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How can I learn to go to work when I desperately don't want to?


Malvinka

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Hello, I'm a 24 year old girl and until now I've only worked occasionally from home, but overall I didn't make much money, mostly my parents supported me financially. However, this year, after a quite serious conversation with my parents, they accused me of being 24 years old who is high time to quit lying in bed, sleeping late and doing nothing all day. They said that I was already an adult and I must begin making a living. I understand them and deep inside, I realize that they are right because almost all people my age already work. Therefore, I started a job that is even well paid and prestigious.

 

BUT that's where my psychological breakdown and hell began! Something turned over in me, and as calm and happy as I was at home, the moment I went to work, I received a mix of emotions such as: fear, anxiety, sadness, depression, misery... When I ask myself why I feel this way I immediately find the answer - I miss my previous calm, free and lazy life, where I used to wake up at noon, rest as much as I want, do whatever I want... And now I feel like my freedom is all gone. The worst part is that my parents keep repeating that work is a terrible thing that turns people into slaves that go to work, then go home, eat, go to bed and then again go to work on the next day. A life that lacks all kinds of entertainment and happiness. But I don't want to think that negatively. Yes, work takes up much of our daily lives, but there is still time for fun and happiness, right?

 

It's been 1 week since I started my first job and I'm horrified if I'll ever get used to this lifestyle. Before you recommend me to start my own business, I'll say that I'm not a business oriented person, so this alternative is eliminated. Also, I don't have a hobby that I could turn into a job. I don't know, I just feel like I've lost the best part of my life and I'm already an absolutely unhappy slave whose freedom is completely gone.

 

However, unfortunately, I realize that I have no other alternative but to work since otherwise, I will have to become a homeless person, which is the worst. But I just don't want to work at all ... you might consider me lazy, but I don't know ... Honestly, I just really miss my previous life, in which I had complete freedom to sleep late, cook at home and eat tasty food, do nothing all day long, or go out with friends ... even though I almost didn't have my own money, and mostly asked my parents to give me some ... What is the advantage of working if that really kills all your calmness and happiness in life? Please, from the bottom of my heart, give me your invaluable pieces of advice on how to adjust to working and everything other you decide, because I really need them desperately!

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Welcome to the real world. I'm sure we would ALL like to have the ability to do whatever we wanted to do all day, but the alternative to working is being homeless. Your parents did you no favors by enabling you to live that lifestyle, and making work sound like such a terrible thing.

 

Slap some cold water on your face, and snap out of it! You can do whatever you want to do all day in 40 years, when you retire.

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The advantage to working is having an income to pay for all of the things you need in life, with hopefully enough left over to pay for whatever you consider fun.

 

The advantage to working is having self esteem from knowing everything you own and everything you do is the result of the work you put in.

 

The advantage to working is satisfaction from a job well done, praise you may get from others, and a sense of accomplishment.

 

Or, you could sponge off your parents forever and when they're gone you'll have no way to support yourself so you'll either be homeless or be begging relatives to give you cash to pay for the basics like food and shelter.

 

In this thread you posted a few days ago https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562510 you implied you've been working for a while (you reference "jobs") but you don't think you deserve to buy yourself nice things.

 

Which of these narratives is accurate? They sound completely opposite so I can't tell where you're at.

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By the sounds of it your parents failed to lay the ground work when you were growing up. Delayed gratification means you work first, receive your reward for having done so. You learn to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment for doing the work and then being rewarded after the fact.

 

Quote from Dr. Phil *Doing too much for your children is a form of child abuse.

 

Strong words? Yes. But it's a parents most important job to teach their children to fend for themselves and it's a sign of a job well done when your child seeks a healthy independence and has the desire to leave. Parents start teaching their children this when they are toddlers, not at 24.

 

Much like baby birds leave the nest. You know how, right? Because the momma birds boot them out of the nest and ready or not, they have to fly.

 

Your parents waited waaaay to long to suddenly attempt to teach you these fundamentals:

Do your homework - go out and play. Eat your dinner - get desert. Go to work - get a paycheck (and survive)

 

Parents that fail to teach their children delayed gratification end up being very much like you. Sort of paralyzed and not sure where to start and unmotivated to do so.

 

So where do you go from here? You pull your big girl pants up, grow up and start learning some maturity skills on your own. You become your own parent.

 

Besides, jobs aren't hobbies. It's called `going to work' for a reason.

 

Maybe a life coach or therapy might be in order for you. What other choice do you have?

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Work is NOT a terrible thing that turns people into slaves. This is just a distorted view of it. In reality it is a useful vehicle of gaining independence and managing your life according to your own wishes rather than your parents. It can also be a place where you get to meet some cool people and collaborate towards common goals, which can make you feel accomplished and satisfied. Work is what you make it.

 

As much as laziness might have been appealing, the situation was keeping you back and wasw never never going to last as your parents would be gone some day. So, you did need to start working. Work is just a new habit that you need to form. At first it may require going through a learning curve but once you get used to it, you will at last be a free woman. Good luck.

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Holy cow did your parents screw up with you, letting you lay around the house and do nothing useful til age 24. No wonder you are so jaded. You do need to get off your lazy butt and go to work 5 days a week, maybe 40 hours a week, earn your money to pay your way. Being a freeloader gets old eventually and that's what and where you are now.

 

Yes, pull up your big girl panties and get a mitt and get in the game. If this job doesnt work out, get another. Dont go home and lay on the couch.

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Life changes and change isn't all bad.

 

Lounging carefree might be nice, but not sustainable. Going to work every day can be fun and even satisfying IF you choose to make it so. It's all about your own attitude. Anxiety, fear, feeling out of place and uncomfortable - all completely normal. I mean at 24 you have a lot of growing and catching up to do with your peers. Others already went through this years ago, you are doing it now. Regardless, it's not optional. Jobs lead to money, money buys nice things and rewards for working.

 

Sure your parents may talk the way they do, but in reality work put a roof over their and your head, puts food on the table, buys clothes, buys vacations, etc, etc, etc. You work to live and that means to have fun outside of work. Work is just a tool that gets you the toys, whatever those toys may be for you. You got to get real at some point.

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OP, work is not so horrible. It's just a habit like everything else, you will get used to it. Getting satisfaction from work is rare. But everyone gets satisfaction when he gets his paycheck lol. Making decent money will allow you to have much more freedom than when you depend on your parents.

 

I had overprotective parents. They enabled me a lot when I was young and it's easy to get complacent. It took me few years in the workforce to overcome obstacles and insecurities ingrained by this lifestyle. Unnecessary problems….

 

Tip: the next few years try to learn to sever your emotions from work. If you want to be good at something (whatever you do) you have to leave your ego and emotions at the door. Easier said than done. You seem an intelligent person, don't worry too much. Good luck :)

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OP, in the other thread yu said:

 

"..I am well educated, hard working in good jobs."

 

Work goes something like this, usually. 8 hours work, 8 hours leisure (or whatever) and 8 hours sleep. So, what's the big deal?

 

I entirely second what Melanchol said above.

 

Why would any parent have a 24 year old in full health and strength lying around a house doing nothing! I certainly never lounged around the house at 24 nor at 14 for that matter.

 

All that aside, work gives structure to your day. You get up, join the human race, and get on with it.

 

You say:

 

"I started a job that is even well paid and prestigious.

 

BUT that's where my psychological breakdown and hell began!"

 

Well paid and prestigious, but geeze, it's causing a psychological breakdown!

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Sometimes ya gotta tell it like it is dias.....

 

Maybe "tough love" work for some but not for everyone. Besides, harsh words don't change reality only actions do. Too much drama over nothing. She will continue going to work like everyone else in this world and she will learn to like it over time. It's the inception now, it is always difficult at first.

 

OP, congrats on getting a new good job :) Learn how to become very good at your job. The biggest real satisfaction you can get in this life is the satisfaction of becoming really really good at something.

 

PS: See Camber, this is how you motivate people. If you want to motivate/help someone better trigger his/her inner motivation. Tough love doesn't do anything.

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Maybe "tough love" work for some but not for everyone. Besides, harsh words don't change reality only actions do. Too much drama over nothing. She will continue going to work like everyone else in this world and she will learn to like it over time. It's the inception now, it is always difficult at first.

 

OP, congrats on getting a new good job :) Learn how to become very good at your job. The biggest real satisfaction you can get in this life is the satisfaction of becoming really really good at something.

 

PS: See Camber, this is how you motivate people. If you want to motivate/help someone better trigger his/her inner motivation. Tough love doesn't do anything.

 

I dunno, I got a lot of tough love. I am a productive member of society.

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Maybe "tough love" work for some but not for everyone. Besides, harsh words don't change reality only actions do. Too much drama over nothing. She will continue going to work like everyone else in this world and she will learn to like it over time. It's the inception now, it is always difficult at first.

 

OP, congrats on getting a new good job :) Learn how to become very good at your job. The biggest real satisfaction you can get in this life is the satisfaction of becoming really really good at something.

 

PS: See Camber, this is how you motivate people. If you want to motivate/help someone better trigger his/her inner motivation. Tough love doesn't do anything.

 

Thanks so much for the life lesson... I'm sure I've motivated and helped more than my fair share of people along the way. SO, tough love is bad, but your PA comments are OK in your little world?

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I dunno, I got a lot of tough love. I am a productive member of society.

 

 

That's why I said it tough love works for someone but not for all. I am a productive member of society and I am not fan of tough love (it's pretty obvious lol).

 

As reinvent said, the OP hasn't learned yet the benefits of delayed gratification. Give her a year or two.

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Thanks so much for the life lesson... I'm sure I've motivated and helped more than my fair share of people along the way. SO, tough love is bad, but your PA comments are OK in your little world?

You stated your opinion, I stated mine. Never said you are wrong.

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