Begging and pleading are GIGANTIC turnoffs. Don't EVER do this again. No she doesn't want you back and will never.
Begging and pleading are GIGANTIC turnoffs. Don't EVER do this again. No she doesn't want you back and will never.
Amendable to you, but not for her. Sometimes there is no going back when the relationship has been so fraught with issues that you lose romantic interest. I have been there, and once I was done, I was done. I didn't have any interest in seeing how my ex had apparently changed; emotionally, I was already gone and not coming back. In other words, those promises to change often come far too late.Originally Posted by Saddumpedguy
Figuring how long to wait to contact her is rather moot, since she has been clear she does not want to be in touch. Believe that, and respect it. Whether you try to reach out in 30 days or 60 days or 5 months isn't likely to make any significant difference in terms of chances of reconciliation. When someone truly wants a relationship to be over, how long No Contact goes on isn't relevant.
In one word, no.
The closest thing I have seen is a guy (let's call him Ed) who managed to wear down my friend (a girl, let's call her Mary) with persistence over the course of a year, but that was in the courtship phase. Ed put Mary on a pedestal, worshiped the ground she walked on, treated her like a princess, bought her gifts etc... To my surprise, Mary relented and gave Ed a chance, even though she had said that she did not find him attractive. She said Ed made her laugh, made her feel loved and mostly, she was touched by his dedication.
They dated for about a year and then Mary broke up Ed anyway. Ed was devastated, he had planned his life around her, but in the end, there was no mutual attraction, no spark at the beginning of the relationship, which was never balanced to begin with. Everybody thought it was doomed, and sadly for Ed, we were right.
Mary is now happily married to somebody else. I lost contact with Ed, I wonder if he regrets his Disney movie-like pursuit of Mary.
Originally Posted by Saddumpedguy
Well, two months is hardly enough time to correct those mistakes, whether you begged or not. When you actually have grown and matured, that's when you know it's OK to reach out. Not a moment before.
What are you actually doing, other than biding your time? How are you actively and visibly working on yourself?
Looking back, the times I have reconciled with an ex, I learned a valuable lesson. We broke up the first time for a reason. Those reasons still existed and after a certain period of time and good behavior, we reverted right back to same patterns.
I wish I could have some of that valuable time back, but I guess I wouldn't have learned the lesson.
I know there are some happy endings. But not many and not when one person finds themselves in a place where they've lowered themselves to begging.
Had a girlfriend for a year. We weren’t exclusive. She wanted to be, but I was young and free!
I’d been open about seeing other women. She had been seeing another dude but secretly so. She ambushed me once at my place to tell me she was seeing someone else for months and she was finished with me. I was devestated. I cried. I begged. She only grew colder and at times even vengeful. Describing what it was like having sex with someone else while the man she loved (me) frolicked and fornicated and everything else, all for the sake of her self confidence.
Two weeks later she said she was moving out of state with this new guy. He was actually an old male orbiter and former FWB who’d decided she was his true love. We met to say goodbye to one another and I suddenly changed my tone. I had a very vivid image in my head of the lustful sins I would be committing that evening with another girl in my life, I realized I was going to be alright, and I told this woman that she can do what she wants but I’ll obviously be fine. I told her I deserved to have been humbled by this news she had another guy, that I would offer monogamy if she wanted, but that she knew what my night was going to look like and I’d be fine. Have fun on your trip. Want to call me when you miss me? Good luck. Better hope I’m in a good mood to answer. I was an arrogant manipulator when I was 21.
Suddenly she changed her tone. She saw me again. Not the begging piss ant. Not the desperate fool pissing in the wind. And she asked if I would come over and hang out a while so we could talk... Fast forward to today and we were together ten years and married for five. As the foundations were truly suspect from the beginning, obviously, we probably should’ve let go in that moment on that fateful day. But demonstrating strength and being able to walk away is typically the only chance you have at saving dignity and, subsequently, your value in your lady’s eyes. Being so brash or dramatic might have mitigated returns, but owning the issue and returning to yourself is very important in resetting perceptions.
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