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Thread: Ghosted or Scared?

  1. #41
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can you articulate your supposed sins here? You seem to have this story that you've been difficult, less than innocent. But why? Because you didn't chomp at the bit of little pokes he sent while poking someone else? Because you didn't want to have sex when he wanted to have sex? I ask this earnestly. I understand that your life situation, emotional equilibrium, and so on, didn't perfectly align with his hopes, but I'm not sure that is "difficult." Ghosting, on the other hand, is being extraordinarily difficult and immature.

    Guess I feel like you're trying to get two feathers to equal the weight of a lead cannonball in order to rationalize being attracted to this guy.

    The other thing I'd just be mindful of is this idea that you guys share some rich history. You went to high school together, when he wanted to get with you. Over the years he poked. That's thin stuff, not deep stuff. Finally you hang out a handful of times. Nice times, deep talks. That is also thin stuff. Get on a dating app and you'll do that 2-12 times in a year, with the ones who ghost kind of announcing the very real limits to their depths.

    Just trying to protect you here. I get that you need to keep exploring this, and will, but I'm a believer that it's always best to see what we're exploring clearly.

  2. #42
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    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Can you articulate your supposed sins here? You seem to have this story that you've been difficult, less than innocent. But why? Because you didn't chomp at the bit of little pokes he sent while poking someone else? Because you didn't want to have sex when he wanted to have sex? I ask this earnestly. I understand that your life situation, emotional equilibrium, and so on, didn't perfectly align with his hopes, but I'm not sure that is "difficult." Ghosting, on the other hand, is being extraordinarily difficult and immature.

    Guess I feel like you're trying to get two feathers to equal the weight of a lead cannonball in order to rationalize being attracted to this guy.

    The other thing I'd just be mindful of is this idea that you guys share some rich history. You went to high school together, when he wanted to get with you. Over the years he poked. That's thin stuff, not deep stuff. Finally you hang out a handful of times. Nice times, deep talks. That is also thin stuff. Get on a dating app and you'll do that 2-12 times in a year, with the ones who ghost kind of announcing the very real limits to their depths.

    Just trying to protect you here. I get that you need to keep exploring this, and will, but I'm a believer that it's always best to see what we're exploring clearly.
    Things are okay now. But technically I ghosted first many times. There’d be times he’d “poke” and I’d play along for a while out of boredom knowing all well I had no intentions of going out on a date with him. I’ve made the lamest excuses and never gotten back with him. Just because someone is not interested in you from the start doesn’t mean it can’t happen over time. And that’s what happen to me. I feel horrible for blowing him off all this time and I can’t blame him for any kind of way he feels now. He’s since admitted to me that he took the advice of his brother to “leave that woman alone you’re going to get hurt.” This is a small town remember everyone knows everyone and his brother hangs in the same crowds as my ex fiancé so I’m sure he doesn’t have a good impression of me. We’re not together anymore because I cheated on him so I have that against me everyone knows about it. Even though there was more to that story than just me being a and a terrible person. My ex fiancé and I were off and on in the last year and during the time we were OFF I met this other guy and just didn’t exactly let go when we decided to get back ON for the kids (never do that).

  3. #43
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    As you mentioned word gets around in a small town. Perhaps his brother thinks of you as the town femme fatale, so people (men) stay away from you in general.
    Originally Posted by Honey2theB31
    the advice of his brother to “leave that woman alone you’re going to get hurt.” This is a small town remember everyone knows everyone and his brother hangs in the same crowds as my ex fiancé . We’re not together anymore because I cheated on him

  4. #44
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    As you mentioned word gets around in a small town. Perhaps his brother thinks of you as the town femme fatale, so people (men) stay away from you in general.
    That is true. Which is why it’s pointless to hop on some “dating apps” when the results are all going to be people I already know. If they’re too far away it won’t work out because not only will that person have to endure a long distance relationship, I have 2 kids also so its hard not to get in that desperate mind set of “I’ve got to make things work with what I’ve got.”

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