Jump to content

Loved two girls who both loved me, but ended up hurting them both


Folkling

Recommended Posts

Sorry for the super long post, (You don’t have to read it anyway…) but this is just something I wanted to write for myself, although I would love to get any advice on dealing with this. I’ve left a few questions at the end. It’s been quite confusing and painful (but also nice at times).

 

I fell in love with two girls, who both fell in love with me. Then I hurt them both through my own confusion, and now I’m worried that I’m going to break one of their hearts. I know which one it will be, but it’s the worst I ever felt.

 

Not only am I hurt by knowing how much pain I will cause this girl, and by knowing how much she doesn’t deserve to be hurt. I also feel like I will be losing a huge part of myself and my life, which I don’t feel ready for.

 

(Names are obviously not real, just reflective of what I like about each girl)

 

Caring-Family Girl:

 

Caring-Family Girl and I met in high school, when I was in the year above. We didn’t like each other at all at first; I thought she was up-herself and she thought I was a loser. Over time, and after getting to know each other, we realised we were right!

 

But I also realised I only saw her confidence and social skills as being over-confident because I was shy and quiet, and she realised that my nerdiness was actually just intelligence, introversion and eccentricity. She was a very caring person and very family oriented, and we got along so easily and happily as friends, and soon started to really like each other. Caring-Family Girl loved her family and friends, and more than anything in life valued marriage and children. Her nature was to make others feel loved.

 

But then a series of awkward situations began to develop…

 

First, Caring-Family Girl’s older sister developed a serious crush on me. Then my best friend developed a massive crush on Caring-Family Girl. It was incredibly awkward, and I was so confused by it all. I was already out of my depth with Caring-Family girl (I guess I was young and inexperienced, and she was pretty and part of cooler social groups). She told me she loved me in front of a group of us (including her sister and my friend), and the whole room went deadly quiet. I thought my friend was about to die of heartbreak, and I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I wanted to tell her I loved her too, but just wasn’t mature enough.

 

Secondly, at the same time, my parents went through an extremely messy divorce. My dad left the family overnight and took all our money, leaving us on the verge of homelessness, except for family and friends. My mum ended up with post-traumatic stress disorder. Not going into this too much, but it was the hardest time in my life. I needed time just to regroup myself and adjust to my new life.

 

To my never-ending regret, I didn’t ask her out.

 

After school, we went our separate ways. I went into university to study design in the city, she stayed locally and studied to become a nurse. We’d seen each other every day at school, but now we never saw each other. I was so annoyed at myself for not telling her how I felt about her, but I was convinced that I had to tell her in person, and that messaging her was weak. I kept waiting for our paths to cross, but of course, they never did.

 

So I focused on my own life. I loved living my own independent solitary life. I travelled by myself, rented an apartment by myself, followed my hobbies, and started to find success in my studies and career. I didn’t speak to Caring-Family Girl or see her for years, and I still loved her, but I never once felt lonely.

 

On reflection, I didn’t realise how hurtful it was for me to never message her and to just disappear out of her life. I was so naively sure that things would work themselves out. I don’t think I’ve lead her on for that whole time, but I know she’s never had a boyfriend since she met me. I also realised I wasn’t very good at verbally expressing my feelings, or acting on them, so I worked really hard at that too. And I didn’t mean to be selfish, but I was, and I tried to understand other peoples needs, and not just my own.

 

So finally, after a long period of growth, acceptance and life experience, I finally felt secure in who I was and how I wanted to act. I finally came to the point where I was ready for a relationship. I decided that I would message Caring-Family Girl and say happy birthday, apologise, and tell her how felt.

 

Then the very next day, before I could message Caring-Family Girl, on the first day of the new university semester, I met Magic-Shy Girl.

 

Magic-Shy Girl:

 

Magic-Shy girl left me physically breathless, and it was the most embarrassing, frustrating, and nicest feeling I’d ever had.

 

Magic-Shy Girl and I were the first two students to arrive at class, and she literally would not stop talking to me. When the other students arrived, she ignored them when they tried to talk us, and kept on talking to me. She wouldn’t even look at the other students, and they were obviously offended. I hadn’t met such a talkative girl before. I was bemused, but flattered, and felt like we were going to be really good friends all semester. That night, I went home thinking of another girl other than Caring-Family Girl for the first time in years, and it shocked me.

Magic-Shy Girl was jaw-droppingly attractive, with a low husky French accent, she was extremely creative and smart, and had the same passion for design that I had. I felt so far out of my depth, and I still cared about Caring Family girl, but I realised I’d started to like Magic-Shy Girl. Luckily I’d learnt a few things since stuffing things up with Caring-Family Girl, so things wouldn’t be so be so hurtful and awkward this time…

 

After our first meeting, talkative Magic-Shy girl just wouldn’t talk to me. I’d walk past her seat in the design lab every day and smile and say hello. She’d look up, then down, and away, but she wouldn’t say anything back. One time, I walked past her and waved hello, and she turned her face away from me, right over her shoulder, completely blanking me. Worst of all, when we walked past each other after a lecture, she froze, with a look of shock on her face, and she ran in the opposite direction towards a part of building that had no doors. Her friends laughed, I was humiliated, and I left as quickly as possible.

 

I felt so embarrassed at developing such a hard crush so quickly on someone so out of my league, who I’d only spoken to just the once. I felt like Magic-Shy Girl saw me as a creep (but I didn’t think I was). Worst of all, I’d felt like I’d given up on Caring-Family Girl. So I resolved that I would just let Magic-Shy Girl be, take the hint, and leave her alone. I dreaded coming to university the day after.

 

The next day, I walked passed her desk, and for the first time I didn’t say hello or smile, I just left her alone. Minutes later, Magic-Shy Girl had to give a class presentation…

Throughout the whole presentation, she was on the verge of tears. I have never seen anyone who so wanted the world to swallow them up. The class was confused, but tried not to draw attention to it. She spoke about magic, and how she chose to believe in it, even though she knew it wasn’t real, and how the world that humans had designed filled her with grief. When she stopped speaking, she crossed one arm over her body, and stared at the floor, waiting for it to be over

 

I didn’t know for sure that her tears were to do with me, but I felt like they were. I realised then that she was someone who everything she felt, she felt very deeply. And I also realised that the talkative Magic-Shy Girl was only a one-off; the quiet, awkward Magic-Shy girl had been there nearly all semester. It finally dawned on me that she was avoiding me because she was shy, like me, not because she was creeped out, and that she felt the same attraction I felt. This was when I really started to like her, more than I had ever liked Caring-Family Girl, which I didn’t know would ever be possible.

 

The possibility that she shy and that she liked me took me aback, even more than I was shocked when I thought I was creeping her out. But then I got really confused; when I approached her, I made her embarrassed, and when I left her alone, I hurt her feelings. So I kept my distance, but kept smiling and waving, just in a friendly way. Over the rest of the semester, she started to smile and wave back, and sometimes I’d catch-her staring at me. By the end of the semester she would run up to me to say hello in the mornings. When we’d talk, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and she was still so shy, but couldn’t stop smiling.

 

So finally, at our end of semester exhibition, I asked her if she’d like come a have a drink with me. She said no thank you, I was hurt and confused, and she left the exhibition, seemingly confused as well, and didn’t come back. Then I thought back over all the awkward moments, and felt crazy for thinking those were nice moments when I was just making a fool of myself. So, hurt and embarrassed, I left her alone again.

 

Now, much later, I found out through her friends that she didn’t realise that was me trying to ask her out; she just didn’t want a drink. I guess this was super clumsy, but I took it as a rejection, and ended up disappearing again like I did for Caring-Family Girl. Considering how hurt she was that time I didn’t say hello, I think I hurt her feelings extremely badly. I messaged her, and it was nice, and it seems like she wants to see me, but also she seems a little wary of getting hurt again.

 

After feeling rejected by Magic-Shy Girl, I’d considered finally messaging Caring-Family Girl, but meeting Magic-Shy Girl made me realise how much I’d changed as a person since I’d known Caring-Family Girl. I still love her, I think, but I hope she’s moved on and found someone who cares about her now, not just for who she used to be.

 

Questions:

 

Why do I keep hurting the feelings of the girls I care about?

Is it circumstances or is it me? What can I do to avoid hurting their feelings?

How bad should I feel for Caring-Family Girl?

She hasn’t had a boyfriend since she knew me; did I kind of steal that part of her life during that time?

What can I do make sure I don’t hurt the feelings of Magic-Shy Girl again? How can I make her more comfortable?

Link to comment

It sounds that much of this is built up in your head and made much bigger. I am sure Magic-Shy girl just said "opps, didn't realize he was asking me out" and went on with her life, equipped with the knowledge for the next guy who asked her out. You only were admiring her form afar and any interest in you was imagined or perceived. I mean, you say she loved you??? where do you get that??? You barely talked to her. That was not love.

 

Caring-Family girl - you had a crush, she had a crush. Nothing ever came of it.

 

Maybe you should get involved in volunteering or student groups to get practice talking to people. Fixating on people you hardly interact with is not healthy in the long run - imagining relatonships in your mind

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...