guy I've known since high school who had a crush on me back then and I shut him down.

    ....

    this guy from high school hits me up. I'm 23 at the time. I blew him off again

    ....

    I always made it clear to him nothing was going to happen

    ....

    We've since had some amazing conversations and dates. He respects that I don't want to get INTIMATE just yet although he reminds me he's waited all these years... The only negative thing is that we have polar opposite political views.
    ....
    Which really makes me feel hurt because I know he knows I can see that he's ignoring me and apparently he doesn't care.


    Help!
    A number of other posters have criticized this guy, but how about some perspective?

    You have been playing him along for years and he's suddenly grown a spine and shut you down.

    He probably met someone else he preferred.

  7. #6
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    I also kind of feel like maybe I didn't live up to the fantasy idea of who he thought I was.
    This was my first thought , but on second thought ...he has gotten to know you over the years and I pretty much guess he knows you are a *nerd* ( as you put it ) ...

    I wonder if he has gone to get laid ...simple as that

    You will only know when he reaches out , I wouldn't be contacting him again , hard as that is . I don't agree with your friends about trying to make him jealous . It always bites you on the ass when you game play .

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why was he "hitting you up" while he was in a relationship and having kids? Is he still living with someone? It sounds like in person, things didn't work out.

    If you feel ready to date, get out more and join some clubs, groups, volunteer, etc. Get in shape, new clothes, hair, etc and get on some quality dating apps. Start messaging and meeting men.
    Originally Posted by Honey2theB31
    He persistently hit me up about once every 3 or 4 months after that for 6 whole years. my kids are older now 7 and 8 and I'm finally ready to start dating. he has a kid too now a few years younger than my youngest.

    he suddenly stopped responding to me all together. It's been about a month now.

  9. #8
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    I think he just wants some sexy time.

    Oh and stop blowing off men you are interested in dating.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by RayRay63
    A number of other posters have criticized this guy, but how about some perspective?

    You have been playing him along for years and he's suddenly grown a spine and shut you down.

    He probably met someone else he preferred.
    It’s not like I have mercilessly strung him along. I was very transparent about just not being in the mindset to date and just not having time and needing my own space after splitting from my fiancé. He is the one who chose to continue hitting me up every few months checking in to see where I was at and though there were times I ignored him he already knew what kind of mindset I was in.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Why was he "hitting you up" while he was in a relationship and having kids? Is he still living with someone? It sounds like in person, things didn't work out.

    If you feel ready to date, get out more and join some clubs, groups, volunteer, etc. Get in shape, new clothes, hair, etc and get on some quality dating apps. Start messaging and meeting men.
    I’m not entirely sure he was with this girl very long. Even though they had a child together it seemed to be very off and on. From her social media page, she’s in a relationship with someone else and doesn’t even live in this town. He has his child a majority of the time.

    I’d rather start dating people I know rather than random strangers online, but I might have to do that just to get over this.

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