I need help.. living with ex!

So, I was with my ex partner for 3 and half years, they were good. I'm a lesbian and I thought she was too! She cheated on me a couple of times and I took her back. We recently moved into our new home (April) and got engaged in July.. by September she told me she didn't know if she wanted the relationship because she wanted to travel, so I ended it for her because I was tired of been messed around..

I ended up losing my job because of the problems at home.

She doesn't want to go back her mothers and I don't have somewhere to go to..

She has started to speak to another guy and recently slept with him the 1st time they met (last night) she says she is out of love with me and is now straight.. but yet still hasnt moved out. I'm just curious, if you really liked somebody why would you still want to live with your ex?? We only had sex 3 days ago and she was telling me how much she loved me and she hopes that she doesnt like him.. she was also upset when I met someone else before she met him (I met as friends and didnt do anything with this person) and she ended up saying she wanted to start again with me but now shes saying that this guy has picked up the pieces.. I mentioned around having a friend over and she went mad by saying this is her house and its disrespectful.. thoughts please? Does she really have this feeling towards this guy or is she just blocking out how she really feels?

I'm sorry for the hurt and confusion.

I don't think anyone can tell you what she feels. From what you've written, though, this all certainly sounds like a dramatic living situation, and general situation, that you'd be best exiting for the sake of your own feelings.

When you come to the table with "I'm living with my ex who is sleeping with someone and I'm all sorts of bent out about it" you are really limiting the pool of people who are going to be interested in you, or take you seriously. You may also be limiting your ability to take yourself seriously, which is the deeper cut.

Why not take this all as a sign that this has run its course, and then some, and that it's time to find a way to extricate yourself from it rather than try to figure out what she really feels? She's a woman who cheated on you multiple times, who is wishy-washy and self-centered, and who doesn't seem to offer you much more than emotional turbulence.

What, exactly, is the draw to all that?

She is leaving next Monday.. she has a house viewing, she could go back her mums for the time being but she won't..I've accepted it's over but I just wish she would respect what we had and wait to start something else with someone.

How much more disrespect are you going to tolerate? She has cheated on and lied to you repeatedly.

Move in with a friend or family.

She is leaving next Monday.. she has a house viewing, she could go back her mums for the time being but she won't..I've accepted it's over but I just wish she would respect what we had and wait to start something else with someone.

She never respected what you had, why should she now? You should have left after the first incident.

Meaning she is leaving leaving? Is the plan for you to live in the house alone? Is there a plan here?

It doesn't sound like she showed a lot of respect for what you had when you had it. She was unfaithful, topsy-turvy. To expect someone who behaved like that inside a relationship to treat it as holy once its over, while understandable, is not the best sort of hope to invest much energy into.

I wish I did but I was blinded by love

Meaning she is leaving leaving? Is the plan for you to live in the house alone? Is there a plan here?

 

It doesn't sound like she showed a lot of respect for what you had when you had it. She was unfaithful, topsy-turvy. To expect someone who behaved like that inside a relationship to treat it as holy once its over, while understandable, is not the best sort of hope to invest much energy into.

Yes she is leaving for good and I'm staying here

She never respected what you had, why should she now? You should have left after the first incident.

I wish I did. I was blinded by love

I wish I did but I was blinded by love

You need to love yourself.

She never respected what you had, why should she now? You should have left after the first incident.

You need to love yourself.

I agree. She got annoyed I wanted someone to come round for company tonight as shes gone out, called me disrespectful.

I think you’ve just got to get to next Monday. Maybe at a friend’s?

When things quiet down I’d try to reflect a bit more on the thing that “blinded” you. I’m not saying there wasn’t love here, but the blinding part? That’s often something else that might serve you better with a different label.

She never respected what you had, why should she now? You should have left after the first incident.

You need to love yourself.

I think you’ve just got to get to next Monday. Maybe at a friend’s?

 

When things quiet down I’d try to reflect a bit more on the thing that “blinded” you. I’m not saying there wasn’t love here, but the blinding part? That’s often something else that might serve you better with a different label.

She works nights anyway and is staying his house so I only see her in the day

I wouldn't go anywhere but that's personal preference/headspace or just ways of doing things. Is this a lease? Is your name on it? I'd start doing some mental math about your budget. You said you lost your job. I'd focus on your work situation and have an income before you go anywhere. If you do have a discreet friend you can spend some time with and really feel it's necessary to clear your mind, that's fine. I just personally wouldn't move right now with so much chaos everywhere. My mind would be working on creating or trying at least to re-establish some stability.

Stop having (female) friends over to antagonize the situation. You may be doing nothing wrong but instigating her into being suspicious of you is just unwise and not very smart. For as long as you're sharing the same roof and collecting your wits and resources about you, if I were you I would make very few moves and I'd be thinking a lot more. Socializing should be the last thing on your priority list right now. If she's moving, start tying up any loose ends with the paperwork and your tenancy and get her keys back. She shouldn't have further access to this home.

StokeCity - I've been in this game a loooong time and read thousands of stories here and other forums and I want to say this:

I know you can't see this right now but in the near future once you have healed and moved on (and you will), you are going to be SO glad you got the hell away from this mess of a woman!!

Very sorry. I say that with due respect but I stand by it.

In the meantime, get her out of there, get yourself a new, fun roomie to share the bills, and enjoy your new pad and freedom*

Regards

Carus.

She didn't respect what you had enough to stay faithful, OP. It therefore follows that she still doesn't respect what you had in the aftermath of a breakup.

You are going to be well rid of her. This relationship turned toxic and you need to move on.

Agree with others OP. She treated you very poorly. Get a big distance between both of you and keep it. Find someone who really loves you.

StokeCity - I've been in this game a loooong time and read thousands of stories here and other forums and I want to say this:

 

I know you can't see this right now but in the near future once you have healed and moved on (and you will), you are going to be SO glad you got the hell away from this mess of a woman!!

 

Very sorry. I say that with due respect but I stand by it.

 

In the meantime, get her out of there, get yourself a new, fun roomie to share the bills, and enjoy your new pad and freedom*

 

Regards

Carus.

I'm curious, why hasn't she gone back to her mothers, if she wants this new life with this guy..

It sounds to me like you are making light of your own actions.

You said you met someone “as friends” , what does that even mean?

Was that person a long time friend? I’m doubting because you said “as friends”

Your question as to why an ex would want to live with you?

Well she doesn’t . She is entitled to at least a month to move. However it seems she has already set the plans in motion to move so it might be sooner than you think.

She cheated on you in the past. You can’t not acknowledge the fact that you chose to stay with her despite that.

She didn’t respect you or your relationship. That’s true.

But for now at least she is being somewhat respectful by not bringing this guy into your home.

You however asked about bringing a “friend” into your home.

If this person was a friend then surely your gf of 3 yrs would know her.

So I am assuming this person is not a friend but a person of interest to you.

Out of respect , no , neither of you should be having “friends” over.

She is right in that.

Tell your “friend” you will go to hers or go out.

I understand you are hurt that the relationship is over , but you can be hurt and respectful or you can be hurt and vindictive. That actually is your choice.

Please choose the former. For your own dignity!

Ask her to move out and if you need financial help get a roommate. She is not right for you.

I ended up losing my job because of the problems at home.

She doesn't want to go back her mothers and I don't have somewhere to go to..

She has started to speak to another guy and recently slept with him.

I'm curious, why hasn't she gone back to her mothers, if she wants this new life with this guy..

To answer your question: Who cares!?

The sooner you can put some distance between you and her the better....!

Trust me (us) on this*

Carus*