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Thread: In love with a professional?

  1. #1
    Gold Member Johnny Utah's Avatar
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    In love with a professional?

    I know this sounds stupid, but hear me out. Professional is code for escort.

    I met her almost 1.5 years ago. She's 15 years my junior. As soon as I saw her, she took my breath away, but I am told she has that effect. I have seen her 14 times, a few hours each time. There are a ton of uncompensated time and that includes a 3 day weekend getaway. I pretty much have a 50% discount and a free weekend trip. She is really successful and seems to care for more than just finances though.

    I understand that emotions can be the nature of the experience but feelings do get in the way. She said those 3 words first during coitus so that doesn't count to me, but I can't help but feel it every time. It did get me thinking about what she might be feeling. She planted the seed, you can say. Or maybe her unconscious brain did. I haven't said it directly (in passing), but my actions do show it (gifts, detailed emails, initiating everything, cooking, being thoughtful, etc...)

    I know it's not really real, because it's not a real relationship. But something is there. It's not my loneliness because I am not often lonely and really comfortable with my life. I haven't participated in endeavors with escorts much since. I don't seem to want anybody else. There's just no intimacy with anybody else and I don't put enough energy into online dating b/c they aren't her. I wouldn't even see anybody else if she was always available but she is booked months ahead.

    But I don't know if I am projecting my feelings. I know there is something holding me and her back. I am the one initiating and communicating (although part of her job to respect privacy). She lives away from me and travels for work often. I have learned that you need to trust more than words, feelings and go to the actions. The problem is, there is a little bit of truth in all of those areas. Plus, there's this level of attraction that is insane in my brain when we're together. She acknowledges it too.

    You may say it's just physical, but to me it's her heart that I am most attracted to. The little things, the sounds, touch, laugh and character: she is brave, smart, spontaneous and fun. We have lots in common and share similar likes and dislikes.

    I just wonder how real my feelings are. I feel that they are but I don't want to be vulnerable. She's a professional though and I first brought the idea of "us" when she had a boyfriend but she's been single for half a year. A few times I've communicated something in writing our shared experience and her replies tend to be brief. Of course, she stopped it the first time and I haven't been as direct since.

    I don't think I'm asking for advice but opinion and just to write things down. I feel like I am going to do whatever because I don't want to regret doing nothing, but I don't think she will accept something more because of lifestyle, age or maybe the attraction isn't real enough (or at all). Perhaps that's my pessimism.

    It may be all or nothing because she may not want to move forward and cutting ties may be easier for her. I also feel that she is unlikely to do this, and this factors into me taking this risk. I'd estimate a less than 10% of succeeding for something more, a 20% of a FWB type thing, and I'm not sure about quitting completely or what the other options are.

    I know there are boundaries and they are blurring since the uncompensated weekend getaway, but I think I need to know for sure and then never push it again.

    I know that I would do almost anything for her.

    Thank you for reading.

  2. #2
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    Is this a serious post?

    I think you should cut off seeing this escort. This is not healthy.

    YOUR feelings might be real, but hers are likely not. She is sleeping with and entertaining others as well, JMHO.
    just because someone has real feelings doesn't mean they are aprorpriate feelings, ie,. falling for your teacher or someone married. This is when your head has to join up with this and get real. her income relies on creating a fantasy for you.

    If she had true feelings, she would have ended your professional relationship instead of the discount and "complimentary" stuff and would have found another career. None of that has happened.

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    A few times I've communicated something in writing our shared experience and her replies tend to be brief. Of course, she stopped it the first time and I haven't been as direct since.

    here is your answer. If she was interested in you, she would have expressed it after her boyfriend was out of the picture. you are kidding yourself. She is not your great love. She may have offered discounts because you are such a frequent customer that charging full price might feel as if she was using you. If she were, and you were part of her real life, it would be way different from the fantasy world of intimate evenings.... SHe is a glorifed prostitute - and i am sure that pushing your buttons emotionally is not out of realm.

    If she wanted to leave it behind, she wouldn't date one of her customers, she would make a fresh start

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She's good at her job because she's good at keeping people/clients hooked and coming back. Unfortunately you're one of them. Most people have to cut off relationships that aren't rewarding or are imbalanced due to incompatibilities. The extra unfortunate thing about you is that you are not just wasting time on a go-nowhere "relationship", you're also wasting your money as you seem to have forgotten what this relationship is in the first place. It's not a romantic relationship. It's a business transaction.

    You referenced the uncompensated weekend several times. Do you want to go into that more and what it might mean to you? It seems you're hanging on to this weekend as a justification for something more on her part. You might benefit from going over your misunderstandings and how you feel about those interactions, why this feels so blurry and unidentified and confusing to you.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    "I know it's not really real, because it's not a real relationship."

    Precisely.

    This is her job, her profession:

    "A talented escort offers a physical, emotional, mental and spiritual connection. An escort hones her emphatic abilities so the experience is genuine. She relates to you in a way where you feel fulfilled in many different ways "



    Many men do not understand how expensive it is to become the exclusive client. She has to be compensated for having to refrain from cultivating other clients.

    Just a few thoughts.

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    You found the right forum to write this post.. lol

    Kidding aside, she is an escort. They are humans as well so sometimes maybe there is real chemistry etc etc. 98% it's not though. Even if your case belongs to the remaining 2% it doesn't mean anything. She won't act based on her feelings.

    Last but not least, clever escorts have mastered their communication/seduction/acting skills. All her clients find her amazing, goodhearted, hot, intelligent etc etc. Be sure about that.

    Bottom line is, it's not worth, just sever yourself.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    I know that I would do almost anything for her.
    She really does have you hooked doesn't she?

    You could always ask her of course. The likelihood is that what you are sensing is simply her doing what she does with every client and that once she finds out you want more, she will cut the relationship off.

    Or you don't brooch the subject and continue to pay for her services and enjoy her company.

    Is there a 2% chance that she feels that way? Sure.... but highly unlikely.

  9. #8
    Gold Member Johnny Utah's Avatar
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    I know everybody is correct.

    I think the confusion lies in the fact that I need a clear boundary. I need to hear another no for some reason.

    I'm not asking about her leaving her job or anything that normal people do. I'm already not normal enough by participating in these activities. I also know her ex she met during her work, so it is possible.

    I do feel the no for sure. I just feel like I need to hear it. Is it the whole closure and acceptance thing? Maybe. I thought I was over it. But I guess that's the part of me that's broken.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You're dating a hooker!

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Johnny Utah
    I know everybody is correct.

    I think the confusion lies in the fact that I need a clear boundary. I need to hear another no for some reason.

    I'm not asking about her leaving her job or anything that normal people do. I'm already not normal enough by participating in these activities. I also know her ex she met during her work, so it is possible.

    I do feel the no for sure. I just feel like I need to hear it. Is it the whole closure and acceptance thing? Maybe. I thought I was over it. But I guess that's the part of me that's broken.
    Acceptance comes before closure. And no one "gives" you closure. When my ex walked out, i didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye, to find out any reason for leaving at all. But in time, i accepted that he was gone for good, it was over and the closure was that he walked out the door and never returned my calls. The door closed.

    The only way this will happen for you is for you to turn down offers for "complimentary weekends" and discounts and stop seeing her altogether.
    its space and time that will help you with acceptance and closure. She will never flat out reject you because she will lose a customer if she does. Stop calling her. If you do that, i bet it will be very clear that she won't call you. It might help you for yourself to write out on paper for your eyes only about how you feel -- how you no that this is not right - that she doesn't really love you, etc, and it might become clearer for you.

    Maybe its time to admit that you want something more than meeting an escort? Something deep down in you wants a real connection with someone who is not an escort?

    Boundaroes are what we set for ourselves, not about someone else rejecting us. Set a boundary for yourself - whether that means you are now a man that does not cross the line of hiring escorts because he sees value in himself., or something else. And don't cross it

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