Repost as my last post didn’t submit.
First of all, thank-you for all the responses you have all been extremely kind and all comments have been taken into consideration.
However, my first initial thought and feeling regarding the situation is that he probably isn’t coping well at all.
If the shoe was on the other foot and he announced to me out of the blue about wanting to cut ties when we said we’d be there for each other, I would have taken that quite hard too.
And in my defence, yes I handled it quite poorly but was definitely very hormonal and in a terrible frame of mind at the time. Although this doesn’t excuse my behaviour, we all know grief is a horrible thing and sometimes controls us more than we can control ourselves. Throw hormones into the mix of it all and it’s an absolute disaster.
And while I am not defending his actions or even think it is okay with what he is doing, I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt because if I am not coping, surely he isn’t coping much better either. Everyone is different and we all handle rough times differently too. I cannot seem to have any anger towards him or point the finger at him either, as I know he genuinely cared but I was not expecting this.
Yes, I did say I wanted to cut ties but I have tried to make amends and definitely explained what I had been thinking and feeling at the time, I wasn’t thinking clearly and tried my best to take it all back and let him know I would still be there if he needed to reach out.
It is very unlikely things will go back to how they were, but that doesn’t mean things have to end completely in bad terms, there is no logical reason for it. All I want is a message to know if he is doing okay, it is only natural to still care and wonder.
I do know he is somewhat sensitive and I wonder if cutting me off is eating at him with guilt in a way. Avoiding isn’t going to resolve anything, it may make him think it will help himself, me or the both of us but the truth of it is, it isn’t. It’s worse than it has to be.
I’ve mentioned things did not have to go back to how they were if that isn’t what he wanted, but I didn’t want things to end on these terms either.
I think it would take an absolute cold hearted person to cut someone out without some form of guilt and I do not think he is doing it intentionally to hurt me. But either way, we have both handled it wrongly to some extent, both at fault.
I hope one day, he’ll reach out again even if just for more solid closure. But if not I am seeking some therapy and focusing on healing the best way I can with healthy coping mechanisms and I really hope he is doing okay too.