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I met his co-workers, need advice


PiscesDream5

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Hi everyone! I need some advice in regard to the guy I am seeing and was hoping someone could help.

 

So I have been seeing someone I met from a dating app for 2 months. On our first date I asked him what he was looking for on the app and he told me he didn't know. He said had recently got out of a 6 year relationship about 5 months ago. We went on many more dates, some outside and some at his place.

 

He's very affectionate and shows affection to me outside in public as much as he does indoors. Last Friday I was waiting for him to finish work outside the train station, as that's our usual meeting spot during the weekday. It was very cold that day so he called me and told me that he wanted me to come to his office and wait a little while until he finished. He has asked me to wait for him outside his office once, but never inside.

 

Once I got there he told me that he wanted to show me his desk and also get me a drink in the kitchen area. His co-workers saw me with him in the kitchen/lounge area and he introduced me to them. I sat and talked with one of his co-workers that he works very closely with on projects while he finished up his work for quite a while. Right before we left to go on our date, he then showed me his desk area.

 

What was the point of having me wait at his office where his co-workers could see me? I could have easily waited at a Starbucks nearby. Any input would be helpful, thanks!

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It seems he was just bringing you out of the cold or collecting you like a lost pet. It's inappropriate of you to wait around for him before a date. It seems it wasn't a short 5 minutes for example as you said it was "quite awhile". How long did you wait for him?

 

Next time something like this comes up, reschedule and meet at another time. You're a bit of a doormat.

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Ok have the exclusive talk. Particularly if he continues to be nebulous. Why not meet in a decent place next time? Ask him to text if he is going to be late. Also does he come to your area or do you go to his?

 

No, meeting coworkers does not mean anything, except that you should plan better dates and not wait around if he's chronically late like that. Try to communicate more clearly and make sure you're not waiting around for him all the time.

 

Have you been to his home? It sounds like he may still be in contact with his ex so be very careful with this guy.

I have been seeing someone I met from a dating app for 2 months. On our first date I asked him what he was looking for on the app and he told me he didn't know.

What was the point of having me wait at his office where his co-workers could see me?

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I wouldn't read into it this much if I were you. He didn't want you to shiver out in the cold so he did the polite thing by asking you to wait indoors where it was warm. It's more convenient than having to walk to Starbucks and wait there all by yourself.

 

He's not embarrassed by you in front of his colleagues so consider it a compliment. Just remain discreet and all is ok. Not to worry!

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It seems he was just bringing you out of the cold or collecting you like a lost pet. It's inappropriate of you to wait around for him before a date. It seems it wasn't a short 5 minutes for example as you said it was "quite awhile". How long did you wait for him?

 

Next time something like this comes up, reschedule and meet at another time. You're a bit of a doormat.

 

To clarify what I meant was that I was only waiting by the train station for 5 minutes before he called me and told me that he had some last minute work to finish and he wanted me to come the office. He told me it would take 30 minutes to finish his work while I was there. It was close to 40 minutes that I spent inside of his office with him.

 

Usually we always meet at the appointed time, he has never made me wait on him. I finish work at 5pm and we meet at 6pm when he finishes work.

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To clarify what I meant was that I was only waiting by the train station for 5 minutes before he called me and told me that he had some last minute work to finish and he wanted me to come the office. He told me it would take 30 minutes to finish his work while I was there. It was close to 40 minutes that I spent inside of his office with him.

 

Usually we always meet at the appointed time, he has never made me wait on him. I finish work at 5pm and we meet at 6pm when he finishes work.

 

Well, it's done though and that time has passed. You won't get back that 40 minutes waiting for him and if you enjoyed yourself, there's no harm in it. If you dislike that sort of thing I'd set it straight now rather than carrying on waiting for him in the office while he finishes up his work in the future. Dating should set the tone for things later on down the line. Remember that you're not agreeing to anything just to make someone like you. You're agreeing (or disagreeing) because you are letting the other person know what you're about and where you stand. It's part of the getting to know you process and seeing whether you as people or whether your lives (time etc) are compatible.

 

As far as what it means meeting his coworkers, it could be as mindless and selfish as him just needing to get some work done (with little regard to you). I wouldn't read into it. I'd focus more on how you feel about it and whether you think it's something you are ok with going forward if it happens again.

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Ok have the exclusive talk. Particularly if he continues to be nebulous. Why not meet in a decent place next time? Ask him to text if he is going to be late. Also does he come to your area or do you go to his?

 

No, meeting coworkers does not mean anything, except that you should plan better dates and not wait around if he's chronically late like that. Try to communicate more clearly and make sure you're not waiting around for him all the time.

 

Have you been to his home? It sounds like he may still be in contact with his ex so be very careful with this guy.

 

This is the first time I had to wait on him, usually we always meet at the appointmented time. I only waited for 5 minutes before he called and told me to come to his office, since he had a few more things he had to finish up.

 

I have been to his house many times. I slept over the first time this past Sunday, even though he has always offered for me to stay over each time I was there.

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Is what you're really wondering here about his feelings for you, his intentions, how "serious" he is about all this? I just can't help but feel like you're reading into this moment because you have some questions, and possibly some doubts, in your mind that are swirling as your feelings expand.

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I can't really understand what your issue is here -that he was delayed? That he chose to have you wait at his office (was this a last minute work thing that came up where he couldn't tell you in advance he'd be running late?). I wouldn't read into it - at most he messed up the timing and came up with an alternate plan that seemed to make sense and kept you out of the cold. Do both of you have jobs that really end at that precise time, all the time -you never have to stay late if something comes up (almost all of my jobs didn't allow me to clock out at a specific time if my work wasn't done or if something came up, same with almost everyone I dated so flexibility was required at times).

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I can't really understand what your issue is here -that he was delayed? That he chose to have you wait at his office (was this a last minute work thing that came up where he couldn't tell you in advance he'd be running late?). I wouldn't read into it - at most he messed up the timing and came up with an alternate plan that seemed to make sense and kept you out of the cold. Do both of you have jobs that really end at that precise time, all the time -you never have to stay late if something comes up (almost all of my jobs didn't allow me to clock out at a specific time if my work wasn't done or if something came up, same with almost everyone I dated so flexibility was required at times).

 

I don't have an issue with the fact that he was delayed. My question comes from the fact that originally he planned for us to stay in the lounge on another floor where none of his co-workers were to finish his work. Then he decided to have us stay in his office area where all of his co-workers are. I didn't understand what the point of that was. I guess i'm seeing it differently because if I was unsure of what I was looking for and was seeing someone I would not have them inside of my workplace for them to meet my co-workers. I was just trying to get varying opinions, it could mean nothing as some have stated.

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I guess i'm seeing it differently because if I was unsure of what I was looking for and was seeing someone I would not have them inside of my workplace for them to meet my co-workers.

 

So this is the gist, yeah?

 

You're 60 days in and your understanding of his intentions remains what he said on his first date. If you're curious how he feels, why not talk about it? That's pretty good sleepover convo. Doesn't have to feel like negotiating a global arms treaty, but it might be less nervy that turning moments like this into a hieroglyphics that may provide an alternate to "don't know what I'm looking for."

 

Do you like this guy? Do you get the sense that he likes you? Do you have a sense of what you'd like, after some time getting to know him?

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So this is the gist, yeah?

 

You're 60 days in and your understanding of his intentions remains what he said on his first date. If you're curious how he feels, why not talk about it? That's pretty good sleepover convo. Doesn't have to feel like negotiating a global arms treaty, but it might be less nervy that turning moments like this into a hieroglyphics that may provide an alternate to "don't know what I'm looking for."

 

Do you like this guy? Do you get the sense that he likes you? Do you have a sense of what you'd like, after some time getting to know him?

 

I like him, he seems like he likes me. He messages me everyday and he literally acts like a boyfriend whenever we're together. There have been times though where he looks like something is on his mind or he wants to say something and I asked him what he was thinking/feeling. He always tells me that it's nothing. I'm not rushing to put a label on things, but it was a bit confusing.

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I like him, he seems like he likes me. He messages me everyday and he literally acts like a boyfriend whenever we're together. There have been times though where he looks like something is on his mind or he wants to say something and I asked him what he was thinking/feeling. He always tells me that it's nothing. I'm not rushing to put a label on things, but it was a bit confusing.

 

I wouldn't read into it, save for evidence that you are becoming confused.

 

Earmark it as a reminder that a conversation might be worth having, at least if you continue to find yourself wondering about how he is "acting" without being sure what he is thinking or feeling. I get the sense that what you are confused about is that a guy who "doesn't know what he is looking for" is now "acting like a boyfriend." Probably best, for you, to see about bridging those two islands at some point.

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I like him, he seems like he likes me. He messages me everyday and he literally acts like a boyfriend whenever we're together. There have been times though where he looks like something is on his mind or he wants to say something and I asked him what he was thinking/feeling. He always tells me that it's nothing. I'm not rushing to put a label on things, but it was a bit confusing.

 

It's fine not to want a "label" just for the sake of a label - but do you want what a label would reflect -that he is exclusive with you, sees potential for a future, is not looking to date anyone else and would like you to stop looking to date anyone else? If so then I would decide how long you would stay with him if he never wanted to be exclusive with you. Right now he is not -he acts like he likes you, he stays in touch by text, he "acts like" a boyfriend - but of course your post shows that you don't have that comfy secure feeling because at least if he expressed that he wants to be exclusive with you there wouldn't be guarantees but now not only are there no guarantees, he is free to date others without letting you know/breaking things off.

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If you were ANYONE waiting for me, sibling, parents, tennis partner, i would ask you to come in from the cold. Don't read too much into it. Just know that he is not "hiding" you from anyone. It means that he is a decent guy and treated you as a decent human being. next time don't meet immediately after work, meet a little later for dinner or something so you both have time to finish up work and get ready for a date.

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I don't have an issue with the fact that he was delayed. My question comes from the fact that originally he planned for us to stay in the lounge on another floor where none of his co-workers were to finish his work. Then he decided to have us stay in his office area where all of his co-workers are. I didn't understand what the point of that was. I guess i'm seeing it differently because if I was unsure of what I was looking for and was seeing someone I would not have them inside of my workplace for them to meet my co-workers. I was just trying to get varying opinions, it could mean nothing as some have stated.

 

Something came up and he had to work a little longer on something before going on a date, then all good, as long as it is something that doesn't happen regularly, which you say it's not. It's cold outside, come wait inside. Considerate, sounds okay to me. Then your mind goes crazy..> Why did he, why did he, why why why... leave you there for all his co-workers to see. Perhaps as some have said to show of this cute girl he is dating?

 

But here is the important part. You decided to stay there, uncomfortable and then come online to question his motives. Sure, you could have gone to wait in Starbucks, but did he have to suggest that? Or, do you have the nouse to maybe feel uncomfortable with his workmates around and excuse yourself and go to starbucks anyway?

 

 

I like him, he seems like he likes me. He messages me everyday and he literally acts like a boyfriend whenever we're together. There have been times though where he looks like something is on his mind or he wants to say something and I asked him what he was thinking/feeling. He always tells me that it's nothing. I'm not rushing to put a label on things, but it was a bit confusing.

 

Guys think about stuff, and the majority of it is not about his feelings for you, or about you at all. He could be thinking about the sandwich he had yesterday and planning when he could have it again. He could be thinking about his sports team having won or lost. That it's his best mate's birthday in a month and he's looking forward to the party, or perhaps he really has to fart and is trying to figure out how he can excuse himself to do that.

 

When a girl then asks, what are you thinking about, it really is nothing. Most men know when a girl is asking something along those lines, she is wondering if he is thinking about her.

 

Chill out. Try not to think so much. Have fun. He sounds like he is worth dating.

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I appreciate all of your advice! As I stated before I am not bothered at all by the fact that I had to be around his co-workers and wait for him.

 

The reason it seemed confusing to me is the fact that he has lied to me once when we had just started seeing each other. We had gone out on two dates and he told me that he was going away on a business trip to Chicago for a week and told me what day he would be back. He messaged me all throughout his trip and told me again the exact day he would be back because he wanted to see me the next day.

 

I found out through his Instagram that he was back in NYC a day before he claimed he would be back and yet he was messaging me telling me that he was still in Chicago. I never told him how I found out, but I kept asking him if he was sure he wasn't home when I saw him the next day. Eventually he told me that yes he was back, but the only reason he didn't want to tell me is because he went to an event with a female friend of his. We had only gone on 2 dates so I don't know why he felt the need to lie. I was already dealing with trust issues before that happened.

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No need to get all fancy with "trust issues" - he told you who he is, he lies. And it was a stupid lie - of course you were bound to find out. So that is why you're putting all this stuff under a microscope. Because right away his first impression is he lied about where he was multiple times. Sounds exhausting now to have to wonder/monitor "Ok now is he telling me the truth?" You decided to keep seeing him so it's on you -is it worth the stress hormones/potential stomachache/headache/sleepless nights to date this guy? No he wasn't cheating at all by going on a date -all he had to say was that he was back from his trip and were you available on a particular day. Didn't have to be the very next day of course.

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