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Was in a relationship for 8 yrs and he recently told me was seeing another woman


Brokenheart8

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I'm really sorry about this.

 

I think there are harder questions to be asking than whether their relationship will last, or what it's built on. I would instead ask if you have any interest remaining connected to a man who treated you like this, come up with a firm answer, and then step in the direction in which that answer points you.

 

It is moments like this in life that therapists can be wonderful for. When your car breaks down, you don't try to fix it with tape and bubble gum; you take it to a mechanic. Therapists are mechanics for the head and heart.

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Cheating and triangulating you, aka the high of lying, sneaking around, duping you, etc.

 

Do yourself a favor - do you really want to be with someone who will betray you like that? No, right? Remove him from your life with extreme prejudice and don't even bother looking back on that. It's completely irrelevant what he sees in her or what the age difference is or who she is, etc. It's not about her, it's not about you - it's about the fact that this man enjoys cheating and lying and harming people. He put your health at risk when he started dipping his stick elsewhere. Hope you are getting tested for STD's. He has NO reason to cheat, zero, nothing nada. You are just dating, you aren't married, there are no small children to consider, etc. There are no difficult decisions here other than if he simply wanted to be a decent human, if he had lost love or interest in you, he could have done the decent thing and ended the relationship. He didn't because for cheaters that's not what it's about. It's about fooling you and harming you. Wrap your head around that and do it fast and then tell me, do you want that kind of a low life in your life? Get angry, do not lower yourself to a cat fight over a cheating loser. This is NOT a prize you ever want to win. It's stinking toxic garbage you take out to the trash while wearing a hazmat suit.

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I'm sorry that this happened.

 

I think you should be focusing on the fact that he is a cheater and a liar. You would never be able to trust this man again-if he returned- and for good reason. He no longer loves or respects you, and you deserve a hell of a lot better.

 

Has he cheated before?

 

Get tested!

 

Start the process of moving on. Block and delete.

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Sorry to hear this. How long ago did things end? Was he cheating? Were you living together? Who told you he is seeing someone? Their ages do not matter, what matters is that it's over and what the circumstances were.

was in a relationship for 8 years and I was recently told he is seeing someone else and totally left me devastated. The person he is involved with is 39 and he is 56.
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He broke my heart in a million pieces, the worst part is that I left my husband because of him. All the talks that we were soul mates, we are perfect together, he loves me as he never loved another woman and I believed all that garbage......I took a break for a few months of no contact to concentrate on me and my feelings and when I saw him a few months later, that's when he told me he was seeing someone else. I literally threw up. I can't eat, sleep, concentrate....lost over 16 pounds in the course of 2 months.....I'm still devastated. Saw him the other night and told him I still loved him, his response "thank you"!!! I know I need help in getting through this and will be seeing a therapist next week. I hope that at some point and hopefully soon, she'll dump hi and he can experience the pain he inflicted on me.....

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How long ago did things end? Therapy is an excellent idea. Do you still have contact with your husband regarding kids?

I left my husband because of him.

I took a break for a few months of no contact to concentrate on me and my feelings

I saw him a few months later, that's when he told me he was seeing someone else.

I know I need help in getting through this and will be seeing a therapist next week.

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BH.

 

This kind of attitude is counterproductive and doesn't lead anywhere good.

 

"I hope that at some point and hopefully soon, she'll dump hi and he can experience the pain he inflicted on me....."

 

Could I ask at this juncture how your marriage breakup went and how your ex-husband felt when you left him for this man? Is there some reason why in the course of eight years you and this man did not marry?

 

He sold you a story back then BH, and I suppose the outcome is not all that surprising.

 

"the worst part is that I left my husband because of him"

 

Indeed. Another issue you will also have to work through.

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I'm confused.

 

Are you saying that he cheated on you, or that he became involved with someone following your choice to take a break and work on your feelings?

 

Regardless, therapy sounds a needed step. I can't help but feel like you may be experiencing a one-two punch here, as your relationship with him is very much entwined, emotionally, with your relationship with your ex-husband.

 

Inhale, exhale. You are going to get through this.

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it ended 2 months ago, September 5. my husband and I did not have any children, and he was so devastated that he left his family and friends and moved to another state just to get away from me. The shame and guilt I am carrying for what I put him through is unbearable. Before my husband left, he told me that he forgives me but will never forget and wishes that I find happiness, little does he know now, that I now am alone...

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The only thing I can say Brokenhearted, is you went about things the wrong way.

 

I don't want to give you a lecture, because I know you're in great pain. But with any relationship at all, if you cheat, there's a good chance it will come back to bite you in the butt.

 

You need to end things properly and fairly with someone or divorce before you become involved with anyone else.

You also need to take things slow, so you know for certain that this person is genuine and not just telling you nice words.

 

I am so sorry you had to learn this lesson the hard way. I do hope you find anyway you can to heal from it and to move on from it.

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Your husband sounds like a very straight-up and honourable man. From what you say he exited with enormous dignity.

 

"The shame and guilt I am carrying for what I put him through is unbearable."

 

You will somehow have to find a way to exit from this fiasco with the same dignity, while trying to come to terms with decisions you made eight years ago.

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Try not to see this as some sort of fatalistic revenge. Did you live together? This guy left and now he has someone new. Were there fights? Why did he leave?

it ended 2 months ago. The shame and guilt I am carrying for what I put him through is unbearable. Before my husband left, he told me that he forgives me but will never forget and wishes that I find happiness, little does he know now, that I now am alone...
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I remain confused.

 

Is the timeline here: marriage ends 8 years ago when you have an affair, which becomes a relationship that ends Sept 5, after which you learn he is now seeing someone? Or was he cheating too?

 

Your road to peace is self-forgiveness. You can find it. You are a person, and you deserve it.

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It all sounds very complicated. My advice is to not worry about him or her or whether or not anything will last. Worry and take care of yourself. You sound like between your husband and this other guy, you went through a lot and now you should be alone and take care of yourself. I know you feel guilt about what you did to your husband, but what's done is done, and now you need to forgive yourself and move on.

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it ended 2 months ago, September 5. my husband and I did not have any children, and he was so devastated that he left his family and friends and moved to another state just to get away from me. The shame and guilt I am carrying for what I put him through is unbearable. Before my husband left, he told me that he forgives me but will never forget and wishes that I find happiness, little does he know now, that I now am alone...

 

That is terribly heartbreaking....not your shame, but your husband's devastation. He sounded like an emotionally mature and good man to not forget, but be able to forgive. It must have been so very bad for him to move so far away. The guilt was not unbearable to you - if it was, you would have nipped the flirtations with this man in the bud. you seemed pretty okay with all the sweet nothings. Hopefully *he* was able to find happiness after such a low blow and hopefully be able to trust someone again.

 

The only thing you can do is pick up the pieces. I definitely recommend counseling.

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