Failure

If someone (during a bad break up) said to you, "When I look at you I see all of my failures." how would you take that? Just looking for opinions because it is still bothering me. Thank you!

That's someone else's problem, sounds like, either way, it's all the things combined that made the break up what it was, for whatever reasons.

In a nutshell I think that's what all break ups are, someone finally realized that they brought their ten peice luggage brim full of all of their crap, their mistakes in not growing up past certain events in their life, their desperation for a relationship to cover up their mistakes then realizing they're still the same person, making their same mistakes with other people.

You and whoever was before or after are just lessons for them, but good for you- you get to find a relationship now that'll suit you, not with someone who wants you to help carry their luggage, but someone who is actually interested in YOU.

Are you still talking to this creep? Are you still trying to be his 'friend' to get him back? Does he still have a gf?

It depends on who's saying it. If it's from your ex, it sounds like a cynical, sarcastic comment. Also known as a backhanded compliment. Sort of like "you think you're so good and have it together" type expression.

If the comment is from an outsider such as a friend, it sounds like the person saying it is envious of you, your life, what you have, no troubles and success. When comparing you to them, the person feels like an inadequate loser compared to your character and life in general.

If someone (during a bad break up) said to you, "When I look at you I see all of my failures." how would you take that? Just looking for opinions because it is still bothering me. Thank you!

I would see it as exposing what a nasty piece of work your ex is. There is no reason to say that to someone, in the context of a breakup, or at all.

I'd say - goodbye, and leave.

This person sounds tremendously sad and remorseful, to me. Since you mentioned this is a bad break up, OP, I'm guessing that it's not in mutual agreement. I'm sorry you're going through this.

I'd accept things as they are. There's nothing you can do or fix. Let it go. Don't drag out a break up even longer. Be respectful of each other and accept what is. What matters is that you continue living your best life and move forwards. Remember that all things pass.

Rose, he dumped her, then moved on to a women 12 years his junior, a couple of weeks later. He treated the OP terribly, yet she stuck around while he shared his relationship problems with her.

It's been almost a year of ruminating and being stuck. It may be time to see a doctor/therapist and get to the root of things.

My advice remains the same:https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560717&p=7145003&viewfull=1#post7145003

If someone (during a bad break up) said to you, "When I look at you I see all of my failures."

It's been almost a year of ruminating and being stuck. It may be time to see a doctor/therapist and get to the root of things.

 

My advice remains the same:https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=560717&p=7145003&viewfull=1#post7145003

I agree.....

I'd see that as an a hole loser trying to project his issues onto me while trying to make himself feel better and superior. Toxic, nasty, abusive, creepy. As others said, my reaction would be goodbye, good riddance, block, delete, never ever have any contact with that kind of a creepy low life again. Sane people do not say things like that, OP. Never ever ever.

Thank you everyone. I am starting therapy soon, it's just hard to get over some of the things that he said to me and sometimes it helps to hear different perspectives from a third party. I definitely took it as it being my fault for making him feel like a failure.

Have you gone no contact?

I haven't reached out to him. He still comments on my social media and posts things directed at me so I stopped using Facebook and viewing his social media.

Black hm. Stop allowing him to control you.

Why are you hanging on like this? Block and delete him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

He still comments on my social media and posts things directed at me.

Sounds like a load of huey from someone trying to throw blame for his own shortcomings.

Don't buy it.

I definitely took it as it being my fault for making him feel like a failure.

Nah. Let that stuff go. Take care of yourself and enjoy the finer things. If you don't get along, you don't get along. Be honest with yourself and accept new influences and change, make better changes that give you room to grow in positive ways.

I’m sorry you are going

Thanks everybody. I'm doing better but it's hard when you still love/miss someone and are also dealing with the guilt from the relationship ending.