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Thread: Was in a relationship for 8 yrs and he recently told me was seeing another woman

  1. #1

    Was in a relationship for 8 yrs and he recently told me was seeing another woman

    hi, was in a relationship for 8 years and I was recently told he is seeing someone else and totally left me devastated. The person he is involved with is 39 and he is 56. She has a 7 year old child. Can a relationship with a 17 year age difference last??? What could they possibly have in common??

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm really sorry about this.

    I think there are harder questions to be asking than whether their relationship will last, or what it's built on. I would instead ask if you have any interest remaining connected to a man who treated you like this, come up with a firm answer, and then step in the direction in which that answer points you.

    It is moments like this in life that therapists can be wonderful for. When your car breaks down, you don't try to fix it with tape and bubble gum; you take it to a mechanic. Therapists are mechanics for the head and heart.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Cheating and triangulating you, aka the high of lying, sneaking around, duping you, etc.

    Do yourself a favor - do you really want to be with someone who will betray you like that? No, right? Remove him from your life with extreme prejudice and don't even bother looking back on that. It's completely irrelevant what he sees in her or what the age difference is or who she is, etc. It's not about her, it's not about you - it's about the fact that this man enjoys cheating and lying and harming people. He put your health at risk when he started dipping his stick elsewhere. Hope you are getting tested for STD's. He has NO reason to cheat, zero, nothing nada. You are just dating, you aren't married, there are no small children to consider, etc. There are no difficult decisions here other than if he simply wanted to be a decent human, if he had lost love or interest in you, he could have done the decent thing and ended the relationship. He didn't because for cheaters that's not what it's about. It's about fooling you and harming you. Wrap your head around that and do it fast and then tell me, do you want that kind of a low life in your life? Get angry, do not lower yourself to a cat fight over a cheating loser. This is NOT a prize you ever want to win. It's stinking toxic garbage you take out to the trash while wearing a hazmat suit.

  4. #4
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    I'm sorry that this happened.

    I think you should be focusing on the fact that he is a cheater and a liar. You would never be able to trust this man again-if he returned- and for good reason. He no longer loves or respects you, and you deserve a hell of a lot better.

    Has he cheated before?

    Get tested!

    Start the process of moving on. Block and delete.

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    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Brokenheart.

    This is not the point here:

    "Can a relationship with a 17 year age difference last???" Nor does it matter, at all, what they might have or not have in common.

    I can only echo what the other posters have just advised, in particular what DancingFool says.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How long ago did things end? Was he cheating? Were you living together? Who told you he is seeing someone? Their ages do not matter, what matters is that it's over and what the circumstances were.
    Originally Posted by Brokenheart8
    was in a relationship for 8 years and I was recently told he is seeing someone else and totally left me devastated. The person he is involved with is 39 and he is 56.

  8. #7
    He broke my heart in a million pieces, the worst part is that I left my husband because of him. All the talks that we were soul mates, we are perfect together, he loves me as he never loved another woman and I believed all that garbage......I took a break for a few months of no contact to concentrate on me and my feelings and when I saw him a few months later, that's when he told me he was seeing someone else. I literally threw up. I can't eat, sleep, concentrate....lost over 16 pounds in the course of 2 months.....I'm still devastated. Saw him the other night and told him I still loved him, his response "thank you"!!! I know I need help in getting through this and will be seeing a therapist next week. I hope that at some point and hopefully soon, she'll dump hi and he can experience the pain he inflicted on me.....

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How long ago did things end? Therapy is an excellent idea. Do you still have contact with your husband regarding kids?
    Originally Posted by Brokenheart8
    I left my husband because of him.
    I took a break for a few months of no contact to concentrate on me and my feelings
    I saw him a few months later, that's when he told me he was seeing someone else.
    I know I need help in getting through this and will be seeing a therapist next week.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    BH.

    This kind of attitude is counterproductive and doesn't lead anywhere good.

    "I hope that at some point and hopefully soon, she'll dump hi and he can experience the pain he inflicted on me....."

    Could I ask at this juncture how your marriage breakup went and how your ex-husband felt when you left him for this man? Is there some reason why in the course of eight years you and this man did not marry?

    He sold you a story back then BH, and I suppose the outcome is not all that surprising.

    "the worst part is that I left my husband because of him"


    Indeed. Another issue you will also have to work through.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I'm confused.

    Are you saying that he cheated on you, or that he became involved with someone following your choice to take a break and work on your feelings?

    Regardless, therapy sounds a needed step. I can't help but feel like you may be experiencing a one-two punch here, as your relationship with him is very much entwined, emotionally, with your relationship with your ex-husband.

    Inhale, exhale. You are going to get through this.

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