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Thread: Overcome by bitterness

  1. #1
    Silver Member Ironman3's Avatar
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    Overcome by bitterness

    Hey everyone. So this happens in Jan 2019. My company gets new cars for all employees. I'm the only one who didn't misuse the earlier company car (since 2012). I just did my service on time, paid attention to repairs (on company account). Everyone else who trash drove theirs just got new ones, boom. I kind of feel that was the logical thing to do, but I just ain't about that life. Not because I care about the company, I just care about cars and things I use in general.

    This incident has left a bitter taste in my mouth though. Let me clarify, I don't feel entitled to get one just because I took care of the one I had. I'm not expecting some sort of reward. The company logic is probably "if it ain't broken don't fix it" and my manager seems to be the backstabber who recommended for people in his department and just left me out when it came to the purchase of the new ones. Whatever.

    Now of course, I could fix this problem by walking into a showroom and getting a new car myself. F**k the company! But there's somethings I got to do first and this would be a financial burden, not to mention insurance, maintenance etc would be on me. And right now, I'm just getting this facility for free with the old company car.

    I was cool about it but I know its still at the back of my head, everyday I just come to work and feel like the less preferred child in the family, lol. The company ain't bad, has helped me out a couple of times with personal issues, gave me a pay raise when I threatened to leave etc.. It ain't heaven but its going ok, paycheck to paycheck, weekend to weekend...

    I know a lot of people out there who don't have what I do... On one side, I feel stupid. The other side I feel dejected, bitter, left out... I'm just wondering if there's a way to get rid of this feeling and just be content or happy with what I have. I think that's the core to what it all boils down to, being content.

    Any advice? Thanks in advance.

  2. #2

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    Well, I can tell you from experience that being content is much easier than you think. I worked at a company that I could have considered my dream job in a dream company. I had a brand new company car, a gas card and an expense account. One day I heard our company was merging with a competitor. 3 months after the merger was completed, they decided that we were management top heavy and cut half of the management team. I lost my car, gas card, expense account, insurance benefits AND my monthly paycheck.... Now, I have bounced back and am fortunate enough to be in a better position BUT do not have a company car at all so I commute in my own vehicle and get reimbursed for gas but the car is still on my dime. What I would give to have someone else foot that bill! I would rather drive an older car that someone else pays for than have a new car that I have to pay for.... I could buy quite a bit of contentment for the price of a car payment.

    Someone once told me: "A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work". Being content all depends on your prospective.....

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    I think itís just about recognizing the emotion for what it is: jealousy.

    Itís ok to feel jealous. Most people would be! Of course you want a new car when you see everyone else getting a new car! And yeah! You maintained the car so of course you feel you should have a new car!

    ... but you donít have to act on every feeling.

    I think itís just about remembering that when itís time for the next wave of new cars, youíll likely be at the top of the list. You will get a new car and the others likely wonít. Then it will be their turn to be jealous.

    IMO, itís just about acknowledging the feeling as normal and rationalizing it.

    You will have your day too. :)

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    For my own head, I'd consider this a bean-counting decision rather than any reflection on me. They're paying for maintenance on the cars, so the same bean-counters will likely recommend yours to be replaced once the repair bills reach a certain threshold.

    Instead of feeling ripped off, I'd focus on the advantage of this perk and how much money it saves me. They're still paying for maintenance, so if they estimate the car to have another year or so on it before it becomes financially prudent for them to replace it, I'd be thankful that that's their expense, not mine.

    Head high, and limit your focus to a monetary estimate rather than opting to project 'feelings' about the driver onto that. Bean counting is bean counting--they're sparing you from doing it on your own.

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    Silver Member Ironman3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by last1standin
    Well, I can tell you from experience that being content is much easier than you think. I worked at a company that I could have considered my dream job in a dream company. I had a brand new company car, a gas card and an expense account. One day I heard our company was merging with a competitor. 3 months after the merger was completed, they decided that we were management top heavy and cut half of the management team. I lost my car, gas card, expense account, insurance benefits AND my monthly paycheck.... Now, I have bounced back and am fortunate enough to be in a better position BUT do not have a company car at all so I commute in my own vehicle and get reimbursed for gas but the car is still on my dime. What I would give to have someone else foot that bill! I would rather drive an older car that someone else pays for than have a new car that I have to pay for.... I could buy quite a bit of contentment for the price of a car payment.

    Someone once told me: "A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work". Being content all depends on your prospective.....

    Thanks! After some thinking and calculating the actual costs of buying a new car and the impact it would have on my financial situation, not to mention the cost of maintenance, fuel (coz I won't get a gas card if I'm not using a company car), insurance costs, I thought I just have to swallow my pride / jealousy and enjoy whatever time I am going to stay working in this company. :)) Thanks a lot for the advice!

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    Silver Member Ironman3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by RedDress
    I think itís just about recognizing the emotion for what it is: jealousy.

    Itís ok to feel jealous. Most people would be! Of course you want a new car when you see everyone else getting a new car! And yeah! You maintained the car so of course you feel you should have a new car!

    ... but you donít have to act on every feeling.

    I think itís just about remembering that when itís time for the next wave of new cars, youíll likely be at the top of the list. You will get a new car and the others likely wonít. Then it will be their turn to be jealous.

    IMO, itís just about acknowledging the feeling as normal and rationalizing it.

    You will have your day too. :)
    Hey RedDress. I do hope I am remembered in the next wave of cars. I am also racking up some repairs that has to be done on the existing one so that it runs more smoothly and I remain satisfied. Then, its just the looks, under the hood its still almost perfect, thanks to maintenance... Well, looks don't last forever! Thanks for the advice. :)

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    Silver Member Ironman3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    For my own head, I'd consider this a bean-counting decision rather than any reflection on me. They're paying for maintenance on the cars, so the same bean-counters will likely recommend yours to be replaced once the repair bills reach a certain threshold.

    Instead of feeling ripped off, I'd focus on the advantage of this perk and how much money it saves me. They're still paying for maintenance, so if they estimate the car to have another year or so on it before it becomes financially prudent for them to replace it, I'd be thankful that that's their expense, not mine.

    Head high, and limit your focus to a monetary estimate rather than opting to project 'feelings' about the driver onto that. Bean counting is bean counting--they're sparing you from doing it on your own.
    Very true. I just did the same to estimate how much of a strain the new car would put me in. Then I just decided its not worth it and I feel ages better. Thanks!

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    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ironman3
    Very true. I just did the same to estimate how much of a strain the new car would put me in. Then I just decided its not worth it and I feel ages better. Thanks!
    Good job. Take it one step further by removing any 'personal' projections from yourself. If you can consider this an accounting decision based on the other cars' mileage plus repair costs plus potential repair costs as the formula they used rather than anything personal against you, you'll remove your own suffering about feeling singled out.

    Most people have trouble keeping up good maintenance practices on their OWN cars for which they've paid their own money. So the fact that you've been meticulous in your care for a car that isn't even your own speaks highly of your character--and you can feel pride about that. While it's unfortunate that his wasn't rewarded by your accounting department, they have their own bean-counting measurements, and your pride of responsibility CAN be its own private reward IF you adopt the right thinking about it.

    Ethics aren't about what other people can see about us, they are private rules of conduct. It makes no sense to view yourself as penalized for holding your ethics to a high standard when your private karma may be operating on a far higher level than 'appearances'.

    Head high, and congrats on doing the right thing just because it's the right thing to do. Your private rewards will always outweigh any petty standards we might all be tempted to use.

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    Silver Member Ironman3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    Good job. Take it one step further by removing any 'personal' projections from yourself. If you can consider this an accounting decision based on the other cars' mileage plus repair costs plus potential repair costs as the formula they used rather than anything personal against you, you'll remove your own suffering about feeling singled out.

    Most people have trouble keeping up good maintenance practices on their OWN cars for which they've paid their own money. So the fact that you've been meticulous in your care for a car that isn't even your own speaks highly of your character--and you can feel pride about that. While it's unfortunate that his wasn't rewarded by your accounting department, they have their own bean-counting measurements, and your pride of responsibility CAN be its own private reward IF you adopt the right thinking about it.

    Ethics aren't about what other people can see about us, they are private rules of conduct. It makes no sense to view yourself as penalized for holding your ethics to a high standard when your private karma may be operating on a far higher level than 'appearances'.

    Head high, and congrats on doing the right thing just because it's the right thing to do. Your private rewards will always outweigh any petty standards we might all be tempted to use.
    Thank you so much for this. I had read this reply earlier but could not get back and forgot later. Looks like my private karma was operating on a different level. I am humbled. Leaving a reply after this to thank everyone. Not sure who would find it though since this is an old thread.

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    Silver Member Ironman3's Avatar
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    Hey everyone... In the past 8 or 9 months, I have come a long way. Wanted to share my experience and thank all of you who have read / replied to my post and supported me.

    As I wrote in this thread, I was sad this year. In Jan 2019, all sales employees got brand new car. When I came to office, I felt more disappointed and ignored. Despite all my efforts and care for the old car, I was the only one without a new car. It was a very demoralizing feeling. The sales people in my office drive car like trash, very rough handling and no cleaning. I felt why I did not deserve it when I was the only one who respected my car. But with all the advice I got here and from my friends, I tried to remain neutral and happy with what I had.

    For sometime, I did not think about the new one... Just respected and thanked God that at least I had the old one and it was in very good condition, never stopped, never left me in danger, never gave me trouble. It is a corolla after all. Till last week when I handed it over, I took care of it, I would shout at everyone who would bang the doors, lol, I told them to close it slowly or they don't get to travel in my car. Made repairs on time, polished it always, did whatever I could. I realized that I should not look for a reward for my actions, just do what I do because I respect what I have. Because it is very difficult to do anything here without a vehicle. I felt humbled and honored that company was giving me a car without questions, I can go anywhere I want. That is a blessing.

    From then till last week, a sales guy left the company and I asked Boss if I could use that one and told him I'd use it with the same dedication and care I gave the old one. Honestly my chances were bleak and I'm not that high up in the company to really go ask for one. I'm just the regular IT guy, getting the work done no matter what. I'm expendable. At first he did not say anything. I told him I was sorry if my request was not justified and I would try to meet his expectations better in my work. He said we will see before the topic passed on to something else. I wasn't hoping really and I didn't argue with God... But a week later my Boss just passed by in the morning and said, "take it. The key is with the admin". It was a humbling experience. After 1 year of prayers and repressed feelings... I dunno what I felt... I took the key, humbly stood outside in the yard looking at both cars, the old one and new one, parked beside each other. I felt scared, doubted if I was eligible or worthy. Then I looked up at the sky, there was a drop of rain that fell onto my face, like a blessing. I felt, God said, "go ahead"...

    I can't believe what a year this has been. I am so thankful and humbled... So just wanted to write this here, hopefully you all will come across it. Thanks so much for the support and helping me understand and control what I was feeling. I've only just realized that everything happens when it has to and for a reason. God bless you all. Love you 3000. :))

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