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Thread: Ever gotten back with your ex-girlfriend after begging and pleading for 2 weeks?

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    Ever gotten back with your ex-girlfriend after begging and pleading for 2 weeks?

    I have posted before with a longer recap of how my breakup went. In the span of the first two weeks of the breakup, I was in contact with her 7 times about getting back together. She rejected every single time, getting more angry every single time. At one point she had blocked me, and I still managed to contact her one time after that. In retrospect, it was all pathetic and made me look bad. It was all out of emotion and shock. Now I am a bit over a week in NC, but I am still having a really rough time. Does anyone have any reconciliation stories of begging and pleading the amount I did or more and still having it work out? I love her, I recognize the mistakes I made, and I am working on myself to amend those mistakes so they do not happen again in the future. I plan on reaching out after two months of NC, but I am not even sure if that is the right time to try and clear the air. We had planned on getting married and spending the rest of out lives together, so it just makes everything so much harder. We were together for a year. I just wish she could forgive me and I can have a chance to show her that I have changed for the better. But I fear I blew it and that its over for good.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What mistakes were those? You dated 44 weeks and much of that was with either her or you being away. Consider that you drifted apart, unless those mistakes were that egregious.

    My advice remains the same:[Register to see the link]
    Originally Posted by Saddumpedguy
    I recognize the mistakes I made, and I am working on myself to amend those mistakes so they do not happen again in the future

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    I mean we were only away for each other for 12 weeks. And we kept in touch everyday. We were normal as soon as we came back together.

    My mistakes were being controlling, bad at taking criticism, being passive when upset, having a big ego, and I would pressure her to make decisions. I realized all these things after the breakup, and I am working on every single one of these issues that drove her away.

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    I read and participated in your previous thread, OP. I'm sorry it's been such a rough time for you.

    Begging and pleading certainly didn't help your case. It makes you look disrespectful and selfish, to be very blunt, because it completely overrides her feelings and right to choose whom she dates. I don't think you're selfish person in general, nor that you had any malicious intent - you just really need to learn to respect someone's boundaries, even if they make choices you don't agree with.

    Having said that, it wasn't the begging and pleading which ended the relationship. So even if she got past that image of you and realized it was down to emotional shock, the underlying problems which led her to call it off still exist. Getting over your emotional reaction is thus really only a small part of the equation here.

    It hurts to break up. It sucks when we realize the future we thought we would have isn't going to be. But you can learn from this and apply the lessons in a future relationship, even if it's not with her.

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    I know everything I did was selfish. I should have given her the space she needed the second she broke up with me. I have learned a lot from this experience, but I am just not ready to let go, especially since the issues that caused the break-up seem to be amendable. The biggest issue I am having is figuring out how long to give her space and in what way to reach out. I could have probably reached out after a month had I not caused the done the begging and pleading for two weeks. I have hurt her, and I at least want to apologize for the way I acted and let her have a chance at seeing the new me. What makes things so much worse is that we have the exact same friend circle, so it is hard to go hang out without making things hard for every one else. So I at least want the opportunity to clear the air in that sense,

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Sorry you're hurting.

    No one in your shoes likes hearing this, but the only way back together is to let go. And here's the catch: at that point it doesn't matter if your next relationship is with your ex or, the more likely outcome, someone new.

    This chapter you're in right now—the emotional pleading, followed by a whisper of no contact—is just noise. It's the smoke settling after the bomb. You can be the most graceful of dudes, or the most cringe-inducing, and it really doesn't move the needle. Over is over is over.

    You have to process that first, fully. That means feeling what you need to feel, reflecting on what you need to reflect on, and reclaiming your identity as more than some binary idea that you are full (with her) or empty (without). Because so long as you are looking to her or any woman as the the thing to fill you up—or cure your hurt—you are on a path where romantic sustainability is next to impossible. That's not love or connection, even if those feelings are mixed in there. It's asking someone to soothe your ego.

    Everyone I know who has gotten back together and made it work—four married couples, all with kids, in my circle—did so after significant space. Not weeks, not a 60 day countdown programmed into an iPhone, not a battle plan laid out in a desert tent or conceived of over the internet, but real time and space. Years. Years during which they lived and loved and went long, long stretches without even thinking about their ex, let alone being consumed by the pain of it all, as you are right now. I've known people who have jumped back into things a week or a few months later because they couldn't stand being alone as well, but that was just lighting another fuse to the old bomb. The rumble came again soon enough. Did that myself once.

    So, what to do? Well, you do you. You can long for her and dream of her, and think there's a future, but alongside that you have to let go. Zen stuff, right there. But it's good stuff. It's letting go so you can be in the present, and, in the present, make room for whatever the future holds. You can't create the future in your brain, and you can't manipulate an idea of it into being. You've got to live. Whoever you are with is not going to want to be with a man who stopped living, you know? That includes her.

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    I only ever broke up with an EX & tried to get back together once. It was a disaster. We dated for almost 2 years. Broke up for 3 months & got back together. It lasted about month. It was awful because it was such a mere shadow of what it had been. We were both walking on egg shells. There was no love just fear.

    Going backwards in life is rarely a good idea.

    Some of what you pointed out went wrong is big stuff. You will take years to mature & not be like that. A few weeks is not enough time to change & there is too much water under this bridge.

    Of the people I know who broke up in HS or college when they were young & got back together a minimum of 2 YEARS passed to allow them to grow up.

    For now, go NC. Focus on your healing & growth.

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    Silver Member Camber 2019's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear you are feeling so badly. It takes time to heal.

    But please, for your own self respect... pleading and begging will do NOTHING if she has made her decision to break up (and she has).

    Once a person decides to let go, it is over... you would have just as much success pleading and begging with a rock on the sidewalk for her to come back.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Saddumpedguy
    I know everything I did was selfish. I should have given her the space she needed the second she broke up with me. I have learned a lot from this experience, but I am just not ready to let go, especially since the issues that caused the break-up seem to be amendable. The biggest issue I am having is figuring out how long to give her space and in what way to reach out. I could have probably reached out after a month had I not caused the done the begging and pleading for two weeks. I have hurt her, and I at least want to apologize for the way I acted and let her have a chance at seeing the new me. What makes things so much worse is that we have the exact same friend circle, so it is hard to go hang out without making things hard for every one else. So I at least want the opportunity to clear the air in that sense,
    It's so hard. Been in your shoes more than once.

    Tough thing about the above paragraph? It begins with the recognition of your selfishness, before proceeding along self-serving lines. Break it down the core and what do you have? You have you wanting her to make you feel better—by making amends, by seeing (and validating) the "new" you, and so on. It's kind of all about you, still.

    And that's okay. You're the only you you'll ever have, and right now you hurt. Big hugs, friend. What you do wit the hurt will become who you are. Be bigger than the hurt, not smaller, and you grow into a bigger person.

    Will she ever see that guy? Maybe, maybe not. Being big means both of those are okay. Apologize to her in your head, respect the space, and trust that if an "air clearing" moment is on the horizon—in two weeks, two months, two years—it's not going to come because you squeezed the wheel with white-knuckles.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Let her go, OP. At this point I would ask myself (if I were you) whether I am doing it to prove a point to her/myself/the universe. The message is loud and clear from her: she does not want to be with you or hear from you. You're bordering on harassment continuing to contact her or wish for any contact from her. You're not listening to her now which makes me wonder whether you ever listened to her in the first place during the relationship.

    Learn from your mistakes (listen!) and don't go backwards. Whether you feel the mistakes are amenable or not is not the issue anymore. The issue is facing the facts and learning to let go because it takes two and right now, there's a party of one. It's time to let go.

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